Hmmmm...

Its been quite a while since I've used this blog. I was just sitting here reading some of these old posts (read: fucking around and not working) and thought, as I have been telling myself for the last few months, that returning to blogging might be good for my old brain.

For my brain is getting old. And getting old quickly :S

I don't know what I'm going to blog about, since I no longer live in Washington DC, and that was where all the action was ;) hahahha. Actually, I pretty much live in this little studio of mine now, 24 hours a day by 7 days a week. I even sleep in this room. Seriously. The fouton is in here (even though I have a perfectly nice expensive bed with pillow top mattress, etc... we sleep on the freaking fouton...go figure), the television, the xbox... the beloved computers... the sewing studio. Why leave? I mean, except to go get beer.... :D

Hahah beer.

I've been back to the gym for three weeks now, that's something to blog about. I was all about the gym and lifting and rollerblading until I broke my goddamn arm while rollerblading last September. Now, finally, I have been able to get back to lifting and... the elliptical machine, not rollerblading hahah... Thank god for muscle memory, its all coming back fairly quickly. Not as defined as before... yet... but it will get there :D

So much going on with aNGrYGiRL Gear ~ and why did I mix capital and lowercase letters in that brand name in the first place?? Its absolutely inane, yet it cannot be fixed now ~ I've opened an Etsy store, sworn off listing on eBay, and my websales are off the scales. I officially cannot keep up. Yet, I will keep up. You build strength when you accomplish the tasks you thought you had no way to accomplish. And I am one strong bitch ...

Fixin' (hahah been in Dallas one year and I'm already a Texan, y'all) to start looking for a real job again, now that the bankruptcy is behind us and I can go back to work again. Its been a long 9 months without my salary. I'm ready to be middle class again. Maybe.

I dunno.

Maybe.

Fuck.

You know what... Fuck. That's right, fuck.

OMG I think I have a rant. God bless America, I love blogging. It cleanses the soul.

Fuck. And you know why fuck? I WANT ANGRYGIRL GEAR TO SUCCEED. And its heading that way. Big time. Big fucking time. It is almost self supporting now. Its almost good money. Not good money like computer forensic engineer money, but good money like don't have to live in your mother's basement money. I'm getting notice. I'm thinking this might just hit... I have fashion shows coming up, I have magazine spreads coming up (e-zine, don't get too excited lol), I have new collections coming up, more deals with trade models on the horizon...

AND I

HAVE

TO

GO

MOTHERFUCKING

BACK

TO

THE

MOTHERFUCKING

DAY JOB

GRIND.

Back to the life of get up, go to work, come home, sew, sleep five hours, get back up, go back to work, come back home, sew some more.... wash rinse repeat ... come to be so fucking depressed on Sunday night that I just want to die. Spend all weekend NOT having fun and spending all those gobs and gobs of money that I will make working... but sewing. And always being behind.

And hating life.

And being depressed.

And being suicidal.

My god I haven't had even a suicidal thought since I left DC.

And they are going to come back.

And overall yeah I know I'm whining but fuck it its not fair. Why can't I be me? Why can't I be who I WANT to be instead of who I HAVE to be???

Who am I living for??? What am I living for?

Fuck. You see that now, right? Yeah. Me too.

*sigh*

Not bad for a first blog back. :S