Staff meetings...finally over...brain...fried...must........sleep.
Its almost Friday. Normally good news, but I am fixin' to have a crappy weekend (yeah fixin' - I spent time in Texas - they're all fixin' to do things there). It's once again that time of year to mourn the passing of my youth. And I'm not terribly pleased about it this year for some reason. I guess I just see the end coming...you don't even notice the end coming when you're 16...hell you haven't even seen the beginning of it yet i suppose. You don't see it coming at 26 either. And here I am now at 36 and I tell you what...I SEE it coming. I FEEL it coming. Its breathing down my motherfucking neck and reminding me at every turn that it will never get better than this...youre the youngest youre ever gonna be, youre in the best shape youre ever gonna be in, the lines in your face are only gonna get worse, those one or two grey hairs...will be one or two HUNDRED before you know it....YOURE ALMOST AT THE AGE WHERE YOU NEED A GODDAMN MAMOGRAM!!! Jesus H tapdancing CHRIST when did I get so old??? I swear to you I don't know how the time went by...I was just 16 yesterday. Seriously.
All I know: Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
And as I look back and reflect on the fact that I can't remember how I got so old ~ that the time literally blew by me SO fast that it WAS unreal ~ the next logical conclusion is that, while old age is still years and years away...
My future time will go past me equally as fast. if not faster.
I'm already gone, aren't I?
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Call this therapy - a *graphical exorcism* - maybe these things that go *bump* in my head will find a crack and escape now that they're written down.
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- angrylittledeadgirl
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4 comments:
AWW come on now!! You're only as old as you feel & by talking to you you don't seem to feel your age. Expept when you think about your bday. Don't let it get you down. Bdays are just another day in my book now! And by looking atcha I would NEVER guess that you'll be 36. I'm only 3 years behind ya & certainly don't feel it & probably don't act it either! LOL But I agree every year now seems to fly by inthe blink of an eye. Weird! Cheer up girl You still look good!!
nah i dont feel 36 at all, not even on bad days. and i will never act my age, its not in my genetics. but its just going so fast, and when you stop to think about it, its going even faster than you thought. day of birth until today was a blink of an eye...today to day of death is one more blink.
*holds eyes open with fingers*
maybe its not that its flying by but that we dont remember most of it? hmmm maybe thats just me.
*resists urge to blink*
i sometimes think its cruel of people to bring more people into the world that didnt ask to be brought here, that didnt ASK to have to be faced with their own mortality. its insane...show me all the world has to offer then remind me at every turn it could be gone in the....
*eyes watering...burning*
...blink of an eye
*blinks*
I may look younger than my years (a combination, I think, of never having had children *thank god*, staying out of the sun my whole life, and genetics) BUT that fact doesnt set back the clock any...im still that much closer to the end. and it will all catch up to me...someday...and soon, i fear. there's always that cliche, *hey tomorrow you could get hit by a bus...* which is a distinct possibility here in DC...
blah. i never asked for this. sounds like manson...I was born into this...everything turns to shit...
Ahhh the Minute of Decay, how appropriate...
a lack of pain, a lack of hope,
a lack of anything to say
there is no cure for what is killing me
I'm on my way down
I've looked ahead and saw a
world that's dead
I guess that I am too
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