The Scream

Hmmm this was from Monday, July 25th...somehow it didnt get posted. But it got saved. Wow I really am a mess...anyhoo here is the post:

I couldn't sleep this morning. Woke up at 4:30 am with a mild panic attack that just got worse and worse as I lay there wishing I could sleep. By 5 am my brain was SCREAMING at me...like Deep Purple...screaming out pictures of home...only it wasn't pictures of home it was screaming. It was pictures of ruin. In any case, I figured it was useless to lay there and continue to be screamed at so I got up and came in to work early. I was the first one here this morning. The door was locked. Had to wait for someone with a key to come open it for me.

So maybe today I will get to leave early, then I can go home and get some work done.

A few of you may have noticed I took down my public humiliation page. My diet is not going well. After about 6 weeks with little loss, I've kinda gone nuts the past week and a half...I even drank pretty much all weekend...christ. I am a bloated fat mess. For two weeks in a row I only went to the gym twice...I have to remedy that situation asap. I've just been so tired and so ... blah ... that the gym really hasn't appealed to me. In any case, I'm pretty much back up to the 137 pounds I started at when the diet thing began. Pathetic. This time last year I was about 10 pounds lighter.

I really have to do something about this but then hell there's a loooong ass list of things that I have to do something about and its pretty much that list that makes my goddamn head scream at me at 4:30 in the morning.