Ahhh thats much better. Yesterday was a simply stellar day. All the stars lined up for me yesterday...so today I'm watching out for busses, cuz I'm pretty sure I'm due to get hit!
My husband got a call from his radio station...offered him a full time job (FINALLY!!)!!! Whoooooooo hoooooo thats the first domino to fall in what will hopefully be a chain reaction back to normal life for us :) He starts Monday - which is funny cuz he worked all last weekend, all this week, is working again all weekend...then *starts* Monday...sounds less like a start and more like a continuation only now with $$ and benefits. He's doing evenings 7-12, which is gonna suck because I work 8-5...but...it does free me up pretty much to power sew monday thru friday evenings!! and he might even get a weekend day off *gasp*....which means I might get a weekend day off too *double gasp*...
Of course those weekends are already spent, in advance, just like my damn paycheck. First job, find a new place to live. I need more than 300 square feet. I'd also like a real kitchen and maybe a second ROOM!!! Haha I might even want 3 rooms!! Dare to dream. Then once we have a place to put our shit, we have to go back to the PA house and pack up our shit...and move it to the new place. Then unpack it. Then get the PA house ready to sell, then list it, then sell it.......oy. A lot of busy *free* weekend days. I'd almost rather sew!
But hey, the first domino fell. And I feel good. And I'm going out tonight to celebrate. And I'm gonna eat something fried. And maybe something chocolate. And I'm definitely having a few margaritas...oooh I'm gonna suck out loud tomorrow but all I have to do is laundry and sewing...got two more things to get sewn up before listings on Monday.
Oh and auction end last night...phenomenal. My best night ever. A BIG thank you to those of you who continue to help support me through this monster 8 month financial crisis :) I won't expect another auction to end like last night again real soon...haha...if ever! But that money is currently saving our asses until he gets some paychecks rolling in and we can start getting things back on track again :)
I really am glad I didnt get on the scale yesterday LOL but then again, who knows...the day was so perfect, I might have gotten on and weighed like 110 pounds!! hahahahah.....RIIIIIGHT. That's the next task...get this shit OFF ME. But tonight...party :)
ice cream...i want ice cream...
Friday, July 29, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The Weirdest Pet Peeve ever
As if it couldnt get hotter and more humid in DC...it got hotter and more humid!! OMG summer is getting harder and harder to take every year (just wait til youre my age and having to deal with this heat...hahahahah). I can't wait til I go to Phoenix in two weeks...will finally be able to get away from this heat...
...see thats a joke, see - its really fucking A hot in Phoenix. I was in Arizona once in July, at Lake Havasu, where the London Bridge is (yes, the one that was *falling down* - apparantly the residents of Lake Havasu decided that they should purchase this bridge, tear it apart *hell it was already falling down hahah*, ship it across the globe, and reassemble it in their fine town). It was over 120 degrees at that damn bridge. I remember we had the A/C on in the car for this road trip on our way to Las Vegas - well, it turns out you shouldn't do that in this kind of heat - and we overheated the car and spent the afternoon at some rest stop in the middle of nowhere Arizona with about 100 other tourists who had done the same damn thing. Hahah what did we know anyway? We were from Colorado - its not hot there!! I can tell you not to ride your brakes down a mountain highway....but had no idea that you shouldn't run your A/C when its fucking A hot out.
Anyhoo, not looking forward to that trip. Last I heard, last week anyway, 18 people had died in AZ from the heat. And of course this is a business trip (although its for IT training, not *business* really) and they have decided (*they* being the bosses 8 levels up from mine) that we are not to wear shorts to this training. Oh but they did send us out an email to remind us to be *prepared* for the heat. ???? Since when does *proper dress protocol* supersede your personal safety??? So I have to wear a fucking pantsuit in 120 degree heat so I look professional?????? How professional will we all look laying dead on the ground, fully dressed in fucking suits, nylons and high fucking heels, in 120 degree deadly heat?
Enough of that rant. I have a feeling that those days we are supposed to *dress professionally* will be days I test the limits of professional dress. I may leave off the chains. ha. Ahhh so many ways to get myself fired, how will I ever choose just one? *May be reopening that customs shop a LOT sooner than I planned...oy*
Oh yeah heres a good one. Didn't go to Ozzfest this year. Yep you read that right. DIDN'T go. No one was looking forward to that more than me. Well, maybe a few people were, but not many!! My husband's radio station...could NOT get tickets??? wha????? huh????? Ok so you're a -RADIO STATION- and you can't get comp tickets? *here is where i make the bugs bunny tweaked face * what sort of radio station IS this? So we debated...drive 2 hours to the venue, pay to park, hope for some scalpers selling lawn tickets, pay for 2 of those tickets, and hope we could jump the gate to get up front for Mudvayne and Iron Maiden. $50 spent on parking and tickets, extra $$ for beer and food, a shirt maybe (that Im keeping and NOT cutting up and selling DIY lol)...and no guarantee of even getting close to the action. *sigh* not worth it. so we stayed home and .... cleaned the apartment! wheeeeeee! I listened to Mudvayne while I cleaned tho :(
I saw the line up schedule for Ozzfest...Mudvanye only had 40 minutes, Iron Maiden an hour...that's my biggest problem with these festivals...not enough time. I remember one year Manson was on, he only had 30 minutes...like 6 songs and gone. I was just getting into it when it ended. I figure Mudvayne will tour their album after Ozzfest ends this fall anyway....I'd rather just see them play for an hour and a half...can get right up front that way :) have fun! And Maiden, well I've already seen them 2234689 times. Don't get me wrong, Id love to see them 3893456 more times. But if I don't I'll live. Hell, 6 years ago we all thought they were gone anyway...never thought I'd see them again and Ive seen them 3 times since Bruce and Adrian came back. They'll be back *crosses fingers* Just saw them....a year and a half ago??? Maybe more...with Motorhead and Dio *makes devil horns* and got a drumstick from Nico to boot *YAY* so I guess I'm spoiled anyway.
I still wanted to go.....
grrrrrr
Pet Peeve: Crinkly plastic or aluminum (doesnt matter) little bags that contain crispy little snacks. The fucking crinkling noise drives me fucking insane. Do me favor. If youre ever gonna eat fucking crispy little snacks in my presence or within my earshot even, pour them out of the bag and eat them. I can't TOLERATE that little crinkly noise that's generated when you dig your little hand in there every eight fucking seconds to drag out the crispy little snack.
so there. thats probably the weirdest pet peeve ever and i dont care :)
...see thats a joke, see - its really fucking A hot in Phoenix. I was in Arizona once in July, at Lake Havasu, where the London Bridge is (yes, the one that was *falling down* - apparantly the residents of Lake Havasu decided that they should purchase this bridge, tear it apart *hell it was already falling down hahah*, ship it across the globe, and reassemble it in their fine town). It was over 120 degrees at that damn bridge. I remember we had the A/C on in the car for this road trip on our way to Las Vegas - well, it turns out you shouldn't do that in this kind of heat - and we overheated the car and spent the afternoon at some rest stop in the middle of nowhere Arizona with about 100 other tourists who had done the same damn thing. Hahah what did we know anyway? We were from Colorado - its not hot there!! I can tell you not to ride your brakes down a mountain highway....but had no idea that you shouldn't run your A/C when its fucking A hot out.
Anyhoo, not looking forward to that trip. Last I heard, last week anyway, 18 people had died in AZ from the heat. And of course this is a business trip (although its for IT training, not *business* really) and they have decided (*they* being the bosses 8 levels up from mine) that we are not to wear shorts to this training. Oh but they did send us out an email to remind us to be *prepared* for the heat. ???? Since when does *proper dress protocol* supersede your personal safety??? So I have to wear a fucking pantsuit in 120 degree heat so I look professional?????? How professional will we all look laying dead on the ground, fully dressed in fucking suits, nylons and high fucking heels, in 120 degree deadly heat?
Enough of that rant. I have a feeling that those days we are supposed to *dress professionally* will be days I test the limits of professional dress. I may leave off the chains. ha. Ahhh so many ways to get myself fired, how will I ever choose just one? *May be reopening that customs shop a LOT sooner than I planned...oy*
Oh yeah heres a good one. Didn't go to Ozzfest this year. Yep you read that right. DIDN'T go. No one was looking forward to that more than me. Well, maybe a few people were, but not many!! My husband's radio station...could NOT get tickets??? wha????? huh????? Ok so you're a -RADIO STATION- and you can't get comp tickets? *here is where i make the bugs bunny tweaked face * what sort of radio station IS this? So we debated...drive 2 hours to the venue, pay to park, hope for some scalpers selling lawn tickets, pay for 2 of those tickets, and hope we could jump the gate to get up front for Mudvayne and Iron Maiden. $50 spent on parking and tickets, extra $$ for beer and food, a shirt maybe (that Im keeping and NOT cutting up and selling DIY lol)...and no guarantee of even getting close to the action. *sigh* not worth it. so we stayed home and .... cleaned the apartment! wheeeeeee! I listened to Mudvayne while I cleaned tho :(
I saw the line up schedule for Ozzfest...Mudvanye only had 40 minutes, Iron Maiden an hour...that's my biggest problem with these festivals...not enough time. I remember one year Manson was on, he only had 30 minutes...like 6 songs and gone. I was just getting into it when it ended. I figure Mudvayne will tour their album after Ozzfest ends this fall anyway....I'd rather just see them play for an hour and a half...can get right up front that way :) have fun! And Maiden, well I've already seen them 2234689 times. Don't get me wrong, Id love to see them 3893456 more times. But if I don't I'll live. Hell, 6 years ago we all thought they were gone anyway...never thought I'd see them again and Ive seen them 3 times since Bruce and Adrian came back. They'll be back *crosses fingers* Just saw them....a year and a half ago??? Maybe more...with Motorhead and Dio *makes devil horns* and got a drumstick from Nico to boot *YAY* so I guess I'm spoiled anyway.
I still wanted to go.....
grrrrrr
Pet Peeve: Crinkly plastic or aluminum (doesnt matter) little bags that contain crispy little snacks. The fucking crinkling noise drives me fucking insane. Do me favor. If youre ever gonna eat fucking crispy little snacks in my presence or within my earshot even, pour them out of the bag and eat them. I can't TOLERATE that little crinkly noise that's generated when you dig your little hand in there every eight fucking seconds to drag out the crispy little snack.
so there. thats probably the weirdest pet peeve ever and i dont care :)
Monday, July 25, 2005
The Scream
Hmmm this was from Monday, July 25th...somehow it didnt get posted. But it got saved. Wow I really am a mess...anyhoo here is the post:
I couldn't sleep this morning. Woke up at 4:30 am with a mild panic attack that just got worse and worse as I lay there wishing I could sleep. By 5 am my brain was SCREAMING at me...like Deep Purple...screaming out pictures of home...only it wasn't pictures of home it was screaming. It was pictures of ruin. In any case, I figured it was useless to lay there and continue to be screamed at so I got up and came in to work early. I was the first one here this morning. The door was locked. Had to wait for someone with a key to come open it for me.
So maybe today I will get to leave early, then I can go home and get some work done.
A few of you may have noticed I took down my public humiliation page. My diet is not going well. After about 6 weeks with little loss, I've kinda gone nuts the past week and a half...I even drank pretty much all weekend...christ. I am a bloated fat mess. For two weeks in a row I only went to the gym twice...I have to remedy that situation asap. I've just been so tired and so ... blah ... that the gym really hasn't appealed to me. In any case, I'm pretty much back up to the 137 pounds I started at when the diet thing began. Pathetic. This time last year I was about 10 pounds lighter.
I really have to do something about this but then hell there's a loooong ass list of things that I have to do something about and its pretty much that list that makes my goddamn head scream at me at 4:30 in the morning.
I couldn't sleep this morning. Woke up at 4:30 am with a mild panic attack that just got worse and worse as I lay there wishing I could sleep. By 5 am my brain was SCREAMING at me...like Deep Purple...screaming out pictures of home...only it wasn't pictures of home it was screaming. It was pictures of ruin. In any case, I figured it was useless to lay there and continue to be screamed at so I got up and came in to work early. I was the first one here this morning. The door was locked. Had to wait for someone with a key to come open it for me.
So maybe today I will get to leave early, then I can go home and get some work done.
A few of you may have noticed I took down my public humiliation page. My diet is not going well. After about 6 weeks with little loss, I've kinda gone nuts the past week and a half...I even drank pretty much all weekend...christ. I am a bloated fat mess. For two weeks in a row I only went to the gym twice...I have to remedy that situation asap. I've just been so tired and so ... blah ... that the gym really hasn't appealed to me. In any case, I'm pretty much back up to the 137 pounds I started at when the diet thing began. Pathetic. This time last year I was about 10 pounds lighter.
I really have to do something about this but then hell there's a loooong ass list of things that I have to do something about and its pretty much that list that makes my goddamn head scream at me at 4:30 in the morning.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
No...seriously...
I'm tired. I'm tired beyond comprehension. I've not been this tired since graduate school, and that was Carnegie fucking Mellon...if my day to day life is as exhausting as THAT school was, I think its time to rethink.
But what is there to rethink. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have not had a vacation...I have not had ONE DAY OFF FROM WORKING in over 6 months. Not one. A few evenings (usually Friday) but thats IT.
Here is my weekly schedule:
wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, shop for fabric, go out to eat, get drunk, go to bed.
Here is my weekend schedule:
wake up, work, go to bed, wake up, work, go to bed.
Anyone who thinks this is an exaggeration can fuck right off and die. How I wish it was a fucking exaggeration. Im so fucking tired I cant see straight. Im actually amazed I can still sew straight. Take a nice close look at the pictures of me on ebay. See the pasty complexion? Thats NOT goth makeup. See the bags under the eyes? Shrinkle doesn't sell makeup that can do that. Its all natural. Its called exhaustion.
It must be nice to be one of those ebay sellers who can rely on their auction earnings for their full income. Ill never be that seller, I've been a full grown adult with waaaay too much credit and waaaay too much income for too many years to be able to survive without a job. I own a house, cars, motorcycles...I've inflated my life and expenses to the point where a full time day job is always going to be a necessity (unless I somehow luck into marrying Johnny Depp...hahah).
But it must also be nice to make enough money from auctions to be able to NOT have to sew every day, to NOT have to have listings running ALL THE TIME, to NOT have to work your ass off all week (after working a day job) at top speed to try to get new listings out, all the while trying to be creative and do new things AND still maintain top quality in your product. I suppose these ebayers get to spend time with their familes, get to spend time with their significant others....get to leave the FUCKING HOUSE??? and go outside in the summer.
But I am not one of those ebayers either...I'm just a girl with a family trying to survive what has to be far and away the WORST financial crisis we have ever faced. Thank god I had the ebay business up and running before our shit hit the fucking fan...or we'd be long sunk by now.
The truth is , the cruise ship already sank. Now I'm slowly killing myself trying to bail the water out of our leaky lifeboat...with a leaky bucket...and both holes are just getting bigger. And there's a big shark circling.
Well at any rate, I will still be listing my leaky buckets...er uh...garments...regardless. Desperate times call for desperate measures. There really isn't any rethinking to be done.
But what is there to rethink. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have not had a vacation...I have not had ONE DAY OFF FROM WORKING in over 6 months. Not one. A few evenings (usually Friday) but thats IT.
Here is my weekly schedule:
wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, shop for fabric, go out to eat, get drunk, go to bed.
Here is my weekend schedule:
wake up, work, go to bed, wake up, work, go to bed.
Anyone who thinks this is an exaggeration can fuck right off and die. How I wish it was a fucking exaggeration. Im so fucking tired I cant see straight. Im actually amazed I can still sew straight. Take a nice close look at the pictures of me on ebay. See the pasty complexion? Thats NOT goth makeup. See the bags under the eyes? Shrinkle doesn't sell makeup that can do that. Its all natural. Its called exhaustion.
It must be nice to be one of those ebay sellers who can rely on their auction earnings for their full income. Ill never be that seller, I've been a full grown adult with waaaay too much credit and waaaay too much income for too many years to be able to survive without a job. I own a house, cars, motorcycles...I've inflated my life and expenses to the point where a full time day job is always going to be a necessity (unless I somehow luck into marrying Johnny Depp...hahah).
But it must also be nice to make enough money from auctions to be able to NOT have to sew every day, to NOT have to have listings running ALL THE TIME, to NOT have to work your ass off all week (after working a day job) at top speed to try to get new listings out, all the while trying to be creative and do new things AND still maintain top quality in your product. I suppose these ebayers get to spend time with their familes, get to spend time with their significant others....get to leave the FUCKING HOUSE??? and go outside in the summer.
But I am not one of those ebayers either...I'm just a girl with a family trying to survive what has to be far and away the WORST financial crisis we have ever faced. Thank god I had the ebay business up and running before our shit hit the fucking fan...or we'd be long sunk by now.
The truth is , the cruise ship already sank. Now I'm slowly killing myself trying to bail the water out of our leaky lifeboat...with a leaky bucket...and both holes are just getting bigger. And there's a big shark circling.
Well at any rate, I will still be listing my leaky buckets...er uh...garments...regardless. Desperate times call for desperate measures. There really isn't any rethinking to be done.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Can't Think of a Title
Oh my god. I worked so hard this weekend. I worked so hard and for so long that when I got to the real life job this morning, it felt like I hadn't been here in forever. And I was here on Friday. Wild. I was up before 9 am both mornings, and didnt stop sewing til after midnight both nights. Needless to say, I was good and sober...LOL no time for drinking. No money for it either...although it seems a good alcoholic can always find money to drink. I must be letting down. In any case, I am WORN the hell OUT. I wonder how much longer I can keep working 7 days a week, nonstop, until I just drop dead???
Maybe I should find out? Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop...how long can one girl work nonstop before everything just...stops? Let's see, I'm on about month 6 now...I guess a girl can keep up for a good long time, eh? heh.
Fixin to head to Phoenix for a week with work, the second week of August. Training. In PHOENIX. In AUGUST....WTF were they thinking??? You can guarantee I'm not leaving the hotel unless its in an air conditioned car...and going to an air conditioned location. I am still trying to figure out how to get a sewing machine and serger on a plane. 7 days without working would make me so unbelievably stressed out, I don't think I'd survive. I figure I can precut 3 or 4 corsets, take my POS cheap sewing machine, and precount out the supplies I need, and boom...mobile seamstress! Hmm. We shall see. Problem is the whooooole office is going to be there...hundred of us or so. And they drink. A lot. I have to take work to do in the evenings, if I don't, I will be in the bar. For a solid week. I will come back fat, bloated, in pain, and with a WICKED setback in my desire to be alcohol free in life (or at the very least alcohol reduced). Cuz once I start drinking, once I get the taste of it every night, its hard for me to stop.
On a brighter note, one of my angrylittle clients who lives in Phoenix may come out to the hotel for a little binge party action :) hahah Ill go out drinking one night...thats ok...if she comes, we will have an interesting time for sure. Two freaks in arizona...sweating their asses off hahah...gotta love it ;) Oddly enough, she and I have a lot of the same clothes...if I really like something I duplicate it for myself, and she seems to have similar tastes to mine, cuz I got a few duplicates heheh....gotta make sure I take different clothes! How funny to be wearing the same damn *unique* DIY thing...hah!
Well, the bosses have just informed me that its lunch time. When the bosses say lunch, you say how high. Or something like that....???? Mmmmm food. I miss food.
Maybe I should find out? Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop...how long can one girl work nonstop before everything just...stops? Let's see, I'm on about month 6 now...I guess a girl can keep up for a good long time, eh? heh.
Fixin to head to Phoenix for a week with work, the second week of August. Training. In PHOENIX. In AUGUST....WTF were they thinking??? You can guarantee I'm not leaving the hotel unless its in an air conditioned car...and going to an air conditioned location. I am still trying to figure out how to get a sewing machine and serger on a plane. 7 days without working would make me so unbelievably stressed out, I don't think I'd survive. I figure I can precut 3 or 4 corsets, take my POS cheap sewing machine, and precount out the supplies I need, and boom...mobile seamstress! Hmm. We shall see. Problem is the whooooole office is going to be there...hundred of us or so. And they drink. A lot. I have to take work to do in the evenings, if I don't, I will be in the bar. For a solid week. I will come back fat, bloated, in pain, and with a WICKED setback in my desire to be alcohol free in life (or at the very least alcohol reduced). Cuz once I start drinking, once I get the taste of it every night, its hard for me to stop.
On a brighter note, one of my angrylittle clients who lives in Phoenix may come out to the hotel for a little binge party action :) hahah Ill go out drinking one night...thats ok...if she comes, we will have an interesting time for sure. Two freaks in arizona...sweating their asses off hahah...gotta love it ;) Oddly enough, she and I have a lot of the same clothes...if I really like something I duplicate it for myself, and she seems to have similar tastes to mine, cuz I got a few duplicates heheh....gotta make sure I take different clothes! How funny to be wearing the same damn *unique* DIY thing...hah!
Well, the bosses have just informed me that its lunch time. When the bosses say lunch, you say how high. Or something like that....???? Mmmmm food. I miss food.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Powerful Anal Probes????
Yeah yeah...I modeled a corset. Hooray for me. Now I suppose I have to do that all the time...*imagines what little free time left now spent sifting painfully through 100 pictures of self in corsets - UGH*
Haven't been on here in a while. It's not because my brain has finally shut the hell up and left me alone, that's for sure. I've just been so out of control busy. Some days I don't know if I'm coming or going. My head spins like a top...its like, I go to the computer to do something and 4 minutes later I'm still at the computer, doing something...but not what I set out to do...and then I remember that I never did that first thing. I am totally distracted. I'm suprised I can focus enough to complete anything. There is just SO MUCH to be done (I sound like Willy Wonka here...so much to do, must keep moving). As I'm sitting here now I realize I came to the computer to pay the bills. Have I done that yet? Nope. Got distracted. I was actually gonna set them up three days ago. Talk about distraction.
Things are just so strange. I had a panic attack before bed last night. For no apparant reason that I can discern. The auctions ended well...so that wasn't it. I had a corset nearly done that I was working on, I'd actually played Xbox for an hour or so as the auctions ended (Kill all Humans ~ big fun! Nothing like giving those deserving humans an anal probe so powerful that it spits their brains out the other end...hahahaha) Anyway, there I was, getting ready to go to bed and all of a sudden I can't breathe any more. My chest tightened up, I started to feel all whack. Like I said, I wasn't even thinking about all the megapiles of shit I have to think about in my life. I was thinking about powerful anal probes LOL...holy shit, maybe my brains were fixin' to spit out the other end...ack. Well, to make a long story longer, this panic attack freaked me out pretty good. Kept me up a bit later than I cared to be up, cuz I didn't want to go to bed when I couldnt breathe. And I haven't been sleeping for shit lately anyway...so what I needed was LESS sleep, ya know.
I feel like there's a mixmaster in my brain. Usually I have everything WELL under control. Not any more. I'm just flying through all this at about 1000 miles an hour hoping I don't smack into anything as I go. I haven't had a vacation since Christmas...time is now reeling headlong at top speed into August. Maybe I need a vacation. Hahah its not like I'm actually going to REST if I do that. I'll do just like I did at Christmas - sit and sew. Work work work. I don't think I have any other setting any more. Except powerful anal probe. Don't really have a choice tho, eh? The bills won't pay themselves.
Oh shit...the bills...
I'm betting those still won't get paid...
Haven't been on here in a while. It's not because my brain has finally shut the hell up and left me alone, that's for sure. I've just been so out of control busy. Some days I don't know if I'm coming or going. My head spins like a top...its like, I go to the computer to do something and 4 minutes later I'm still at the computer, doing something...but not what I set out to do...and then I remember that I never did that first thing. I am totally distracted. I'm suprised I can focus enough to complete anything. There is just SO MUCH to be done (I sound like Willy Wonka here...so much to do, must keep moving). As I'm sitting here now I realize I came to the computer to pay the bills. Have I done that yet? Nope. Got distracted. I was actually gonna set them up three days ago. Talk about distraction.
Things are just so strange. I had a panic attack before bed last night. For no apparant reason that I can discern. The auctions ended well...so that wasn't it. I had a corset nearly done that I was working on, I'd actually played Xbox for an hour or so as the auctions ended (Kill all Humans ~ big fun! Nothing like giving those deserving humans an anal probe so powerful that it spits their brains out the other end...hahahaha) Anyway, there I was, getting ready to go to bed and all of a sudden I can't breathe any more. My chest tightened up, I started to feel all whack. Like I said, I wasn't even thinking about all the megapiles of shit I have to think about in my life. I was thinking about powerful anal probes LOL...holy shit, maybe my brains were fixin' to spit out the other end...ack. Well, to make a long story longer, this panic attack freaked me out pretty good. Kept me up a bit later than I cared to be up, cuz I didn't want to go to bed when I couldnt breathe. And I haven't been sleeping for shit lately anyway...so what I needed was LESS sleep, ya know.
I feel like there's a mixmaster in my brain. Usually I have everything WELL under control. Not any more. I'm just flying through all this at about 1000 miles an hour hoping I don't smack into anything as I go. I haven't had a vacation since Christmas...time is now reeling headlong at top speed into August. Maybe I need a vacation. Hahah its not like I'm actually going to REST if I do that. I'll do just like I did at Christmas - sit and sew. Work work work. I don't think I have any other setting any more. Except powerful anal probe. Don't really have a choice tho, eh? The bills won't pay themselves.
Oh shit...the bills...
I'm betting those still won't get paid...
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Ms. Potatohead
I dunno. I guess I give up on my dream of modeling my corsets?? Well, maybe not just yet, but soon. It seems I can't lose another pound of weight no matter how hard I try, unless I just give up eating. And starving yourself to death just hurts too damn much. And I couldn't maintain it anyway. *sigh* I guess I'm chubby for life. great. grand. fanfreakingtastic.
I don't know what else is to be done. 4-5 workouts a week, eat right...deny myself everything. No change. Well, a little change. But not enough change.
And as I surf ebay more and more sellers are dropping the mannequins and finding real people to model their clothes on. I can't do it. I am literally all alone here in DC, the only other people I know are my husband and my cat (she thinks shes people, so she counts). No one wants to see my husband in a corset. My cat won't play along. So its me or nobody. And me refuses to cooperate.
*curses body she was born with*
So yeah, I'm just about to give up on the idea that I could model my corsets. Maybe if I sewed up a little *corset extender* LOL...a strip of material with grommets on each side, make each one like a double lace-up, a few more inches of room...nah...the room isnt the problem. its my shape. my fucking short torso...most of my corsets are 13 to 14 inches long...waaay too long for me to wear. and its my lovely potato shape. we have the waify and curveless boy-like shape, we have the perfect hourglass shape, and then we have the potato. Congratulations cindy, you are a potato. No amount of lifting or running or dieting will change your potato to a waif. You may make a smaller potato, but its still just a potato.
Why do I have this overwhelming urge for french fries?
When there's a four inch difference in your bust, waist and hip measurements, youre a potato. You're freakin Ms. Idaho.
So I guess I stick with the mannequin. And watch my sales suffer. It would only be worse with me in them ~ look at this gorgeous corset...so perfectly well made, a work of art...and you too could look like a potato in it, just like me!! *sigh*
I don't know what else is to be done. 4-5 workouts a week, eat right...deny myself everything. No change. Well, a little change. But not enough change.
And as I surf ebay more and more sellers are dropping the mannequins and finding real people to model their clothes on. I can't do it. I am literally all alone here in DC, the only other people I know are my husband and my cat (she thinks shes people, so she counts). No one wants to see my husband in a corset. My cat won't play along. So its me or nobody. And me refuses to cooperate.
*curses body she was born with*
So yeah, I'm just about to give up on the idea that I could model my corsets. Maybe if I sewed up a little *corset extender* LOL...a strip of material with grommets on each side, make each one like a double lace-up, a few more inches of room...nah...the room isnt the problem. its my shape. my fucking short torso...most of my corsets are 13 to 14 inches long...waaay too long for me to wear. and its my lovely potato shape. we have the waify and curveless boy-like shape, we have the perfect hourglass shape, and then we have the potato. Congratulations cindy, you are a potato. No amount of lifting or running or dieting will change your potato to a waif. You may make a smaller potato, but its still just a potato.
Why do I have this overwhelming urge for french fries?
When there's a four inch difference in your bust, waist and hip measurements, youre a potato. You're freakin Ms. Idaho.
So I guess I stick with the mannequin. And watch my sales suffer. It would only be worse with me in them ~ look at this gorgeous corset...so perfectly well made, a work of art...and you too could look like a potato in it, just like me!! *sigh*
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