When the Cops Come All I Hear Is *whoo whoo whoo*

Please don't think I listen to that kind of music...it's just one of the songs that my husband's Xbox plays a LOT...hahah

Yeah I've been a bit of a rabble rouser lately. Dunno what the fuck my problem is. Almost got arrested at the Atlanta airport...the security guard lady apparantly told some another guard that I was a *psycho*...of course not in front of me (because I'm a psycho) but I was there with about 6 other coworkers and they heard her say it. It all started because I had D-rings on my shirt, and suspicious looking luggage (its called a SERGER...ugh I get tired of explaining it at airports). Well the serger set them off...then I dinged when I walked through the metal detector (I know better than to wear that damn shirt, I was having an off moment). Then the next thing you know I'm hustled into a clear plastic hallway with some clear plastic door and I'm not allowed to touch my luggage (they had special people bring it over CAREFULLY so that it could be searched). Well to make a long story short, I've never been treated like a TERRORIST at an airport before, so when they started shouting their instructions at me, in garbled fucking ebonics no less, I had NO idea what the hell they were asking me to do. I couldnt understand a fucking word so I was trying to figure it out ~ I happen to speak very clear and concise ENGLISH...wish all americans did ~ so I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going on...they are literally restraining me from grabbing my luggage ~ they asked something like is anyone traveling with you who can watch your luggage...or something??? I don't really know...I pointed at a coworker and said she's with me but she can't carry all that ~ a serger and a sewing machine AND a carry on bag ~ too much stuff ~ so I went to grab one to help out and that's when all hell broke loose. Like I said, I've always been treated like a whitebread american citizen in the airports before, especially because I carry a badge...lol...so I didnt know I couldnt touch my luggage once I was a terrorist suspect....

Anyway they whisk me off to an area...three people carrying my luggage in tow...and I swear...the security guard did NOT speak english...she points at a mat on the ground with foot marks on it...mumbles something about standing on the mat, so I do, presuming my feet should go where the feets marks are on the mat...well, one foot was half off the foot mark and the guard yells...GET YOUR FOOT ON THE MATCHING SPOT ON THE MAT...I was like OOOOOKAY christ. Then there were mumblings about put your arms up...So I did. Apparantly you're supposed to turn your palms up when you do this, which was not expressed to me, so the bitch HITS ME in the arm with her little metal detector palm and yelled....PALMS UP. Yeah, hits me. Because I'm a psycho. I don't know at what level of this retardation I became the psycho...maybe they pegged me as such before I ever went through the machine because they were busy judging books by their covers...but whatever... I got the full pat down, everything. I'm suprised I didn't get a cavity search.... and I got to spend another 10 minutes explaining the functionality of a serger...

See because I am a terrorist. With a serger. Fly this plane to Cuba or I'll....sew you all fucking jackets!!! Nooooooo....

I find it ironic because that day was the first day you were allowed to start carrying sharp objects in your carry on bags again. The FAA has decided that sharp objects do not represent the biggest threat to air travel. At this point I take the wayback machine to the past....and seem to recall that the 9/11 planes were hijacked with....boxcutters??? Are those not small sharp objects? Now, shoes and laptops...those are the BIGGEST dangers to air travel. One asshole one time tries *and fails* to light some bomb or firecracker or something lodged in his shoe...and shoes are suddenly the biggest threat to air travel. I'm suprised they don't make us fly nude. You cant wear your shoes or jacket through the metal detector any more...

Well, anyway, I made it home. And didn't come up on any federal charges for obstruction of justice or terrorism...or failure to understand ebonics, or anything like that.

And then on Saturday, I went to Best Buy. I was looking for a processor fan for my computer....it was running too hot and kept shutting down and I looked and lo and behold...the fan is not turning...duh... So yeah, I went to Best Buy, and they didnt have it (its socket A, its practically legacy equipment) but they referred me to a geek store that might have it. I had to make a right out of this huge strip mall parking lot. and as I'm driving down the parking lot, parallel to the road I need to get on, I see NO opportunity to turn right. No exits. None. So I get all the way to end of the strip mall (there are like 10 major stores all in a row at this thing...so its like half a mile long with NO right turns out of it) and I see a light to the left that I can turn right on. Go to make the left out of the parking lot to go to the light and...NO LEFT TURN? What the fuck? Like they KNOW you need to turn right at that light and are gonna do everything possible to ensure you never ever ever leave their lot. So I looked around real good, didn't see any of our fine law enforcement officials, and went left anyway.

When the cops come, all I hear is *whoo whoo whoo*

Fucker was in an unmarked, regular person car... *sigh* Officer came to the window - an african american lady who... guess what... spoke in clear and concise english THANK YOU VERY MUCH...and she comes to the window and starts her spiel and all I say is, * I know, I know*. No argument from me, you caught me.

Oh and did you know you can get a ticket for not immediately presenting your license and registration information? I mean IMMEDIATELY. Like they come to the window and you shove it in their face right then because if you waste 10 seconds of their time looking for it (like I did...) you get a ticket. I was lucky and got a warning on the 10 seconds of her life I wasted. But I didn't get so lucky on the left turn. $80!! Jeebus H!! I got caught speeding last year (90 in a 55...heh) and only paid $170! $80 for a left turn! I asked the nice, clear speaking officer why exactly it was that I couldnt turn right anywhere onto the street I needed. Her answer: People were turning right out of the parking lot and not going fast enough and getting T-boned by oncoming traffic. She said they had a wreck out of that parking lot every day til they closed it off.

People, if you can't turn right out of a freaking parking lot onto a busy road without getting hit.... you deserve a T-boning. Its called natural selection. If you are that inept, do us all a favor and put your car in the garage and walk. Seriously.

So how do you get out of the Best Buy parking lot? You have to go behind the buildings to a residential area that's nice and safe with no chance of being T-boned and apparantly at some point it spits you out onto the street you wanted.... but I bet you still have to make a right turn there somewhere....

I'm a psycho....heh

bitches.