I'm Just Waiting for that Train to Smack 'Em!!

Ah yes you've got to love the stupidity of humankind.

Once again, as it was back in D.C., I find myself commuting to work each day by train and lightrail. I leave my house, walk two blocks to the lightrail, take the lightrail 3 stops to Union Station, and hop a train for a 30 minute ride to my destination.

So I spend a lot of time around trains/lightrails/tracks/the dregs of humanity.

My favorite train station game to play is *Who's gonna get hit by the train today?* Its great fun, and can actually get your heart racing in anticipation of that big meaty THUD followed by the crimson spray of blood, brains and body parts. There are three players that play this game, each with a good chance of winning.

First you have the Offroaders. There are two sets of tracks to cross to go from the train to the lightrail. These tracks have designated crossing platforms, raised, for ease of crossing. Every evening there are at least two passengers that bypass the crossing platforms, choosing instead to go offroad to cross the tracks. They jump off the edge of the platform at train's end, traverse the two sets of raw tracks, jump up on the platform on the opposite edge, and get on the lightrail.

If knowing that crossing the tracks is a $300 fine (a fact which they are reminded of every night just prior to exiting the train) doesn't stop them... accidentally tripping on train tracks and going SPLAT right in front of an oncoming train must not even be a consideration. I guess the offroaders just REALLY have to get to that lightrail. They can't miss that precious ride. You know, the one that comes every 4 minutes during rush hour...

Then there are the Runners. My money is on the runners to win the game. Again, the lightrail comes every four minutes or so, which for these folks must be an excruciating amount of time to wait, because they take off out of the train at olympic sprint speeds the minute the doors open. To their credit, they cross at the designated platforms. However, they neglect to watch for oncoming trains whilst sprinting. It must be neglect, because I cannot imagine seeing an oncoming train 15 feet away from the platform you are about to cross, and rationally deciding to cross it anyway. Yet they do.

Last but not least are the Scurriers. Once the runners have sprinted past the oncoming train, most of the walkers will stop at the platform and wait for the oncoming trains to pass. But there are always a few who stop, assess the situation, and using their superior mathematics skills, deduce that they have a split second more time before the train smashes them, plenty of time for them to scurry across the platform, train bearing down on them. The first scurriers always follow right after the runners. Then there one or two more who feel safe enough to go. Then a few more. Then one more. Then ... just... one... more...

I watch and wait. Because I know the impact will be spectacular.