A return to serenity *hahahahhah riiiiiiight*

Ahhh...starting to feel much better. Woke up this morning with none of the self-destructive angst I've been feeling for the last 3 or 4 days. Think I'm going to survive yet another month...crawl out of this hole I've been lying in...and get back to business. I think...lol :)

That's soooo mentally draining. It just takes everything out of me. I don't want to work out, I don't want to sew...and when I try to sew, my creativity is totally jammed. I even tried to play The Sims 2 Saturday evening...I was so angst ridden all I could do was sit there on the chair all curled up in a ball and moan. When The Sims is too much to take...that's just sad. I think I went to bed Saturday night at about 10:00...sober even! In any case, starting to come out of the fog...feeling better. For another three weeks. Then the ground will open up and try to swallow me yet again.

Wow is it hot and humid out here in DC. I feel sorry for all the tourists out here checking out the monuments and museums and having to walk around in all this muck. Hahaha nah, I don't really feel sorry for them. I've had my fill of tourists. They all look the same...mom, dad...one to three kids, usually. Mom is dressed in a white tshirt and long khaki shorts with sensible walking shoes. wearing a fanny pack. and usually carrying a backpack, presumably full of pop or food or jackets for the kids or some shit. dad has shorts on with sandals, and he looks so uncomfortable in them, like its only the third time he's ever worn shorts in his life. usually a striped polo shirt of some kind. camera on a strap around the neck. both of them are staring at the train maps trying to figure out how to get to the national zoo while the kids run up and down the aisle of the train. up and down up and down and up and down...of course this is at 8am on a workday...when the people who have to live and work in this money pit are trying to get 5 minutes of peace and quiet on the train before they have to shuffle off to their gov't cubicle to work.

of course after they stare at the pocket train map, they have to walk over to the giant train map posted on the side of the car...and stick out their hands, over the heads of the poor working classes trying to get to work...and trace the route with their fingers, as if to somehow magically confirm their planned route. then they have to ask the poor commuters sitting under the map (which is why i stopped sitting there) if the smithsonian stop on the train will actually take them to the smithsonian ~ dar. and while youre at it, can you tell us what stop we need to take to see the jefferson memorial? how about the white house...? meanwhile the kids run up the aisles and down, up and down, down and up...tripping over the briefcases of commuters...laughing, using outdoor voices (anyone who rides a train to work knows...its a SILENT place. we all shut the fuck up, listen to our mp3 players, or read newspapers....we dont talk...and we DONT use outdoor voices)...

of course when mom and dad figure out its their stop....they have to panic, round up the kids...*josh...emily...this is our stop*...*JOSH...EMILY*...omg one mom once got separated from her kid (i dont know his age cuz...um...he wasnt there...they were separated LOL) at 5pm on the train on a workday. this train is PACKED...i mean we got people smashed in so tight their faces are mushed up against the windows...and shes screaming *JOSH* *JOSH where ARE YOU??* *JOSH GET OFF THE TRAIN IF YOU CAN HEAR ME* and freaking....*omg should I get off?*...*omg where is he*....i guess freaking at that point is somewhat acceptable, however I don't think Josh was 8 years old....I think he was a teenager that wanted to sit a LOOOONG way from mom on the train so he could feel a bit of independence (she had other teenagers with her) and they apparantly didnt realize, as the car got full to the seams, that they hadnt coordinated their plans as to what stop they were they getting off at. Apparantly they also didnt realize that people live and work in DC so they werent expecting 98234792384 people to be at the train depot...

well cut to mom and dad, rounding up the kids as panicky as possible, herding them off the train. You have to ride an escalator up out of the loading area. Its an unwritten rule *because there are soooo many type A people in the world* that you walk on the left side of the escalator, and stand on the right. Now I say its unwritten, and its true, so perhaps its unfair to presume everyone knows this; however when there are three sets of escalators being used by 349347 people, and the pattern is OBVIOUS...you have a stream of people walking up one side, and standees on the other. There are so many people you cant miss it. but tourists do. they always do. i guess they are so busy fumbling with their metro passes *how do these cards work? i dont understand....* or dealing with their kid shit...that they are completely oblivious to the fact that its the morning RUSH HOUR, there are 3294534985 people waiting to use the escalators to get out of this depot and get to work...so they stand in a little *tourist family robinson clump* to ride the escalators up...and the line to ride it behind them comes to a complete stop. of course they have to reconvene at the top of the escalators to get the kids in line again, and to reconfirm their plans ala which direction they are going to walk....right at the top of the escalator, so that the crowd behind them has to squeeze around them to get past and get on with their business...

must be nice to have a vacation. although for the life of me i cant see why you'd want to take it here. its too hot and humid...