I Hope Punxatawny Phil Gets Eaten by a Bear

It's been a while since I've written here...and its starting to show. My brain is getting noisy again and won't shut the fuck up. I think I need to make it a point to write something down here every day...or every other day. Even if its just mundane *I got up before dawn, went to work, went the fuck home, and sewed* stuff. Cuz I'm feeling really cluttered upstairs...

Is it just me, or has it been FUCKING A COLD for far too long? For like MONTHS now its been frigid goddamn cold here. One day I went out and DIDN'T see my breath when I exhaled and I was like, wtf...am I dying? I'm so used to seeing it. It makes me want to die every time I open my front door and head for the train platform. I am absolutely chilled to the bone. And then there's that goddamn rat, Punxatawny Poophead, or whatever, who sees his shadow, and based on that, decides we have 6 more weeks of this to endure. I hate that rat. And he's about the best thing Pennsylvania has to contribute to the world, except, I guess...the Steelers...

My freaking diet is NOT working out well. See, I go in cycles...fat then thin then fat then thin...its like my body decides what its gonna be and thats that, no matter what I try to do otherwise. Back in grad school, I lost 80 pounds in one year, for no reason. I started school at 205 pounds (ouch...) and graduated at 125... I did nothing different. I sat in front of a professor or in front of a computer for a year and a half. Didn't watch what I ate, in fact I was infamous for my peanut M&M addiction (YUMMM), and didn't go to the gym. Now...I watch what I eat, I'm spending 8 plus hours in the gym a week...and I'm gaining. Cuz my body has decided now that I'm going to be fat. No matter what I try to do to counteract it. Motherfuck me. Seriously. I would have to stop eating, stop drinking, and essentially stop working, cuz I'd have to spend 100000 hours in the gym a day...to lose a fucking pound.

But I'm not giving in to it. Fuck it. I've given in before when its been obvious my body is not looking out for my best interests, and thats how I got to 205 pounds the last time. No, this time will be different. It won't win. I defy it to fuck with me. I'll start doing 2-a-days in the gym before I gain another goddamn pound. I WILL stop eating. I dont mind throwing up, so bulemia is never out of the question. I don't care. I'm too old to be going back around the fat cycle...I refuse to give up.

So I guess I keep up the tasty Lean Cuisine dinners. YUM!

In other news, I finally got my *promotion* at the day job. Yeah, I've written about this before...human resources fucked me soundly when I started here, offered me a job at one level which I accepted, then two weeks later, after I told other job prospects that I had accepted another position, they call me back and say...oh, because of the graduate scholarship program you were on, we can only bring you in at this MUCH lower level. Well, what do you do then? You have no job, and well, maybe they're right...your scholarship program says you can't be hired on at that level, and you just got a free Master's degree, so you say, ok, no problem, I'll still be there Monday to start...

...then a year later they bring on two more people from your same scholarship program...at the original level they said you couldn't have...?...and essentially you have two brand new hires making $10,000 a year more than you are and who have seniority over you. BUT, since you're experienced, YOU get to lead the team projects with these people, supervise their activites, and are expected to perform at a higher level than them...for $10,000 less and oh, btw everyone knows youre the lowest ranking person in the office. Not to mention the SEVERAL achievement awards you got your first year working there for developing new methods of computer forensic discovery...

WELL, that rant aside...I got my *promotion* this week. I am now officially making what I should have made two years ago when I started this shitpile job. So I'm two years in the hole as far as promotions and raises. It sucks, but its better than being four years in the hole, which is what I was before this week.

And that is why I get up before dawn every morning and brave the fuck ass frigid temperatures to stand on the train platform awaiting my 40 minute commute into the human fucking cesspool we call our Nation's capital. So I can be appreciated for what I do.

Ahhhhhhhh.....

See, blogging is good. I feel so much better now. :)