My website, angrylittledeadgirl.com, is finally...finished!! I feel a big void in my life...hahah...what am I gonna do with all this spare time I have now???
My husband always says my blogs are so negative. So this one will be positive.
I'm positive I'm losing my mind :) but I have decided on a great *new* direction for my aNGrYGiRL Gear line. Anyone reading who might give a shit hahah...don't worry nothing is changing...things are just going to get bigger and better. And maybe kill me in the process :) But I'm really positive about it!!! Look at all the smileys :) :) :)
Positivity gives me a fucking headache :) But look how happy I am!
The big *event* is tentatively scheduled for August 1, 2005. There's a lot to be done, and its gonna take about every spare second of my time to get to where I need to be by then. That's why its tentative.
Look how positive I am! Positively insane :) :) :) :) :)
Sick of my shit yet? Don't answer that!!! :)
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
I Guess I have to Stop Running...
So I was just watching TV...the news...ugh...while I was running on the treadmill. Yes. Running. Treadmill. Miles. Miles. Hehehe I goddamn nearly kill myself working out and I'm gonna brag about it...thats right. I RUN!!
hahah reminds me of Kid Rock ~ It ain't braggin motherfucker if you back it up.
ANYHOO...watching news...and they come on to say gas prices (currently at $2.45 a gallon for regular unleaded...not the fancy shit either) are going UP! They say that by the fourth of July, gas prices should be at...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
The story went on to say that the fourth of July has now almost taken over Thanksgiving as the biggest travel holiday ever. They also estimate that nearly 600,000 DC residents will be leaving the District this weekend for the holiday (lucky bastards...I'll be here home alone sewing while the man spins rock n roll). Turns out this number is...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
Does anyone here see this correlation? Of course we all do. Its common knowledge that the oil industry and our own government like to fuck us hard at busy travel times. Because we all work so hard all year for our pittance salaries, we deserve a vacation where we get fucked on the cost of that well deserved rest.
That notwithstanding. The report goes on to interview the common *man on the street* to get his opinion of the gas prices and if this news will affect his travel plans. Here is what the common *man on the street* had to say (and this is just before I fell off my treadmill)...
*You know, we are going to put the price of gas in abeyance and travel anyway. They can do what they want with gas prices, we are still going to do what we want to do*
HEY FUCKTARD. THATS WHY THEY KEEP DOING IT TO US.
its just me, isnt it? *sigh* i was shocked he even KNEW how to use the word 'abeyance' correctly. the idiot. i guess i have to stop running...bad for my mental health.
hahah reminds me of Kid Rock ~ It ain't braggin motherfucker if you back it up.
ANYHOO...watching news...and they come on to say gas prices (currently at $2.45 a gallon for regular unleaded...not the fancy shit either) are going UP! They say that by the fourth of July, gas prices should be at...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
The story went on to say that the fourth of July has now almost taken over Thanksgiving as the biggest travel holiday ever. They also estimate that nearly 600,000 DC residents will be leaving the District this weekend for the holiday (lucky bastards...I'll be here home alone sewing while the man spins rock n roll). Turns out this number is...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
Does anyone here see this correlation? Of course we all do. Its common knowledge that the oil industry and our own government like to fuck us hard at busy travel times. Because we all work so hard all year for our pittance salaries, we deserve a vacation where we get fucked on the cost of that well deserved rest.
That notwithstanding. The report goes on to interview the common *man on the street* to get his opinion of the gas prices and if this news will affect his travel plans. Here is what the common *man on the street* had to say (and this is just before I fell off my treadmill)...
*You know, we are going to put the price of gas in abeyance and travel anyway. They can do what they want with gas prices, we are still going to do what we want to do*
HEY FUCKTARD. THATS WHY THEY KEEP DOING IT TO US.
its just me, isnt it? *sigh* i was shocked he even KNEW how to use the word 'abeyance' correctly. the idiot. i guess i have to stop running...bad for my mental health.
What ain't Broke
What's that old saying? Don't mess with it if it ain't broke? Something like that. LOL you can all mess with me then, cuz I'm broke! Hahahah...anyway...I'm toying with the idea of changing the whole format of my Ebay auctions. I'd like to get away from the auction style format and go with a store format with Buy it Now instead. I don't mind the auction format...well, I think the prices get a BIT out of hand sometimes...it IS exciting to sell something for $200 tho, lol...but, it is NOT exciting to sell something that you worked just as hard on for $30 at auction, either. And that's one of my main issues: consistency. I like consistent auction prices. Something around $65 a corset (which is just below my average per-item sale right now) is perfect...I think my corsets are an excellent buy at $65, and for me, that constitutes an excellent sale. So mutual benefit for all, right?
Well, not necessarily. Here is where I get really scared. I really can't produce more product than I am doing right now. I am maxed out on my time and potential. If I didn't have a day job, I could certainly produce more product, but I can't *as I have reiterated 10000 times or so* replace my salary with DIY....so I'm stuck with this being the best I can do. Say I open a store, with 6 corsets, BIN at $65....and in 2 days, they are all bought?? Well, I certainly could NOT complain if that miracle happened...a good deal all around...however...I now have NO stock displayed. What about miss newbie ebayer who is dying for some high quality DIY....surfs over to my store for the first time ever, and finds it empty. and empty for the next five days. I just lost a potential client. She may have LOOOOVED angrygirl gear and would have been a loyal, wonderful, superfreakyfast paying customer. But she surfed on over to someone else's site, someone who HAD some stock to display, and now she's hooked over there. Bah.
What to do what to do what to do. I could say take a week or two off from ebay, sew my little ass *hahahahahah I mean LARGE ass* off and make maybe 15 items or so, as initial stock for the store, replace item by item as things are sold. And from that point on, immediately list everything i make as i complete it. so it would be like, i would list something new every night or so...
i cant afford to take two weeks off right now, maybe soon. maybe im just nuts and trying to fuck around with what aint broke. But id sure like to have a fixed value for my product...just like in a real store, instead of sitting there, biting my nails every week, wondering if its gonna be a winner week or a loser week. cuz thats just stressful, especially when rent is due in four days and you're a few hundred bucks from making it. not to mention the stress of trying to get listings up every week. A store sounds like Nirvana to me right now (the happy afterlife nirvana, not the depressed suicidal seattle nirvana).
i guess i should think about it :)
Any comments on the matter will certainly be appreciated and will be taken into full consideration :) HELP ME HERE IM DROWNING IN INDECISION!!!
Well, not necessarily. Here is where I get really scared. I really can't produce more product than I am doing right now. I am maxed out on my time and potential. If I didn't have a day job, I could certainly produce more product, but I can't *as I have reiterated 10000 times or so* replace my salary with DIY....so I'm stuck with this being the best I can do. Say I open a store, with 6 corsets, BIN at $65....and in 2 days, they are all bought?? Well, I certainly could NOT complain if that miracle happened...a good deal all around...however...I now have NO stock displayed. What about miss newbie ebayer who is dying for some high quality DIY....surfs over to my store for the first time ever, and finds it empty. and empty for the next five days. I just lost a potential client. She may have LOOOOVED angrygirl gear and would have been a loyal, wonderful, superfreakyfast paying customer. But she surfed on over to someone else's site, someone who HAD some stock to display, and now she's hooked over there. Bah.
What to do what to do what to do. I could say take a week or two off from ebay, sew my little ass *hahahahahah I mean LARGE ass* off and make maybe 15 items or so, as initial stock for the store, replace item by item as things are sold. And from that point on, immediately list everything i make as i complete it. so it would be like, i would list something new every night or so...
i cant afford to take two weeks off right now, maybe soon. maybe im just nuts and trying to fuck around with what aint broke. But id sure like to have a fixed value for my product...just like in a real store, instead of sitting there, biting my nails every week, wondering if its gonna be a winner week or a loser week. cuz thats just stressful, especially when rent is due in four days and you're a few hundred bucks from making it. not to mention the stress of trying to get listings up every week. A store sounds like Nirvana to me right now (the happy afterlife nirvana, not the depressed suicidal seattle nirvana).
i guess i should think about it :)
Any comments on the matter will certainly be appreciated and will be taken into full consideration :) HELP ME HERE IM DROWNING IN INDECISION!!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Guilt
Ya know, I've done some pretty horrible things in my life. Very few things. But the few were really really REALLY bad. And you know I am totally overwhelmed with guilt...not for those horrible doings...but because I ate a snack bag of Funions last night. And a sugar cookie. One. And drank three beers. Wtf is wrong with me that I can't for once in a month enjoy a little snack food without having to drag around this lead coat of guilt for every damn morsel I put in my mouth? Sometimes...and this is scaring me...sometimes I have to resist the urge to go purge it all after I eat. I know that will eventually kill me if I start that habit (thats also why I stay away from the heroin) but I am SOOOO tempted. so tempted.
It is easier to NOT eat than to live with the guilt of actually having eaten.
For those of you who are naturally thin, or can eat whatever you want and not gain weight, or who have never had a weight problem: Fuck you. No offense *hahahah that sounds contradictory as hell* but live a day in my shoes. Fuck. You.
*ok ok...probably too harsh*
*reels self in*
Its just so frustrating. It's always been so frustrating. I've struggled with this for my ENTIRE LIFE. Well ever since the day I was about 10 and the constant media brainwashing finally convinced me that I was fat and ugly and would never find a man and that I had to go on a diet *for life* and lose 10 more pounds and....and...and... You know. Since then. And it really helps that I make clothing that, while I CAN wear it, does not look exceptionally flattering on me. I can't model what I create. I have to use a mannequin. If I modeled it, no one would buy it. They'd be all like....I don't want to go out looking like a chubbass! OH to be 5'10 and a 100 pound anorexic with no curves, so that I could make my shit look good. If I ever find that genie in a bottle, thats one of the three wishes. The other two wishes are 1) Bill Gates' money and 2) hair that is always long and perpetually braided and always looks good.
But until I find that genie....I get guilt.
It is easier to NOT eat than to live with the guilt of actually having eaten.
For those of you who are naturally thin, or can eat whatever you want and not gain weight, or who have never had a weight problem: Fuck you. No offense *hahahah that sounds contradictory as hell* but live a day in my shoes. Fuck. You.
*ok ok...probably too harsh*
*reels self in*
Its just so frustrating. It's always been so frustrating. I've struggled with this for my ENTIRE LIFE. Well ever since the day I was about 10 and the constant media brainwashing finally convinced me that I was fat and ugly and would never find a man and that I had to go on a diet *for life* and lose 10 more pounds and....and...and... You know. Since then. And it really helps that I make clothing that, while I CAN wear it, does not look exceptionally flattering on me. I can't model what I create. I have to use a mannequin. If I modeled it, no one would buy it. They'd be all like....I don't want to go out looking like a chubbass! OH to be 5'10 and a 100 pound anorexic with no curves, so that I could make my shit look good. If I ever find that genie in a bottle, thats one of the three wishes. The other two wishes are 1) Bill Gates' money and 2) hair that is always long and perpetually braided and always looks good.
But until I find that genie....I get guilt.
Friday, June 17, 2005
I'm just sooo.....
Frustrated. Mad, angry...upset...frustrated. Its been four weeks now of extra workouts, eating right, denying all my cravings...for a three pound loss!! Three measley little pounds. Ok, I'll admit I'd rather not have the three pounds back. But three?? In a month? If only you could come crawl into my world for a second and see how good I've been. You'd know I deserve better from my body than this. I've been fucking golden girl. In the last month I've had ONE sugar cookie. A month ago, that would have been considered a feat for a DAY, not a month. In the last month, I've been out drinking...*counts*...four times. And I've kept my consumption to a really reasonable level. Four drinking nights would have been a holiday weekend a month ago. And I've upped my gym time from 3 times a week to 5 (and my legs huuuurt for it too). I've gone from 30 minutes of cardio per gym visit to 45 - 50 minutes on a few days.
All for three pounds. Three little rat bastard pounds. And I bet they came from my boobs too, and not my ass. *grumble*
Ok enough complaining. I guess I'm gonna keep on with this business a little longer. No sense in returning to bad habits. Christ. This time last year I was 127 pounds. ARGH. What the jesus tap dancing christ is wrong with my body??
What was that I said about enough complaining?
Thank god I found my hair yesterday. The place I went to for rebraiding jacked it up so bad I thought I was gonna die. One side of my hair was 2 to 2 1/2 inches longer than the other side! It sloped down my back at an angle *sigh*. And it was so short I was like...where is the hair???
So I went back yesterday and said, *we got a problem* and showed them the difference in length...and the owner said *yep we got a problem* *oy* so they took out the curl from the bottom (boom hair came back nice and long) and cut it straight. Now its down almost to my waist (where it should be and not all the way up to my breasts) and looks about 10000 times freakier. I was worried there for a bit. Really really worried. I always get nervous when I hear the people behind me using scissors...ack!!
Back to work....
hahahah
All for three pounds. Three little rat bastard pounds. And I bet they came from my boobs too, and not my ass. *grumble*
Ok enough complaining. I guess I'm gonna keep on with this business a little longer. No sense in returning to bad habits. Christ. This time last year I was 127 pounds. ARGH. What the jesus tap dancing christ is wrong with my body??
What was that I said about enough complaining?
Thank god I found my hair yesterday. The place I went to for rebraiding jacked it up so bad I thought I was gonna die. One side of my hair was 2 to 2 1/2 inches longer than the other side! It sloped down my back at an angle *sigh*. And it was so short I was like...where is the hair???
So I went back yesterday and said, *we got a problem* and showed them the difference in length...and the owner said *yep we got a problem* *oy* so they took out the curl from the bottom (boom hair came back nice and long) and cut it straight. Now its down almost to my waist (where it should be and not all the way up to my breasts) and looks about 10000 times freakier. I was worried there for a bit. Really really worried. I always get nervous when I hear the people behind me using scissors...ack!!
Back to work....
hahahah
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Wheeee its Ebullying on Ebay!
Ya know, I thought about it even more *this blog further references the Death of Professionalism blog below, so read it too heh*. It's not just a lack of professionalism going on here. Its also bullying, pure and simple.
Pushing little children
With their fully automatics
They like to push the weak around
Why do I say that? Well, first off, as I mentioned in the previous post, the *big name* powerseller DIYers *at least believe* that they have some influence in the DIY community (do they or dont they is purely up to supposition, I guess. For example, if you read someting Shrinkle posts on her About Me page, and it causes you to feel or behave in a certain way, then that's influence). So by posting a message on an About Me page that basically says *do not buy from anyone whose work even remotely resembles mine* sellers are using their influence, either perceived or actual, to cause a potential buyer to stay away from another seller.
Why would anyone purposely try to hurt the sales of another DIY seller? What is the gain in that? The existence of other sellers doesnt HURT any other seller. In fact, it helps the market. Competition brings variety, which brings more interest from buyers - many of whom may not have even known DIY clothing was available on ebay...which brings more potential customers. And more sales. Additionally, for most DIY sellers, this is all they do for a living. This is a full time job. So we have powersellers (btw that means theyre already successful...they're making $$, they have an established client base) who are using their influence to steer buyers away from sellers who are trying to get established in the market, who are not yet so successful, who have not yet built up a client base. Beyond unprofessional, beyond bullying...thats just plain irresponsible and, well, petty.
As I said before, if you're successful, you're going to see your work mirrored in the work of others...its a pitfall of success...
I mean, if you're lucky in this game too...
there's gonna be another cat comin' out, looking like you, sounding like you next year, I know this.
There'll be a flipside to what you did, somebody else trying to spin off like some series...
That's what happens. That's what happens with success....that's life. Get over it. Or IGNORE it. And move on. Do your thing, try to improve on your thing. Make your thing better. Stay ahead of them...push yourself to do something new and better rather than stagnating and complaining that everyone else is doing the same thing you are. Push your boundaries past them, rather than trying to defend the boundaries you *claim* as yours.
See, I was just surfing ebay and came across more of these petty little *im being copied* rants...
And every time I see one...I just want to throw something or strangle someone...wanting so bad to knock some sense into some twenty-something-year-old ego-absorbed little girls. But instead I think I'm gonna just ignore it from now on. I think. Maybe I'll go surf Overstock.com or something...geebus.
Ok, maybe I'm done with this topic, maybe not. But for now I'm going to over to my sewing machine and take my own advice :) Gonna go see if I can push my boundaries and stay ahead of MY competition *oy*
Pushing little children
With their fully automatics
They like to push the weak around
Why do I say that? Well, first off, as I mentioned in the previous post, the *big name* powerseller DIYers *at least believe* that they have some influence in the DIY community (do they or dont they is purely up to supposition, I guess. For example, if you read someting Shrinkle posts on her About Me page, and it causes you to feel or behave in a certain way, then that's influence). So by posting a message on an About Me page that basically says *do not buy from anyone whose work even remotely resembles mine* sellers are using their influence, either perceived or actual, to cause a potential buyer to stay away from another seller.
Why would anyone purposely try to hurt the sales of another DIY seller? What is the gain in that? The existence of other sellers doesnt HURT any other seller. In fact, it helps the market. Competition brings variety, which brings more interest from buyers - many of whom may not have even known DIY clothing was available on ebay...which brings more potential customers. And more sales. Additionally, for most DIY sellers, this is all they do for a living. This is a full time job. So we have powersellers (btw that means theyre already successful...they're making $$, they have an established client base) who are using their influence to steer buyers away from sellers who are trying to get established in the market, who are not yet so successful, who have not yet built up a client base. Beyond unprofessional, beyond bullying...thats just plain irresponsible and, well, petty.
As I said before, if you're successful, you're going to see your work mirrored in the work of others...its a pitfall of success...
I mean, if you're lucky in this game too...
there's gonna be another cat comin' out, looking like you, sounding like you next year, I know this.
There'll be a flipside to what you did, somebody else trying to spin off like some series...
That's what happens. That's what happens with success....that's life. Get over it. Or IGNORE it. And move on. Do your thing, try to improve on your thing. Make your thing better. Stay ahead of them...push yourself to do something new and better rather than stagnating and complaining that everyone else is doing the same thing you are. Push your boundaries past them, rather than trying to defend the boundaries you *claim* as yours.
See, I was just surfing ebay and came across more of these petty little *im being copied* rants...
And every time I see one...I just want to throw something or strangle someone...wanting so bad to knock some sense into some twenty-something-year-old ego-absorbed little girls. But instead I think I'm gonna just ignore it from now on. I think. Maybe I'll go surf Overstock.com or something...geebus.
Ok, maybe I'm done with this topic, maybe not. But for now I'm going to over to my sewing machine and take my own advice :) Gonna go see if I can push my boundaries and stay ahead of MY competition *oy*
Friday, June 10, 2005
The Death of Professionalism
I have big issues with professionalism, and professional behavior. Everyone who has ever exchanged *email rants* with me has seen me use this word a lot: professionalism. I respect people who run their business in a professional manner. I likewise respect those buyers who conduct their transactions in a professional manner. My opinion...having spent a lot of hard earned money myself in my life...is that anyone who is willing to exchange that hard earned money for something you have to offer, deserves a certain level of respect in exchange for that transaction. Even people who don't buy...who are just shopping, who lose bids, who contact you with questions...these people have taken time out of their day to demonstrate an interest in something you have to offer. This alone demands a level of respectful conduct.
Oh there's a rant coming, can you feel it?
I have either been involved with or have witnessed an almost intolerable amount of unprofessional behavior in the eBay DIY community recently. I've been on the buyer's side of some of it too...involving MY hard earned money. Today I feel moved to comment on these matters. Just because its my blog so I can do what I want :) You see, I spend a lot of time lurking around eBay, and MySpace, and LJ, etc...I see a lot of things that go on that a lot of other people miss, I think. I'm waaaaay tuned in to the community...moreso than you think I am, moreso than I appear to be. I pretty much just sit in the dark corners, listening and watching.
1. A seller's About Me page is not an appropriate forum to air dirty laundry.
I don't know what it is. Well, yes I do. Its a combination of immaturity and ego. For some reason, some sellers think its totally appropriate to air their dirty laundry on their About Me page. An example - names withheld. Apparantly, an ebay shopper sent an email to a *big name* DIYer, expressing some opinions about some of the things the seller had on her About Me page. I will admit, the opinions this buyer expressed were a bit strong, and not presented in maybe the most *polite* manner, but she did have some valid points nonetheless. Rather than deal face to face with this buyer, this seller chose instead to post the buyers contact information, her email *at least the portion of it she considered rude...who knows what the full email said...maybe it was gushing love for her product...who knows* and her response to it on her About Me page.
The first thing I thought about this was, what was her intent in publishing this? Why air this laundry for the rest of the world to see? It seems fairly obvious that she feels she wields some sort of influence in the DIY community *which I suppose she does to some extent* and decided to use this forum as a way to exact a measure of revenge on the person who sent this email. By publishing this girl's contact information, she is in effect suggesting to her loyal fans and friends that they contact this girl and harass her. Send her some rude email back. Make her life a living hell, perhaps. Which by the way is not legal on ebay...it apparantly didn't take long for someone to tell her that, because the posting disappeared within a day and it wasn't ebay that did that...ebay wouldn't tell her to take it down, they would have just yanked her about me page, given her a strike one (or two or whatever) and told her to play nice or else.
Why publish this? What does this have to do with her product, her quality, her shipping rates, or anything that has to do with her business? It has nothing to do with it. It has no place on an about me page. It was a combination of ego, immaturity, and really I guess the desire to create some sort of drama for everyone around her to participate in. In any case, I lost a lot of respect for her when I saw that, and I think others did too. Well some...there are those that thrive on drama and just eat that crap up. I just think its unprofessional.
1a. A seller's About Me page is not an appropriate forum for that, either...
I could devote another entire litany of blog to the whole *myth of originality* issue (as so eloquently coined by Karmyn). As she said, life is not so much a straight road as it is a paved circle...nothing is truly new or original. But as I surf about me pages, I find more and more sellers posting their opinions on what they consider the *idea theft in DIY*...I've seen this on about me pages from the top end power sellers all the way down to the DIYer who started selling three weeks ago and is already complaining that her ideas are being *stolen*.
Let's get a few things straight. I didn't invent the corset. I didn't invent the hoodie. DIYer *X* didn't invent the skirt, or the pants, or the purse, or the halter top or....you get my point on this. These clothing items have existed long before any of our births. We all must surely know that women have been wearing corsets off and on for thousands of years. So when I see that another DIYer makes corsets, I should not go immediately into *idea theft* mode. LOTS of people make corsets...lip service, bebe, morbid threads, christ you name it. So just because someone makes the same items as you does NOT constitute *idea theft*.
Next point: These garments can only be made a certain number of limited ways. Pants...can only have a limited number of things done to them...shorten them, widen the bottoms, make the bottoms narrower, lower the waist line, raise the waistline...and its all been done before. Same with corsets...they can lace in the front, back, on one side or the other or both sides, they can button up, zip up, velcro up even. They can be strapless or have a strap or a tie or a chain around the neck. All of these variations have been done before. Before we were born. To suggest that someone is stealing your idea because they used the same variation of a corset that you did...is wrong. So this week I made a corset that ties up both sides. Next week someone else does it. Have they *stolen my idea* ? Most certainly not. Did they sees my corset, see that it sold well, and thought to themselves that they should try the same? Quite possibly so, but there's the chance that Kitter sent an email to 100 DIYers on the same day asking them all to do a corset that laces up the sides. There's a chance they came up with it on their own, and have never seen my work and have absolutely no idea that I did one like that, or even know who the fuck I am for that matter. Say they DID see my work and said, hey I'm gonna do that and see if I can make something neat, too...does that mean they *stole* my idea? NO IT DOES NOT because it isnt MY IDEA. Sure I may have been the first DIYer on ebay to have done one like that, or maybe the first one in a long time, or maybe the first one that got noticed doing it...BUT ITS NOT MY IDEA. Some seamstress in the year 1034 probably came up with that. I used the idea but its not mine. They can't steal it from me, because I don't own it.
Next point: There are genres of styles that come and go. We can all name a bunch of them: punk, goth, emo, hippy, preppy, surfer, slacker, geek, sci-fi, jock, rockabilly, freak, metalhead, pothead, rennaisance...you name it the list will literally go on forever. Clothing has been made, and will continue to be made, in all of these genres as is dictated by the ebb and flow of the fashion industry and consumer interest. I make corsets that are geared toward the alternative/metal/punk/freak/goth genre. Yesterday while surfing around eBay I must have seen 10 other DIY sellers who offer corsets in a very similar style as mine....from the big name powersellers to gals who just started last week and are hoping to break into the market. Are they all stealing my ideas because their corsets are the same genre of style as mine? No. Even if it was my corsets they saw, and thought, wow I could do that...are they stealing my ideas? No. I didn't invent the genre or the style. The culture in which I live my life, the same one that I create clothing in the style of, has been around for a long time. I've been a metalhead since high school...and that was a LOONG time ago, sad to say. Ebay wasn't around then. Hell the internet wasn't around then. But this style of clothing was. No seller on eBay today invented it.
In summary: (and I'm going to say this in terms of corsets, because thats what I do...you can insert any piece of clothing into this that you want and its still the truth) Just because someone else on ebay is selling a corset that is similar in design and construction to mine, and is styled in the same genre as mine, does not mean that this seller has stolen shit from me.
Is there actually bona fide idea theft on ebay? Yep there sure is. Here is an example - a true story. A girl saw a top that a powerseller is selling. Now this top is unique to some extent...no one else is really selling them at the time, but its still not original (see all the points above, they all apply). This seller is obviously doing well selling this top. This girl sees this top and loves it. Now one problem this seller has is she likes to show her tops flat in one of her pictures (like I do) and when its done like that, its pretty obvious how the top is put together...you can create a pattern based on that picture. (cant really do that with corsets, pants, stuff like that, but this top is unique in this manner) Well, that's what this girl did. She studied the picture, recreated this seller's exact pattern, then set about sewing these items and selling them on ebay. The original seller contacted this girl, the girl admitted to her that she'd copied her pattern and was making the identical top. You can't steal someone else's pattern and use it. That's theft. This seller created this pattern with her own hands. Sure it was a pattern of a thing that was not original, but it was hers. Make your own goddamn pattern. Make YOUR version of that top. It will have similarities (as in point two above, you can only do things a certain number of ways) but don't straight up steal another person's version of that top and call it your own. THAT is theft. Also, there is an ebay seller out there who *apparantly* got upset with another seller's complaints about *idea theft* and I guess decided that if she's going to be accused, she might as well do it. She created a new identity mocking the identity of this other seller, and then mimicked the look and feel of her presentation...the way she models clothes, the color of her font, some of her wording that is unique to her (and she lifted a lot of my wording too, which never made sense to me...I'm about as involved in that as I am in brain surgery...). What's sad is that this has been going on for about three months, and her sales are good (whats odder still is I know who's doing it - not that anyone TOLD me - but its obvious if you pay attn - and she's a powerseller herself...wtf?) and no one out there buying seems to see that its a rude attack on another DIY seller...everyone is like oblivious to it. So I guess this gal is riding this account out to make some money I guess...or to prove a point? I dunno.
I got way off the original topic, like I knew I would *because this shit just pisses me right off* but how does this apply to a seller using their About Me page to complain about *idea theft*?? Think about it this way...Ford makes a 4X4 truck. It has a 2 ton capacity. It comes in green and blue and black and red. The driver sits on the left. There is a steering wheel, gas pedal, brake, and stick shift. There is a radio. There is a nice leather interior. There is a 400 horsepower engine in it. Mirrors on the side....etc. DODGE MAKES ONE TOO, just like it. There are differences (Dodge has the cool front end) but guess what, they are essentially the same truck. When was the last time Ford put out an advertising that stated, "Everyone in the truck industry is copying us. Its not flattering, we think it sucks." Sounds retarded when you think about it that way, doesn't it? And it invites people (like the account above thats mimicking one of our big time *theft* complainers) to do things that create drama that just unnecessary and dare I say...unprofessional.
I could go on about consumerism, the free market, why there is both coke and pepsi, but I don't think these gals are going to get that. A few of them seem to think they are much more special than the rest of the DIY community...they think what they make is a minted orginal and no one dare come out with anything even remotely similar. I'm not like that. I see the things that I have done and had success with mimicked in the work of others. I figure the market will decide what it likes and buy accordingly. In some ways thats the price of success. It always has been. I get over it...and don't invite trouble by posting *whines* on my About Me page. I post my opinions here on my blog, where I'm not selling things, and not taking anyone's hard earned money.
There are more unprofessional things I've witnessed recently on ebay...I think I'll save that for another day...I think I've already written too much today. Probably lost everyone on like the third paragraph anyway....
Oh there's a rant coming, can you feel it?
I have either been involved with or have witnessed an almost intolerable amount of unprofessional behavior in the eBay DIY community recently. I've been on the buyer's side of some of it too...involving MY hard earned money. Today I feel moved to comment on these matters. Just because its my blog so I can do what I want :) You see, I spend a lot of time lurking around eBay, and MySpace, and LJ, etc...I see a lot of things that go on that a lot of other people miss, I think. I'm waaaaay tuned in to the community...moreso than you think I am, moreso than I appear to be. I pretty much just sit in the dark corners, listening and watching.
1. A seller's About Me page is not an appropriate forum to air dirty laundry.
I don't know what it is. Well, yes I do. Its a combination of immaturity and ego. For some reason, some sellers think its totally appropriate to air their dirty laundry on their About Me page. An example - names withheld. Apparantly, an ebay shopper sent an email to a *big name* DIYer, expressing some opinions about some of the things the seller had on her About Me page. I will admit, the opinions this buyer expressed were a bit strong, and not presented in maybe the most *polite* manner, but she did have some valid points nonetheless. Rather than deal face to face with this buyer, this seller chose instead to post the buyers contact information, her email *at least the portion of it she considered rude...who knows what the full email said...maybe it was gushing love for her product...who knows* and her response to it on her About Me page.
The first thing I thought about this was, what was her intent in publishing this? Why air this laundry for the rest of the world to see? It seems fairly obvious that she feels she wields some sort of influence in the DIY community *which I suppose she does to some extent* and decided to use this forum as a way to exact a measure of revenge on the person who sent this email. By publishing this girl's contact information, she is in effect suggesting to her loyal fans and friends that they contact this girl and harass her. Send her some rude email back. Make her life a living hell, perhaps. Which by the way is not legal on ebay...it apparantly didn't take long for someone to tell her that, because the posting disappeared within a day and it wasn't ebay that did that...ebay wouldn't tell her to take it down, they would have just yanked her about me page, given her a strike one (or two or whatever) and told her to play nice or else.
Why publish this? What does this have to do with her product, her quality, her shipping rates, or anything that has to do with her business? It has nothing to do with it. It has no place on an about me page. It was a combination of ego, immaturity, and really I guess the desire to create some sort of drama for everyone around her to participate in. In any case, I lost a lot of respect for her when I saw that, and I think others did too. Well some...there are those that thrive on drama and just eat that crap up. I just think its unprofessional.
1a. A seller's About Me page is not an appropriate forum for that, either...
I could devote another entire litany of blog to the whole *myth of originality* issue (as so eloquently coined by Karmyn). As she said, life is not so much a straight road as it is a paved circle...nothing is truly new or original. But as I surf about me pages, I find more and more sellers posting their opinions on what they consider the *idea theft in DIY*...I've seen this on about me pages from the top end power sellers all the way down to the DIYer who started selling three weeks ago and is already complaining that her ideas are being *stolen*.
Let's get a few things straight. I didn't invent the corset. I didn't invent the hoodie. DIYer *X* didn't invent the skirt, or the pants, or the purse, or the halter top or....you get my point on this. These clothing items have existed long before any of our births. We all must surely know that women have been wearing corsets off and on for thousands of years. So when I see that another DIYer makes corsets, I should not go immediately into *idea theft* mode. LOTS of people make corsets...lip service, bebe, morbid threads, christ you name it. So just because someone makes the same items as you does NOT constitute *idea theft*.
Next point: These garments can only be made a certain number of limited ways. Pants...can only have a limited number of things done to them...shorten them, widen the bottoms, make the bottoms narrower, lower the waist line, raise the waistline...and its all been done before. Same with corsets...they can lace in the front, back, on one side or the other or both sides, they can button up, zip up, velcro up even. They can be strapless or have a strap or a tie or a chain around the neck. All of these variations have been done before. Before we were born. To suggest that someone is stealing your idea because they used the same variation of a corset that you did...is wrong. So this week I made a corset that ties up both sides. Next week someone else does it. Have they *stolen my idea* ? Most certainly not. Did they sees my corset, see that it sold well, and thought to themselves that they should try the same? Quite possibly so, but there's the chance that Kitter sent an email to 100 DIYers on the same day asking them all to do a corset that laces up the sides. There's a chance they came up with it on their own, and have never seen my work and have absolutely no idea that I did one like that, or even know who the fuck I am for that matter. Say they DID see my work and said, hey I'm gonna do that and see if I can make something neat, too...does that mean they *stole* my idea? NO IT DOES NOT because it isnt MY IDEA. Sure I may have been the first DIYer on ebay to have done one like that, or maybe the first one in a long time, or maybe the first one that got noticed doing it...BUT ITS NOT MY IDEA. Some seamstress in the year 1034 probably came up with that. I used the idea but its not mine. They can't steal it from me, because I don't own it.
Next point: There are genres of styles that come and go. We can all name a bunch of them: punk, goth, emo, hippy, preppy, surfer, slacker, geek, sci-fi, jock, rockabilly, freak, metalhead, pothead, rennaisance...you name it the list will literally go on forever. Clothing has been made, and will continue to be made, in all of these genres as is dictated by the ebb and flow of the fashion industry and consumer interest. I make corsets that are geared toward the alternative/metal/punk/freak/goth genre. Yesterday while surfing around eBay I must have seen 10 other DIY sellers who offer corsets in a very similar style as mine....from the big name powersellers to gals who just started last week and are hoping to break into the market. Are they all stealing my ideas because their corsets are the same genre of style as mine? No. Even if it was my corsets they saw, and thought, wow I could do that...are they stealing my ideas? No. I didn't invent the genre or the style. The culture in which I live my life, the same one that I create clothing in the style of, has been around for a long time. I've been a metalhead since high school...and that was a LOONG time ago, sad to say. Ebay wasn't around then. Hell the internet wasn't around then. But this style of clothing was. No seller on eBay today invented it.
In summary: (and I'm going to say this in terms of corsets, because thats what I do...you can insert any piece of clothing into this that you want and its still the truth) Just because someone else on ebay is selling a corset that is similar in design and construction to mine, and is styled in the same genre as mine, does not mean that this seller has stolen shit from me.
Is there actually bona fide idea theft on ebay? Yep there sure is. Here is an example - a true story. A girl saw a top that a powerseller is selling. Now this top is unique to some extent...no one else is really selling them at the time, but its still not original (see all the points above, they all apply). This seller is obviously doing well selling this top. This girl sees this top and loves it. Now one problem this seller has is she likes to show her tops flat in one of her pictures (like I do) and when its done like that, its pretty obvious how the top is put together...you can create a pattern based on that picture. (cant really do that with corsets, pants, stuff like that, but this top is unique in this manner) Well, that's what this girl did. She studied the picture, recreated this seller's exact pattern, then set about sewing these items and selling them on ebay. The original seller contacted this girl, the girl admitted to her that she'd copied her pattern and was making the identical top. You can't steal someone else's pattern and use it. That's theft. This seller created this pattern with her own hands. Sure it was a pattern of a thing that was not original, but it was hers. Make your own goddamn pattern. Make YOUR version of that top. It will have similarities (as in point two above, you can only do things a certain number of ways) but don't straight up steal another person's version of that top and call it your own. THAT is theft. Also, there is an ebay seller out there who *apparantly* got upset with another seller's complaints about *idea theft* and I guess decided that if she's going to be accused, she might as well do it. She created a new identity mocking the identity of this other seller, and then mimicked the look and feel of her presentation...the way she models clothes, the color of her font, some of her wording that is unique to her (and she lifted a lot of my wording too, which never made sense to me...I'm about as involved in that as I am in brain surgery...). What's sad is that this has been going on for about three months, and her sales are good (whats odder still is I know who's doing it - not that anyone TOLD me - but its obvious if you pay attn - and she's a powerseller herself...wtf?) and no one out there buying seems to see that its a rude attack on another DIY seller...everyone is like oblivious to it. So I guess this gal is riding this account out to make some money I guess...or to prove a point? I dunno.
I got way off the original topic, like I knew I would *because this shit just pisses me right off* but how does this apply to a seller using their About Me page to complain about *idea theft*?? Think about it this way...Ford makes a 4X4 truck. It has a 2 ton capacity. It comes in green and blue and black and red. The driver sits on the left. There is a steering wheel, gas pedal, brake, and stick shift. There is a radio. There is a nice leather interior. There is a 400 horsepower engine in it. Mirrors on the side....etc. DODGE MAKES ONE TOO, just like it. There are differences (Dodge has the cool front end) but guess what, they are essentially the same truck. When was the last time Ford put out an advertising that stated, "Everyone in the truck industry is copying us. Its not flattering, we think it sucks." Sounds retarded when you think about it that way, doesn't it? And it invites people (like the account above thats mimicking one of our big time *theft* complainers) to do things that create drama that just unnecessary and dare I say...unprofessional.
I could go on about consumerism, the free market, why there is both coke and pepsi, but I don't think these gals are going to get that. A few of them seem to think they are much more special than the rest of the DIY community...they think what they make is a minted orginal and no one dare come out with anything even remotely similar. I'm not like that. I see the things that I have done and had success with mimicked in the work of others. I figure the market will decide what it likes and buy accordingly. In some ways thats the price of success. It always has been. I get over it...and don't invite trouble by posting *whines* on my About Me page. I post my opinions here on my blog, where I'm not selling things, and not taking anyone's hard earned money.
There are more unprofessional things I've witnessed recently on ebay...I think I'll save that for another day...I think I've already written too much today. Probably lost everyone on like the third paragraph anyway....
Thursday, June 09, 2005
A Boring Blog Entry
The battle with the bulge continues...for the moment, I appear to be winning. I've lost 4.25 pounds in 18 days (yes .25...the scale is too heavy at the full pound mark, and too light at the half pound mark...I'm taking my goddamn quarter pound...I earned it). My subgoal for tomorrow is 131 pounds, but I don't think I'm gonna get there, as thats 1.75 pounds down. I know my body, at 137, it says WHOA IM FAT...and sheds the pounds fast. at 132 it says WHOA IM STARVIN' and starts holding on to the weight for dear life. Getting under 130 is going to take some serious doing. And I want to drink Friday night, too...that will set me back a pound.
I was so proud of myself last night, I was tense and stressing...trying to get a listing done so I could go to bed...and I resisted the urge to drink to relieve the stress. Instead I just pulled out all my hair (hehe just kidding...I think). The husband was even on his way to the liquor store, asking me what I wanted and I stuck to my guns. I wanted to drink SOOOO BAD. Didn't :) One small victory in the battle of the bulge.
Its hard for me, tho. Unlike so many other americans, for whom a simple diet change and a weekly exercise regimen would set them on a good path to weight loss, I was already on that path when I decided to lose more weight. I can't just change my diet and start going to the gym and expect to see results in a month. While I admit my diet needed altering (eating well 90% of the day doesnt mean SHIT when you totally fuck up what you put in your mouth the other 10% of the time...salad, fruit, lean meat and veggies followed by 2 donuts and 3 cookies and 4 alcoholic beverages doesn't make for a good dietary plan), I was (and still am lol) a regular gym rat. So I don't have the easy out of going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week for a better me...I was already doing that and getting the maximum benefit I could from it. So I've had to up my gym time to 5 days a week. Which means I have to go on a weekend day *AGH* when I'm usually quite content to sit on my ass in front of a sewing machine.
And whoever said excercise gives you energy was full of shit. It makes me tired. It makes my body hurt...esp my legs, after sitting on the stationary bike or using the elliptical machine for 45 minutes, then having to hike to the train immediately thereafter...some days im dragging myself home, using my teeth to pull myself along. I always fall asleep on the train ride home now. Havent missed my stop yet LOL waiting for that to happen. Wake up in freaking Rockville MD or some shit, an hour from home...drool all over myself...sore throat from snoring...hahaha.
Then there's always the issue of maintenance. Sure I can take 5 weeks and lose 15ish pounds...get down to where I want to be...but can I maintain it? Is it physically possible for my body to even be that low in weight? Dunno. These are the questions that have no answers. I do think 125 is a fair weight for me. For my height and age (the damn age thing bumps you up like 5 pounds in the acceptable weight chart...bah) I should weigh between 130 and 145, something like that...but I am a small boned girl. I have been at 115 before (as a full grown adult, when I was 27/28 ish years old) but I was also riding my moutain bike 10 miles a day 7 days a week. I don't have the time for that kind of cardiovascular activity any more. Although it would be fun to get back on the bike and hit some dirt trails again *literally...lol* I am also extremely muscular...and muscle weighs quite a bit...so I also have to take that into consideration. I don't care to lose my muscular development, although the bulkiness makes it hard to find clothes that fit, esp in the arms. My arms are unreal *for a girl ~ haha theyre pretty lame for a guy, although I have seen a lot of guys with smaller arms than mine...heh* They'd look a lot more unreal at 125 pounds...I'd be leaner and the musculature would show even better.
Well, anyway that was a dull blog entry. No one said they'd all be winners :)
I was so proud of myself last night, I was tense and stressing...trying to get a listing done so I could go to bed...and I resisted the urge to drink to relieve the stress. Instead I just pulled out all my hair (hehe just kidding...I think). The husband was even on his way to the liquor store, asking me what I wanted and I stuck to my guns. I wanted to drink SOOOO BAD. Didn't :) One small victory in the battle of the bulge.
Its hard for me, tho. Unlike so many other americans, for whom a simple diet change and a weekly exercise regimen would set them on a good path to weight loss, I was already on that path when I decided to lose more weight. I can't just change my diet and start going to the gym and expect to see results in a month. While I admit my diet needed altering (eating well 90% of the day doesnt mean SHIT when you totally fuck up what you put in your mouth the other 10% of the time...salad, fruit, lean meat and veggies followed by 2 donuts and 3 cookies and 4 alcoholic beverages doesn't make for a good dietary plan), I was (and still am lol) a regular gym rat. So I don't have the easy out of going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week for a better me...I was already doing that and getting the maximum benefit I could from it. So I've had to up my gym time to 5 days a week. Which means I have to go on a weekend day *AGH* when I'm usually quite content to sit on my ass in front of a sewing machine.
And whoever said excercise gives you energy was full of shit. It makes me tired. It makes my body hurt...esp my legs, after sitting on the stationary bike or using the elliptical machine for 45 minutes, then having to hike to the train immediately thereafter...some days im dragging myself home, using my teeth to pull myself along. I always fall asleep on the train ride home now. Havent missed my stop yet LOL waiting for that to happen. Wake up in freaking Rockville MD or some shit, an hour from home...drool all over myself...sore throat from snoring...hahaha.
Then there's always the issue of maintenance. Sure I can take 5 weeks and lose 15ish pounds...get down to where I want to be...but can I maintain it? Is it physically possible for my body to even be that low in weight? Dunno. These are the questions that have no answers. I do think 125 is a fair weight for me. For my height and age (the damn age thing bumps you up like 5 pounds in the acceptable weight chart...bah) I should weigh between 130 and 145, something like that...but I am a small boned girl. I have been at 115 before (as a full grown adult, when I was 27/28 ish years old) but I was also riding my moutain bike 10 miles a day 7 days a week. I don't have the time for that kind of cardiovascular activity any more. Although it would be fun to get back on the bike and hit some dirt trails again *literally...lol* I am also extremely muscular...and muscle weighs quite a bit...so I also have to take that into consideration. I don't care to lose my muscular development, although the bulkiness makes it hard to find clothes that fit, esp in the arms. My arms are unreal *for a girl ~ haha theyre pretty lame for a guy, although I have seen a lot of guys with smaller arms than mine...heh* They'd look a lot more unreal at 125 pounds...I'd be leaner and the musculature would show even better.
Well, anyway that was a dull blog entry. No one said they'd all be winners :)
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
A return to serenity *hahahahhah riiiiiiight*
Ahhh...starting to feel much better. Woke up this morning with none of the self-destructive angst I've been feeling for the last 3 or 4 days. Think I'm going to survive yet another month...crawl out of this hole I've been lying in...and get back to business. I think...lol :)
That's soooo mentally draining. It just takes everything out of me. I don't want to work out, I don't want to sew...and when I try to sew, my creativity is totally jammed. I even tried to play The Sims 2 Saturday evening...I was so angst ridden all I could do was sit there on the chair all curled up in a ball and moan. When The Sims is too much to take...that's just sad. I think I went to bed Saturday night at about 10:00...sober even! In any case, starting to come out of the fog...feeling better. For another three weeks. Then the ground will open up and try to swallow me yet again.
Wow is it hot and humid out here in DC. I feel sorry for all the tourists out here checking out the monuments and museums and having to walk around in all this muck. Hahaha nah, I don't really feel sorry for them. I've had my fill of tourists. They all look the same...mom, dad...one to three kids, usually. Mom is dressed in a white tshirt and long khaki shorts with sensible walking shoes. wearing a fanny pack. and usually carrying a backpack, presumably full of pop or food or jackets for the kids or some shit. dad has shorts on with sandals, and he looks so uncomfortable in them, like its only the third time he's ever worn shorts in his life. usually a striped polo shirt of some kind. camera on a strap around the neck. both of them are staring at the train maps trying to figure out how to get to the national zoo while the kids run up and down the aisle of the train. up and down up and down and up and down...of course this is at 8am on a workday...when the people who have to live and work in this money pit are trying to get 5 minutes of peace and quiet on the train before they have to shuffle off to their gov't cubicle to work.
of course after they stare at the pocket train map, they have to walk over to the giant train map posted on the side of the car...and stick out their hands, over the heads of the poor working classes trying to get to work...and trace the route with their fingers, as if to somehow magically confirm their planned route. then they have to ask the poor commuters sitting under the map (which is why i stopped sitting there) if the smithsonian stop on the train will actually take them to the smithsonian ~ dar. and while youre at it, can you tell us what stop we need to take to see the jefferson memorial? how about the white house...? meanwhile the kids run up the aisles and down, up and down, down and up...tripping over the briefcases of commuters...laughing, using outdoor voices (anyone who rides a train to work knows...its a SILENT place. we all shut the fuck up, listen to our mp3 players, or read newspapers....we dont talk...and we DONT use outdoor voices)...
of course when mom and dad figure out its their stop....they have to panic, round up the kids...*josh...emily...this is our stop*...*JOSH...EMILY*...omg one mom once got separated from her kid (i dont know his age cuz...um...he wasnt there...they were separated LOL) at 5pm on the train on a workday. this train is PACKED...i mean we got people smashed in so tight their faces are mushed up against the windows...and shes screaming *JOSH* *JOSH where ARE YOU??* *JOSH GET OFF THE TRAIN IF YOU CAN HEAR ME* and freaking....*omg should I get off?*...*omg where is he*....i guess freaking at that point is somewhat acceptable, however I don't think Josh was 8 years old....I think he was a teenager that wanted to sit a LOOOONG way from mom on the train so he could feel a bit of independence (she had other teenagers with her) and they apparantly didnt realize, as the car got full to the seams, that they hadnt coordinated their plans as to what stop they were they getting off at. Apparantly they also didnt realize that people live and work in DC so they werent expecting 98234792384 people to be at the train depot...
well cut to mom and dad, rounding up the kids as panicky as possible, herding them off the train. You have to ride an escalator up out of the loading area. Its an unwritten rule *because there are soooo many type A people in the world* that you walk on the left side of the escalator, and stand on the right. Now I say its unwritten, and its true, so perhaps its unfair to presume everyone knows this; however when there are three sets of escalators being used by 349347 people, and the pattern is OBVIOUS...you have a stream of people walking up one side, and standees on the other. There are so many people you cant miss it. but tourists do. they always do. i guess they are so busy fumbling with their metro passes *how do these cards work? i dont understand....* or dealing with their kid shit...that they are completely oblivious to the fact that its the morning RUSH HOUR, there are 3294534985 people waiting to use the escalators to get out of this depot and get to work...so they stand in a little *tourist family robinson clump* to ride the escalators up...and the line to ride it behind them comes to a complete stop. of course they have to reconvene at the top of the escalators to get the kids in line again, and to reconfirm their plans ala which direction they are going to walk....right at the top of the escalator, so that the crowd behind them has to squeeze around them to get past and get on with their business...
must be nice to have a vacation. although for the life of me i cant see why you'd want to take it here. its too hot and humid...
That's soooo mentally draining. It just takes everything out of me. I don't want to work out, I don't want to sew...and when I try to sew, my creativity is totally jammed. I even tried to play The Sims 2 Saturday evening...I was so angst ridden all I could do was sit there on the chair all curled up in a ball and moan. When The Sims is too much to take...that's just sad. I think I went to bed Saturday night at about 10:00...sober even! In any case, starting to come out of the fog...feeling better. For another three weeks. Then the ground will open up and try to swallow me yet again.
Wow is it hot and humid out here in DC. I feel sorry for all the tourists out here checking out the monuments and museums and having to walk around in all this muck. Hahaha nah, I don't really feel sorry for them. I've had my fill of tourists. They all look the same...mom, dad...one to three kids, usually. Mom is dressed in a white tshirt and long khaki shorts with sensible walking shoes. wearing a fanny pack. and usually carrying a backpack, presumably full of pop or food or jackets for the kids or some shit. dad has shorts on with sandals, and he looks so uncomfortable in them, like its only the third time he's ever worn shorts in his life. usually a striped polo shirt of some kind. camera on a strap around the neck. both of them are staring at the train maps trying to figure out how to get to the national zoo while the kids run up and down the aisle of the train. up and down up and down and up and down...of course this is at 8am on a workday...when the people who have to live and work in this money pit are trying to get 5 minutes of peace and quiet on the train before they have to shuffle off to their gov't cubicle to work.
of course after they stare at the pocket train map, they have to walk over to the giant train map posted on the side of the car...and stick out their hands, over the heads of the poor working classes trying to get to work...and trace the route with their fingers, as if to somehow magically confirm their planned route. then they have to ask the poor commuters sitting under the map (which is why i stopped sitting there) if the smithsonian stop on the train will actually take them to the smithsonian ~ dar. and while youre at it, can you tell us what stop we need to take to see the jefferson memorial? how about the white house...? meanwhile the kids run up the aisles and down, up and down, down and up...tripping over the briefcases of commuters...laughing, using outdoor voices (anyone who rides a train to work knows...its a SILENT place. we all shut the fuck up, listen to our mp3 players, or read newspapers....we dont talk...and we DONT use outdoor voices)...
of course when mom and dad figure out its their stop....they have to panic, round up the kids...*josh...emily...this is our stop*...*JOSH...EMILY*...omg one mom once got separated from her kid (i dont know his age cuz...um...he wasnt there...they were separated LOL) at 5pm on the train on a workday. this train is PACKED...i mean we got people smashed in so tight their faces are mushed up against the windows...and shes screaming *JOSH* *JOSH where ARE YOU??* *JOSH GET OFF THE TRAIN IF YOU CAN HEAR ME* and freaking....*omg should I get off?*...*omg where is he*....i guess freaking at that point is somewhat acceptable, however I don't think Josh was 8 years old....I think he was a teenager that wanted to sit a LOOOONG way from mom on the train so he could feel a bit of independence (she had other teenagers with her) and they apparantly didnt realize, as the car got full to the seams, that they hadnt coordinated their plans as to what stop they were they getting off at. Apparantly they also didnt realize that people live and work in DC so they werent expecting 98234792384 people to be at the train depot...
well cut to mom and dad, rounding up the kids as panicky as possible, herding them off the train. You have to ride an escalator up out of the loading area. Its an unwritten rule *because there are soooo many type A people in the world* that you walk on the left side of the escalator, and stand on the right. Now I say its unwritten, and its true, so perhaps its unfair to presume everyone knows this; however when there are three sets of escalators being used by 349347 people, and the pattern is OBVIOUS...you have a stream of people walking up one side, and standees on the other. There are so many people you cant miss it. but tourists do. they always do. i guess they are so busy fumbling with their metro passes *how do these cards work? i dont understand....* or dealing with their kid shit...that they are completely oblivious to the fact that its the morning RUSH HOUR, there are 3294534985 people waiting to use the escalators to get out of this depot and get to work...so they stand in a little *tourist family robinson clump* to ride the escalators up...and the line to ride it behind them comes to a complete stop. of course they have to reconvene at the top of the escalators to get the kids in line again, and to reconfirm their plans ala which direction they are going to walk....right at the top of the escalator, so that the crowd behind them has to squeeze around them to get past and get on with their business...
must be nice to have a vacation. although for the life of me i cant see why you'd want to take it here. its too hot and humid...
Monday, June 06, 2005
This Life (IMN)
There's no point in reading this today. It's stupid. So go find something worthwhile to spend your time on.
No one...
No one could ever understand ~
My life's exhausted...
Monday. Hot and humid today. Deep in the throes of the monthly visit. Bloated beyond all belief, beyond all reason. My fingers look like fat little sausages. There are hardly even lines in my skin any more (except on my face...oh yeah, the bloating doesn't help the fucking face much...thanks). My rings are cutting off my circulation. I am uncomfortable in my own skin, which is nothing new for sure, except now its taken on a physical manifestation rather than limiting itself to the usual mental realm. Christ will this never end??? I figured out the math yesterday, I've been enduring this every month for 24 years!!! Twenty fucking four years!! Without even so much as a break. No *you've been a good girl take a month off*. 24 times 12? 288. 288 wasted weeks of my life. Divide that by 52 weeks in a year, and that's 5 1/2 years of bloated, agonizing, painful, mentally fucking insane bullshit. Thank god mother nature saw fit to dole this shit out in weekly increments, or I'd have taken a short leap off a tall building LONG before I ever got to 5 1/2 years.
Oh well, enough of that. I'm tired today. I worked so hard yesterday...nonstop...I completed three projects. I worked from 8:30 am when I got up to 12:30 am when I finally went to bed. I couldn't sleep last night, don't know why. Couldn't sleep this morning either after the first alarm went off...and thats usually when I sleep the best. The alarm went off, my brain went *oh lookie its fun time!!! Let's fuck with her head* and started to crank out so much bullshit, making me so tense, that I couldn't lay there anymore. Not even cuddling in with the warm husband helped...and that usually helps.
All work and no play....
All work and no play left me...
Sick!
So I guess I'm still trippin' down that spiral.
I got on ebay last night before I went to bed. I know better than to get on ebay when I'm *spiraling* but I guess I crave the feeling of inadequacy and relish the opportunity to destroy my self esteem. Saw a few cool things from some new DIYers...a few things I'd really like to bid on but...well...you know...the girl modeling the corset/top looks like shes 21 years old, 5'10" and maybe 100 pounds and although she probably hasn't eaten in 3 months, she looks great. I could just imagine my potato ass in this clothing. HAHA and I'd have to imagine cuz I wouldn't fit....even if I stopped eating for three months. And everyone's work looks so crisp and new and neat and interesting. My work, to me, seems old and stale and yuck and repetitive....and....and....
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
Don't give a fuck about this
My life or any other
Just go away and let me hang
Fuck it. I don't even know why I wrote any of this down.
No one...
No one could ever understand ~
My life's exhausted...
Monday. Hot and humid today. Deep in the throes of the monthly visit. Bloated beyond all belief, beyond all reason. My fingers look like fat little sausages. There are hardly even lines in my skin any more (except on my face...oh yeah, the bloating doesn't help the fucking face much...thanks). My rings are cutting off my circulation. I am uncomfortable in my own skin, which is nothing new for sure, except now its taken on a physical manifestation rather than limiting itself to the usual mental realm. Christ will this never end??? I figured out the math yesterday, I've been enduring this every month for 24 years!!! Twenty fucking four years!! Without even so much as a break. No *you've been a good girl take a month off*. 24 times 12? 288. 288 wasted weeks of my life. Divide that by 52 weeks in a year, and that's 5 1/2 years of bloated, agonizing, painful, mentally fucking insane bullshit. Thank god mother nature saw fit to dole this shit out in weekly increments, or I'd have taken a short leap off a tall building LONG before I ever got to 5 1/2 years.
Oh well, enough of that. I'm tired today. I worked so hard yesterday...nonstop...I completed three projects. I worked from 8:30 am when I got up to 12:30 am when I finally went to bed. I couldn't sleep last night, don't know why. Couldn't sleep this morning either after the first alarm went off...and thats usually when I sleep the best. The alarm went off, my brain went *oh lookie its fun time!!! Let's fuck with her head* and started to crank out so much bullshit, making me so tense, that I couldn't lay there anymore. Not even cuddling in with the warm husband helped...and that usually helps.
All work and no play....
All work and no play left me...
Sick!
So I guess I'm still trippin' down that spiral.
I got on ebay last night before I went to bed. I know better than to get on ebay when I'm *spiraling* but I guess I crave the feeling of inadequacy and relish the opportunity to destroy my self esteem. Saw a few cool things from some new DIYers...a few things I'd really like to bid on but...well...you know...the girl modeling the corset/top looks like shes 21 years old, 5'10" and maybe 100 pounds and although she probably hasn't eaten in 3 months, she looks great. I could just imagine my potato ass in this clothing. HAHA and I'd have to imagine cuz I wouldn't fit....even if I stopped eating for three months. And everyone's work looks so crisp and new and neat and interesting. My work, to me, seems old and stale and yuck and repetitive....and....and....
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
Don't give a fuck about this
My life or any other
Just go away and let me hang
Fuck it. I don't even know why I wrote any of this down.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Margaritas, Braids and the Road out of Fat-assville
I like writing in this blogger because the font is really neat. How retarded is that? My words look so nice on this little form, it makes me want to write more of them. I should find out what this font is and use it at work...I have about 349667 writing projects that I just don't want to do, and maybe that's because my words don't look so nice in *Times New Roman*
Seems we all like the things more that look nice, and disregard the things that don't look so nice. The story of my life...hahahah *whimper*
My hair hurts today. Its pretty much time for it to come down again...its been braided now for three months. Not a task I look forward to...much work. Then I just need to find $200 to have it rebraided...lol...I can't do that part myself. I can destroy it, I can't create it. Ahh well...until the money shows up at my door (dancing, in a little suit and bow tie...with a cane...why not?) I am back to having to wash my hair, blow dry my hair, curl my hair, blah blah...all those things that I love to avoid when I'm braided. Not that I DON'T wash it when braided, oh yeah, you gotta wash the braids...but only once every other week or so. And boy is that a task. Imagine 500 pounds of wet braids hanging off your scalp...uh huh...heavvvvvy shit.
In any case, my hair, still braided, hurts today. My guts hurt today...aunt flo is around for the monthly visit as promised (here is where all the men reading the blog close the browsers and go somewhere else). You can stay, men, I won't elaborate further on the matter except to say that my guts hurt today.
I get to go to the fabric store tonight *dances* however, its just a ghetto hancocks *stops dancing* seriously its in one of the less than nice neighborhoods here in DC *actually it may be just across the border into Maryland*. My husband has to come with me to shop and act as my bodyguard...I think he secretly loves the fabric store...he is always finding fabrics that I *need* heheh...he's really good at coordinating colors with band patches and stuff like that too. Then we are going out for mexican food...to Guapos...the nummiest mexican food in DC. And you know what goes with mexican food....yup yup...MARGARITAS! Guapos has the most kick-your-ass-knock-you-over-take-your-name-leave-you-on-a-park-bench-kiss-you-goodnight margaritas that I have ever had. I think they make it with that 100 proof tequila or some shit...damn. I mean, Ive had three or four of those Don Pablos margaritas in a sitting. El Chicos has those garter margaritas...I can handle three or four of those too. Chilis, same thing. I can drink those til I don't want margaritas any more and be fine...loopy, but fine. Four margaritas at Guapos is a death sentence. By number three I usually can't see straight. I've never had four there. Obviously, as I'm still alive...
That's all the bad food and alcohol I'm having this weekend. Then its back to *good eating* me for the rest of the weekend, and I might get in some gym time too. Man this last 2 weeks on this diet has NOT been easy, but I must admit I'm getting lighter....and im WINNING the battles with the cookies and other cravings. Why today, I had to go to the cafeteria for a coke...only had a $10 bill, cant use in vending machines. I passed right by the screaming cookies AND the double chocolate walnut brownies. I thought about em. I might have even stared at them, tried to catch a whiff of their amazing aromas...but then I thought...I have to put my weight back on that website next Friday. I have a goal of 131 pounds by then. I can do that. I don't want to be embarrassed because a) I failed to achieve my goal, and b)I'm a still a fatass....so I passed them by. Took some will but not as much as I would have thought.
My husband's favorite story...he once read that Stephen Tyler said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Well, good for Stephen Tyler. Its a flat out lie, Steve. And you know it. But, thin will feel really really good, when I get there. I will too, damit....
but tonight...margaritas :)
Seems we all like the things more that look nice, and disregard the things that don't look so nice. The story of my life...hahahah *whimper*
My hair hurts today. Its pretty much time for it to come down again...its been braided now for three months. Not a task I look forward to...much work. Then I just need to find $200 to have it rebraided...lol...I can't do that part myself. I can destroy it, I can't create it. Ahh well...until the money shows up at my door (dancing, in a little suit and bow tie...with a cane...why not?) I am back to having to wash my hair, blow dry my hair, curl my hair, blah blah...all those things that I love to avoid when I'm braided. Not that I DON'T wash it when braided, oh yeah, you gotta wash the braids...but only once every other week or so. And boy is that a task. Imagine 500 pounds of wet braids hanging off your scalp...uh huh...heavvvvvy shit.
In any case, my hair, still braided, hurts today. My guts hurt today...aunt flo is around for the monthly visit as promised (here is where all the men reading the blog close the browsers and go somewhere else). You can stay, men, I won't elaborate further on the matter except to say that my guts hurt today.
I get to go to the fabric store tonight *dances* however, its just a ghetto hancocks *stops dancing* seriously its in one of the less than nice neighborhoods here in DC *actually it may be just across the border into Maryland*. My husband has to come with me to shop and act as my bodyguard...I think he secretly loves the fabric store...he is always finding fabrics that I *need* heheh...he's really good at coordinating colors with band patches and stuff like that too. Then we are going out for mexican food...to Guapos...the nummiest mexican food in DC. And you know what goes with mexican food....yup yup...MARGARITAS! Guapos has the most kick-your-ass-knock-you-over-take-your-name-leave-you-on-a-park-bench-kiss-you-goodnight margaritas that I have ever had. I think they make it with that 100 proof tequila or some shit...damn. I mean, Ive had three or four of those Don Pablos margaritas in a sitting. El Chicos has those garter margaritas...I can handle three or four of those too. Chilis, same thing. I can drink those til I don't want margaritas any more and be fine...loopy, but fine. Four margaritas at Guapos is a death sentence. By number three I usually can't see straight. I've never had four there. Obviously, as I'm still alive...
That's all the bad food and alcohol I'm having this weekend. Then its back to *good eating* me for the rest of the weekend, and I might get in some gym time too. Man this last 2 weeks on this diet has NOT been easy, but I must admit I'm getting lighter....and im WINNING the battles with the cookies and other cravings. Why today, I had to go to the cafeteria for a coke...only had a $10 bill, cant use in vending machines. I passed right by the screaming cookies AND the double chocolate walnut brownies. I thought about em. I might have even stared at them, tried to catch a whiff of their amazing aromas...but then I thought...I have to put my weight back on that website next Friday. I have a goal of 131 pounds by then. I can do that. I don't want to be embarrassed because a) I failed to achieve my goal, and b)I'm a still a fatass....so I passed them by. Took some will but not as much as I would have thought.
My husband's favorite story...he once read that Stephen Tyler said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Well, good for Stephen Tyler. Its a flat out lie, Steve. And you know it. But, thin will feel really really good, when I get there. I will too, damit....
but tonight...margaritas :)
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Falling down the spiral
It's that time again, I can feel it coming. Yay. You know, I'm almost 40 years old and I'm NOT going to be using this plumbing, so why do I still have to live with its agony every month? I should get the works removed...unfortunately, no doctor worth a crap is going to agree to do that at my age, and I suppose there are health risks.
I don't know how bad this gets for other girls, but for me, its pretty amazingly bad. I've always had the pain...ever since the very first one. My mom used to give me whiskey with warm water to knock me out so I could have a few hours respite from the pain ~ and my mother is a straight-laced person *not a whackjob* so you know how bad it was if she was resorting to that. As I've gotten older, the pain has minimized...or maybe I'm just so fucking used to the gut wrenching that I don't even care any more. At any rate, I am thankful that it's minimized to the extent that I can actually HAVE a life during the first 48 hours.
What gets to me now is the mental thing. I go from being my *normal* self (as normal as that can be) to being a stranger in my own head. I have a history of mental illness (lol thats a blog for another day for sure) but most of the time its fairly well under control. I can exist and live day to day without doing any serious harm to myself. When this time comes, all bets are off. Some months are better than others...last month, for one. My husband actually commented that he noticed no change in me...just my usual weirdness. I had to agree...it really did not affect me last month. The month before was awful. At one point I was laying in bed crying hysterically, and I smashed my head against the wall a few times...*ouch*...maybe I shouldn't sleep on the side of the bed by the wall???
I don't know if the bad months are triggered by something, or if they just happen randomly. Overall, I find around this time that I just get self-destructive. Here is an example of how the spiral goes: I look at my auctions on ebay and hate every goddamn thing I make. I look at the work of other DIYers and feel so inadequate...everything everyone makes is better than what I make. I don't feel worthy to even be taking someone else's hard earned money. Then I decide everyone is doing better financially than I am at DIY. I look at the big powersellers. CHRIST they are RAKING it in. They can do this full time apparantly for a decent living. I can't. My sales are mediocre...sometimes good, more often blah. I have to have a day job. If I suck so bad, why am I still doing this? What the fuck is even the point of doing this... One time, it was so bad, I actually took the first steps to quitting. I erased my about me page...decided I was done. Decided I was ending those auctions and never looking at ebay again. Was gonna leave a goodbye note on a new about me page and disappear.
I don't remember what talked me down from that cliff...I think I may have managed to redirect my insanity...??? But I ended up putting back my about me page the next day...it had been much larger and more personal before (lol its out of control now), when I put it back I cut it down to a bare minimum...as much of a *death* as I could give it and still have it. Thankfully, I didn't end my auctions either, and four days later I was like, what was I thinking anyway???
Fucking nuts, huh? What started me on this blog was that I was just looking at another powerseller's items...and on sane days, I like to think that I'm doing *almost* as well as she is with her beautiful tattered dresses (who could I possibly be talking about....?) I'd like to think that I'm at least experiencing something close to the level of success she is having........then ~ is it reality that hits or is it insanity? I'm looking at her beautiful work thinking I'm doing NOWHERE as well as she is. NO FUCKING WHERE. She and I aren't even in the same league. She is wonderfully creative and talented artist and seamstress, I am a piece of shit NOTHING. Yep there I was not 15 minutes ago, heading down the freaking spiral....
I'm not coming out of it. I'm trying really hard. I thought getting this out of my head and into print would help. I think the best thing for me to do is stay away from ebay today. And stay away from pretty, thin girls...and stay away from everything else that represents something I desire to be, but have *in my estimation* fallen far short of achieving. That list is so long perhaps its better that I just leave work right now and go home and hide. But the husband is there and he won't let me hide...and actually, I have fallen so short of being a good wife and person, that if I go there my inadequacies will make themselves readily apparant, they will take cohesive form, they will see me, grin evilly, and come for me. Slowly at first, like they're taunting me, but they will gain speed. Soon they will be fucking CHASING me and I won't be able to hide and then I'll fall the rest of the way down the fucking spiral and lose my fucking mind.
What's funny is that in 3 days, I'll be perfectly normal again.
Hysterectomy, anyone?
I don't know how bad this gets for other girls, but for me, its pretty amazingly bad. I've always had the pain...ever since the very first one. My mom used to give me whiskey with warm water to knock me out so I could have a few hours respite from the pain ~ and my mother is a straight-laced person *not a whackjob* so you know how bad it was if she was resorting to that. As I've gotten older, the pain has minimized...or maybe I'm just so fucking used to the gut wrenching that I don't even care any more. At any rate, I am thankful that it's minimized to the extent that I can actually HAVE a life during the first 48 hours.
What gets to me now is the mental thing. I go from being my *normal* self (as normal as that can be) to being a stranger in my own head. I have a history of mental illness (lol thats a blog for another day for sure) but most of the time its fairly well under control. I can exist and live day to day without doing any serious harm to myself. When this time comes, all bets are off. Some months are better than others...last month, for one. My husband actually commented that he noticed no change in me...just my usual weirdness. I had to agree...it really did not affect me last month. The month before was awful. At one point I was laying in bed crying hysterically, and I smashed my head against the wall a few times...*ouch*...maybe I shouldn't sleep on the side of the bed by the wall???
I don't know if the bad months are triggered by something, or if they just happen randomly. Overall, I find around this time that I just get self-destructive. Here is an example of how the spiral goes: I look at my auctions on ebay and hate every goddamn thing I make. I look at the work of other DIYers and feel so inadequate...everything everyone makes is better than what I make. I don't feel worthy to even be taking someone else's hard earned money. Then I decide everyone is doing better financially than I am at DIY. I look at the big powersellers. CHRIST they are RAKING it in. They can do this full time apparantly for a decent living. I can't. My sales are mediocre...sometimes good, more often blah. I have to have a day job. If I suck so bad, why am I still doing this? What the fuck is even the point of doing this... One time, it was so bad, I actually took the first steps to quitting. I erased my about me page...decided I was done. Decided I was ending those auctions and never looking at ebay again. Was gonna leave a goodbye note on a new about me page and disappear.
I don't remember what talked me down from that cliff...I think I may have managed to redirect my insanity...??? But I ended up putting back my about me page the next day...it had been much larger and more personal before (lol its out of control now), when I put it back I cut it down to a bare minimum...as much of a *death* as I could give it and still have it. Thankfully, I didn't end my auctions either, and four days later I was like, what was I thinking anyway???
Fucking nuts, huh? What started me on this blog was that I was just looking at another powerseller's items...and on sane days, I like to think that I'm doing *almost* as well as she is with her beautiful tattered dresses (who could I possibly be talking about....?) I'd like to think that I'm at least experiencing something close to the level of success she is having........then ~ is it reality that hits or is it insanity? I'm looking at her beautiful work thinking I'm doing NOWHERE as well as she is. NO FUCKING WHERE. She and I aren't even in the same league. She is wonderfully creative and talented artist and seamstress, I am a piece of shit NOTHING. Yep there I was not 15 minutes ago, heading down the freaking spiral....
I'm not coming out of it. I'm trying really hard. I thought getting this out of my head and into print would help. I think the best thing for me to do is stay away from ebay today. And stay away from pretty, thin girls...and stay away from everything else that represents something I desire to be, but have *in my estimation* fallen far short of achieving. That list is so long perhaps its better that I just leave work right now and go home and hide. But the husband is there and he won't let me hide...and actually, I have fallen so short of being a good wife and person, that if I go there my inadequacies will make themselves readily apparant, they will take cohesive form, they will see me, grin evilly, and come for me. Slowly at first, like they're taunting me, but they will gain speed. Soon they will be fucking CHASING me and I won't be able to hide and then I'll fall the rest of the way down the fucking spiral and lose my fucking mind.
What's funny is that in 3 days, I'll be perfectly normal again.
Hysterectomy, anyone?
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