Yeah yeah...I modeled a corset. Hooray for me. Now I suppose I have to do that all the time...*imagines what little free time left now spent sifting painfully through 100 pictures of self in corsets - UGH*
Haven't been on here in a while. It's not because my brain has finally shut the hell up and left me alone, that's for sure. I've just been so out of control busy. Some days I don't know if I'm coming or going. My head spins like a top...its like, I go to the computer to do something and 4 minutes later I'm still at the computer, doing something...but not what I set out to do...and then I remember that I never did that first thing. I am totally distracted. I'm suprised I can focus enough to complete anything. There is just SO MUCH to be done (I sound like Willy Wonka here...so much to do, must keep moving). As I'm sitting here now I realize I came to the computer to pay the bills. Have I done that yet? Nope. Got distracted. I was actually gonna set them up three days ago. Talk about distraction.
Things are just so strange. I had a panic attack before bed last night. For no apparant reason that I can discern. The auctions ended well...so that wasn't it. I had a corset nearly done that I was working on, I'd actually played Xbox for an hour or so as the auctions ended (Kill all Humans ~ big fun! Nothing like giving those deserving humans an anal probe so powerful that it spits their brains out the other end...hahahaha) Anyway, there I was, getting ready to go to bed and all of a sudden I can't breathe any more. My chest tightened up, I started to feel all whack. Like I said, I wasn't even thinking about all the megapiles of shit I have to think about in my life. I was thinking about powerful anal probes LOL...holy shit, maybe my brains were fixin' to spit out the other end...ack. Well, to make a long story longer, this panic attack freaked me out pretty good. Kept me up a bit later than I cared to be up, cuz I didn't want to go to bed when I couldnt breathe. And I haven't been sleeping for shit lately anyway...so what I needed was LESS sleep, ya know.
I feel like there's a mixmaster in my brain. Usually I have everything WELL under control. Not any more. I'm just flying through all this at about 1000 miles an hour hoping I don't smack into anything as I go. I haven't had a vacation since Christmas...time is now reeling headlong at top speed into August. Maybe I need a vacation. Hahah its not like I'm actually going to REST if I do that. I'll do just like I did at Christmas - sit and sew. Work work work. I don't think I have any other setting any more. Except powerful anal probe. Don't really have a choice tho, eh? The bills won't pay themselves.
Oh shit...the bills...
I'm betting those still won't get paid...
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3 comments:
Oh wow...you did leave a comment...and it says 0 comments. technology is here to make our lives easier, you do know that, right? hahah....oy.
I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to keep up with your blog for a week or so here. My life has also been upside down and non-stop! I’ll tell you what’s going on here another time. . .
Ugh. Panic attacks. When I got out of the hospital, I had BAAAAADDDDD panic and anxiety attacks. I would end up on the floor a couple of times a day in the fetal position crying so hard I thought every ounce of liquid in my body was going to leak out.
They put me on a couple of drugs to help, but thankfully I was able to stop those within a few weeks and beat back those fucking demons with some meditation and deep breathing.
I feel for ya. Reading your other posts, I’m worried about your sleep. This from a guy who suffered insomnia for many years. “Cat naps” and meditation do really help. I know you think you don’t have time to take time for that, but I’m talking 15 minutes a couple times a day. I used to do this at work. This is going to sound fucked up, but here’s what saved my life a few years back. Go into the bathroom at work, go into a stall, have a seat, lean over to your side against the wall, and relax. Take 15 minutes. I would set the alarm on my watch for 15 minutes just in case I did fall asleep. But mostly I would just close my eyes and relax and concentrate on slow deep breathing. It really does help, I promise.
I get panicky just thinking about meditating in the toilet stalls at my work....hahahahah....ewwww :)
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