October is breast cancer awareness month...time to get out your pink ribbons and do your part to help find a cure for this devastating illness. Breast cancer is the second leading cause of death among US women - each year it takes roughly 40,000 of our mothers, sisters, wives, aunts, and grandmothers from us. It takes our men too, btw. Yep. One out of every 100 new cases of breast cancer diagnosed is found in men.
This year, several members of the eBay DIY community have come together to host a charity DIY auction to support breast cancer research. This auction will be hosted on eBay, and will start on Sunday, September 25, 2005. So far, there are eleven participants, and each is donating an item with 100% of the proceeds going to breast cancer charity. This auction is the brainchild of tatdimg - Jen - and the overwhelming positive response she has received from members of the DIY community has almost *almost* made me have faith in the goodness of people again :)
Don't miss it. And be sure to bid! And really, you don't want to miss the first *and only* aNGrYGiRL Gear shrug with....*gasp*....PINK on it. I know, I know. It almost gives me hives. But I have to keep telling myself its for a good cause :)
Monday, August 22, 2005
Doo-way Wah!!
Ugh...Monday morning. I drank all weekend. ALL weekend. Should not to have done that. Don't really know why I did. But today I am just bloated and blah. I think I'm up to like 145 pounds now ~ yes, I was down to 132 a month ago. I need to get myself under control again. I think its just that nothing in my life is under control right now, its all so up in the air...
I can't wait to move. I'm absolutely chomping at the bit to move. My husband had the perfect analogy for this feeling. Its like you're driving home and you have to pee. Really bad. Gotta go gotta go gotta go. And you get home, and you go to the restroom, and you see the toilet and then man you REALLY GOTTA GO - thats the feeling I have right now (no, I don't have to pee...oh wait maybe I do...hahah). I can see the toilet (hahah...to refer to the new townhouse as the *toilet* almost makes me not want to go there) and man oh man I GOTTA GO NOW. 5 more days. I'm counting down the days to the move like a damn kid at Christmas. I want out out out out out out out out out out out out...
I'm off real life work next week (hoooray). Not to say that sewing isn't real life work. I guess its just not the work that pays the bills. Well it DOES pay the bills...well shit, I just blew that all to hell. Anyhoo, you get the idea. VACATION!!! WAHOO!! I'm off to the Carribbean for a week of beaches, sun and margaritas. What? I'm not??? What the fuck? Ahh well, I guess I'm off to Maryland for a week of sewing and unpacking, hehehe. And hair rebraiding ~ does anyone remember the furby? He had a cute little language called *furbish* and furbish for *big fun* was *doo-way wah*. You'd play with him and he'd say, *doo-way wah, big fun!* Yeah, he was entertaining for about three minutes. Eventually I deskinned him to see how he worked. But umm, hair rebraiding....doo-way wah! NOT! Hehehe....
In the meantime, I'm gonna crawl outta the bottle here (or should I say the beer can) and get my ass back in the gym (doo-way wah) and eat right again (doo-way wah) and try to put this broken, messed up jigsaw that is my life back together again
I know the pieces fit...I watched them fall away
I can't wait to move. I'm absolutely chomping at the bit to move. My husband had the perfect analogy for this feeling. Its like you're driving home and you have to pee. Really bad. Gotta go gotta go gotta go. And you get home, and you go to the restroom, and you see the toilet and then man you REALLY GOTTA GO - thats the feeling I have right now (no, I don't have to pee...oh wait maybe I do...hahah). I can see the toilet (hahah...to refer to the new townhouse as the *toilet* almost makes me not want to go there) and man oh man I GOTTA GO NOW. 5 more days. I'm counting down the days to the move like a damn kid at Christmas. I want out out out out out out out out out out out out...
I'm off real life work next week (hoooray). Not to say that sewing isn't real life work. I guess its just not the work that pays the bills. Well it DOES pay the bills...well shit, I just blew that all to hell. Anyhoo, you get the idea. VACATION!!! WAHOO!! I'm off to the Carribbean for a week of beaches, sun and margaritas. What? I'm not??? What the fuck? Ahh well, I guess I'm off to Maryland for a week of sewing and unpacking, hehehe. And hair rebraiding ~ does anyone remember the furby? He had a cute little language called *furbish* and furbish for *big fun* was *doo-way wah*. You'd play with him and he'd say, *doo-way wah, big fun!* Yeah, he was entertaining for about three minutes. Eventually I deskinned him to see how he worked. But umm, hair rebraiding....doo-way wah! NOT! Hehehe....
In the meantime, I'm gonna crawl outta the bottle here (or should I say the beer can) and get my ass back in the gym (doo-way wah) and eat right again (doo-way wah) and try to put this broken, messed up jigsaw that is my life back together again
I know the pieces fit...I watched them fall away
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
I got....YOU....Babe.....
ARGH! Life in chaos! What an existence! Back from Phoenix, back to life as we know it, only fatter and MORE hectic, if you can believe it.
I had the pleasure of meeting Ngoc, one of my clients, out in Phoenix whilst I was toiling away there. She is sooooooooooo itty bitty!! Dayum :) Gave her her new Iron Maiden straight jacket *jealousy* ...then we went out drinking with my favorite coworker Christina to a bar on the hotel property that we had a gift certificate to. Turns out, unbeknownst to us, that my boss' boss was there with some other coworkers - and they were singing karoke!! Soooooooo me, the supa metalhead freak, took a client to....Karoke Night with The Boss. whooot n holla. I was simply mortified. But not too mortified to actually get up, put on a black urban cowgirl hat and a purple and black feather boa (yes, dressed in the usual angrygirl gear - black and metal, the full freakagalia...need you even ask?), grab a tambourine and join a coworker in a rousing rendition of *I Got You Babe*
yep
Sonny and Cher.....
Ok so now that I have no street cred anymore, let me just reiterate that I was drunk, it was MY BOSS' BOSS MAKING ME DO IT, it was the first *and last* time I ever sang karoke....AND I had lost a bet at work a while back that involved a yellow dress *dont ask* and this was my payback.
I fit the part perfectly with the hair and all....and I DID do some headbanging at the end there, ya know, kinda toughen up the song a little bit....
Yeah, so we got tired of the singing pretty quickly and went to a room party being thrown by another coworker. He somehow got the master suite in the place...he had a 10-seat conference table in his room with a full kitchen and TWO bathrooms!! He's not a boss or anything special either, he just got lucky. Its a good thing he had two bathrooms cuz one of his tubs was full of beer. GOTTA LOVE THAT!! I tore right into the rolling rocks :) what the fuck, I wasn't driving anywhere. One guy brought his kids, they were two boys about 6 and 8 ish, they were playing in the bedroom when I got there. I went and grabbed a beer, and walked out the boys were being all rambunctious....running and playing...ran by me...and stopped. Silent. Stared at me and walked by...my coworkers are laughing their asses off....I'm like, did I just frighten children???? Come on, I'm not THAT weird....
The party was breaking up about half an hour after we got there, so we *well I* grabbed a few more beers from the tub, and Ngoc and I went back to my room. Sat and drank and talked about everything....I altered some clothes for her hehehe....and she showed me the movie short her boyfriend made that she starred in...before you know it it was 5:15 am. I had to catch a taxi at 6am for the airport and I wasnt even fully packed yet. I am soooooooo lucky I looked at the time. Of course Christina did call a little while later to see if I was up and I was like, ummmm....yeah...heh. So I packed and rushed outta there, got to the plane in time, survived the flight, had a few days off work...
Came in to work this morning...
To coworkers...
Singing a chorus of *I got you babe!! I got you babe!!*
I will never live this down...
Moral of the story, if there is one...if you're gonna get drunk with the boss' boss and you're gonna sing karoke...choose a better song...christ....
I got....YOU....babe....
I had the pleasure of meeting Ngoc, one of my clients, out in Phoenix whilst I was toiling away there. She is sooooooooooo itty bitty!! Dayum :) Gave her her new Iron Maiden straight jacket *jealousy* ...then we went out drinking with my favorite coworker Christina to a bar on the hotel property that we had a gift certificate to. Turns out, unbeknownst to us, that my boss' boss was there with some other coworkers - and they were singing karoke!! Soooooooo me, the supa metalhead freak, took a client to....Karoke Night with The Boss. whooot n holla. I was simply mortified. But not too mortified to actually get up, put on a black urban cowgirl hat and a purple and black feather boa (yes, dressed in the usual angrygirl gear - black and metal, the full freakagalia...need you even ask?), grab a tambourine and join a coworker in a rousing rendition of *I Got You Babe*
yep
Sonny and Cher.....
Ok so now that I have no street cred anymore, let me just reiterate that I was drunk, it was MY BOSS' BOSS MAKING ME DO IT, it was the first *and last* time I ever sang karoke....AND I had lost a bet at work a while back that involved a yellow dress *dont ask* and this was my payback.
I fit the part perfectly with the hair and all....and I DID do some headbanging at the end there, ya know, kinda toughen up the song a little bit....
Yeah, so we got tired of the singing pretty quickly and went to a room party being thrown by another coworker. He somehow got the master suite in the place...he had a 10-seat conference table in his room with a full kitchen and TWO bathrooms!! He's not a boss or anything special either, he just got lucky. Its a good thing he had two bathrooms cuz one of his tubs was full of beer. GOTTA LOVE THAT!! I tore right into the rolling rocks :) what the fuck, I wasn't driving anywhere. One guy brought his kids, they were two boys about 6 and 8 ish, they were playing in the bedroom when I got there. I went and grabbed a beer, and walked out the boys were being all rambunctious....running and playing...ran by me...and stopped. Silent. Stared at me and walked by...my coworkers are laughing their asses off....I'm like, did I just frighten children???? Come on, I'm not THAT weird....
The party was breaking up about half an hour after we got there, so we *well I* grabbed a few more beers from the tub, and Ngoc and I went back to my room. Sat and drank and talked about everything....I altered some clothes for her hehehe....and she showed me the movie short her boyfriend made that she starred in...before you know it it was 5:15 am. I had to catch a taxi at 6am for the airport and I wasnt even fully packed yet. I am soooooooo lucky I looked at the time. Of course Christina did call a little while later to see if I was up and I was like, ummmm....yeah...heh. So I packed and rushed outta there, got to the plane in time, survived the flight, had a few days off work...
Came in to work this morning...
To coworkers...
Singing a chorus of *I got you babe!! I got you babe!!*
I will never live this down...
Moral of the story, if there is one...if you're gonna get drunk with the boss' boss and you're gonna sing karoke...choose a better song...christ....
I got....YOU....babe....
Sunday, August 07, 2005
My Last Will and Testament
I, Cindy...being of sound mind and body
(sound mind???? hahah....HAHAHA....AHHAHAHAHHAH)
Getting on the plane soon. Christ I hate to fly. I've got a very *toned down* version of my sewing room packed in a bag or two...hehe...gonna make a few corsets while I'm in Phoenix to help keep me occupied and otherwise out of the alcohol.
Been really tense about this trip. Had more of those *nuclear bomb dropping* dreams this morning (might have been the late night pizza binge that brought that on tho...)
Found a new place to live with 900 square feet (!!! a palace !!!) and THREE DISTINCT ROOMS!!! whooo hoooo! Moving at the end of the month.
Got a new cat in the deal. Seems the rental agent rescued a cat that had been abandoned at @2 weeks old. Hand fed it til it was weaned. Shes about 6 weeks old now. She's more of a chupacabra than she is a cat. She thinks I'm her personal cat chew toy. That's her with Jeff. Her name is Dime. Or Dime Bag. Or Little Dime. Or Chupacabra.
FUCK I DON'T WANT TO FLY.
Prey for me.....
Friday, August 05, 2005
Quoth JD, "Men..."
Ok I wrote this as an email to Nic, but I figured I'd add it here as an addendum to my post from yesterday...
***
Nope the sellers are not helping with the repairs cuz there were two guys carrying it...my husband and one of the seller's employees (so its like half our fault). They both didnt know the head wasn't bolted on (perhaps ONE of them should have oh i dunno tested??? to see if it was attached). They thought it was just one big piece and they could turn it on its side and stick it in the truck.
It has a HUGE motor...which means it has OIL...you would NEVER do this to something as simple as a lawnmower...
Anyhoo...they turn it on its side, the head of course falls to the concrete. The oil that sits in the pan between the head and table spills all over everything. Things are broken off all over....
Bottom line: $150 in repairs, and 2+ weeks before I get it....
Luckily the OTHER machine will be out of the shop by the time i get back from phoenix, so I will be able to sew something besides corsets again finally :)
***
And for anyone wondering: No, I wasn't there. Yes, I know the head is not attached to the table. No, I didn't tell anyone beforehand. No one asked. I figured someone would attempt to remove the head from the table...to quote JD from the last post...."Men." Heh.
***
Nope the sellers are not helping with the repairs cuz there were two guys carrying it...my husband and one of the seller's employees (so its like half our fault). They both didnt know the head wasn't bolted on (perhaps ONE of them should have oh i dunno tested??? to see if it was attached). They thought it was just one big piece and they could turn it on its side and stick it in the truck.
It has a HUGE motor...which means it has OIL...you would NEVER do this to something as simple as a lawnmower...
Anyhoo...they turn it on its side, the head of course falls to the concrete. The oil that sits in the pan between the head and table spills all over everything. Things are broken off all over....
Bottom line: $150 in repairs, and 2+ weeks before I get it....
Luckily the OTHER machine will be out of the shop by the time i get back from phoenix, so I will be able to sew something besides corsets again finally :)
***
And for anyone wondering: No, I wasn't there. Yes, I know the head is not attached to the table. No, I didn't tell anyone beforehand. No one asked. I figured someone would attempt to remove the head from the table...to quote JD from the last post...."Men." Heh.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
they dropped it
they said they thought the head was bolted to the table
???????
they tried to load it into the car as one piece
and the fucking head fell off
and landed on the concrete below
cracked broken chipped bent needs a new belt now of course too
in a puddle of its own machine oil so im told
a $2300 machine NEVER USED
and they fucking dropped it
and right now i just want to die and thats about all
???????
they tried to load it into the car as one piece
and the fucking head fell off
and landed on the concrete below
cracked broken chipped bent needs a new belt now of course too
in a puddle of its own machine oil so im told
a $2300 machine NEVER USED
and they fucking dropped it
and right now i just want to die and thats about all
Haunted Houses, Roaches and Phoenix
Almost time to go to Phoenix...the flight leaves Sunday afternoon *shakes*...not a big fan of flying. Not a big fan of traveling. Not a big fan of unfamiliar places. Still trying to figure out how to take a sewing machine with me (well, the 1000 year old kenmore and the serger - the other machine is still in the shop, and the new industrial wont fit in a bag). I have a lot of things I want to do and one of them is NOT sit at the hotel bar and drink myself silly every night, so I need the diversion.
Going to the bar/drink self silly DOES sound like a hoot tho, doesn't it? :)
I also got my gameboy (where is the gamegirl, anyway?) and two computers (my work computer and my personal computer) AND i do have an internet connection in the room...so I will still be able to surf porn!! hahahahah....
Im wondering if the airline will let you carry on a serger and a sewing machine (in cases, of course). I dont want to check them and risk damage. I can't imagine they would consider those as dangerous items...how could I terrorize a plane with a serger or sewing machine??
Take this plane to Cuba or I will serge all your clothes in half!! Muahahahahah
Turn the plane around or I'll....I'll.....make a QUILT!!!!
We gave notice at the one room apartment. We are getting the hell out. No, we have nowhere lined up to live yet....hahaha...August 31 comes around and we are on the street. My overtaxed and overworked husband is going to be looking for a place for us to live during my absence next week. That scares me. Lets put it this way...everywhere he's ever found for us to live was either a) a crackhouse neighborhood b) a roach infested hellhole c) falling apart - ie nothing ever working, paint peeling off, d) haunted, or e) any combination of the above.
I remember one place I used to sit and watch people drive up, leave the car running, be gone for 3 minutes, come back to car and leave. Repeat this 5 times every night with different cars. What do you suppose was going on there? That place was also haunted...Jeff was working evenings and overnights and I used to spend a lot of time there alone. Strange odors would waft by and be gone...and IT...whatever IT was, lived in one of the bedrooms. I slept in there alone one night, and woke up to IT standing over me, looking at me I guess? As soon as woke up, it *sucked* itself backward kinda, like a genie going back into its bottle, and was gone. Another time, I was sleeping in the other room because we had a roomie using the IT room at the time. I was sleeping, and heard a lot of commotion in the next room (the IT room). I figured the roomie and his girlfriend had come home and were going at it. I was even getting pissed...like, damn, have sex quieter for christs sake, I have to work!! Lots of thumping, scraping, sounds like muffled voices talking. I blew it off and went back to sleep. Woke up that morning to an empty house. The roomie came home later that afternoon and I was like WTF with all that noise last night? He was all confused...told me he had stayed the night at the girlfriend's house. No one was ever there but me. He went into his room, and shit he had hanging on the walls...was all over the floor. Funny that he moved out soon after. I only saw IT one other time, and this was right before we moved out. I was sleeping in the safe room hahah, the roomie was gone. the IT room door was closed *which by that time was pretty much how it stayed* My door was closed but not shut tight. I woke up to the door cracked open about 6 inches with a *dead space* black head (like black hole...it was a nothing black) peeking through that crack, and it was GRINNING at me. FUCKING GRINNING. Wild. I never got the impression that it could hurt me...but I could tell it didn't like me.
Another place, we used to sit and listen to our neighbor get drunk and beat the hell out of his old lady every night. She'd come by the next day with a black eye and be all nonchalant about it. The dude was HUGE...so we didn't say much about it. THIS place was cockroach heaven. I would have to go to the bathroom each morning with a shoe (this is NO shit) and smash the 4 or 5 roaches I would find just so I could use the shower in peace. The building would have the exterminators out constantly...and all it would do is drive the bugs to the next apartment. You could always tell when they were spraying the neighbor's place. It was so bad the roaches got into the workings of the microwave. yeah. youd see them crawling along on the INSIDE of the LCD screen on the micro. And when you used it (on the very very rare occasion you HAD to...cuz believe me, we ate out A LOT...would you use that kitchen?) you could smell the roaches burning. Why did we stay? We were young and broke. Haven't we all been young and broke? Fuck. Needless to say, NOTHING from that house went with us when we moved. Not like we had much anyway - a hand me down bed, a hand me down couch. The fucking microwave went in the trash along with just about everything else in the kitchen. We washed all the clothes at a laundromat and packed them AT the laundromat, then took them to the new place. Then we had the new place exterminate a few times right off the bat to be safe.
So yeah, im really worried about what he finds...haha...
Lunch.... :)
Going to the bar/drink self silly DOES sound like a hoot tho, doesn't it? :)
I also got my gameboy (where is the gamegirl, anyway?) and two computers (my work computer and my personal computer) AND i do have an internet connection in the room...so I will still be able to surf porn!! hahahahah....
Im wondering if the airline will let you carry on a serger and a sewing machine (in cases, of course). I dont want to check them and risk damage. I can't imagine they would consider those as dangerous items...how could I terrorize a plane with a serger or sewing machine??
Take this plane to Cuba or I will serge all your clothes in half!! Muahahahahah
Turn the plane around or I'll....I'll.....make a QUILT!!!!
We gave notice at the one room apartment. We are getting the hell out. No, we have nowhere lined up to live yet....hahaha...August 31 comes around and we are on the street. My overtaxed and overworked husband is going to be looking for a place for us to live during my absence next week. That scares me. Lets put it this way...everywhere he's ever found for us to live was either a) a crackhouse neighborhood b) a roach infested hellhole c) falling apart - ie nothing ever working, paint peeling off, d) haunted, or e) any combination of the above.
I remember one place I used to sit and watch people drive up, leave the car running, be gone for 3 minutes, come back to car and leave. Repeat this 5 times every night with different cars. What do you suppose was going on there? That place was also haunted...Jeff was working evenings and overnights and I used to spend a lot of time there alone. Strange odors would waft by and be gone...and IT...whatever IT was, lived in one of the bedrooms. I slept in there alone one night, and woke up to IT standing over me, looking at me I guess? As soon as woke up, it *sucked* itself backward kinda, like a genie going back into its bottle, and was gone. Another time, I was sleeping in the other room because we had a roomie using the IT room at the time. I was sleeping, and heard a lot of commotion in the next room (the IT room). I figured the roomie and his girlfriend had come home and were going at it. I was even getting pissed...like, damn, have sex quieter for christs sake, I have to work!! Lots of thumping, scraping, sounds like muffled voices talking. I blew it off and went back to sleep. Woke up that morning to an empty house. The roomie came home later that afternoon and I was like WTF with all that noise last night? He was all confused...told me he had stayed the night at the girlfriend's house. No one was ever there but me. He went into his room, and shit he had hanging on the walls...was all over the floor. Funny that he moved out soon after. I only saw IT one other time, and this was right before we moved out. I was sleeping in the safe room hahah, the roomie was gone. the IT room door was closed *which by that time was pretty much how it stayed* My door was closed but not shut tight. I woke up to the door cracked open about 6 inches with a *dead space* black head (like black hole...it was a nothing black) peeking through that crack, and it was GRINNING at me. FUCKING GRINNING. Wild. I never got the impression that it could hurt me...but I could tell it didn't like me.
Another place, we used to sit and listen to our neighbor get drunk and beat the hell out of his old lady every night. She'd come by the next day with a black eye and be all nonchalant about it. The dude was HUGE...so we didn't say much about it. THIS place was cockroach heaven. I would have to go to the bathroom each morning with a shoe (this is NO shit) and smash the 4 or 5 roaches I would find just so I could use the shower in peace. The building would have the exterminators out constantly...and all it would do is drive the bugs to the next apartment. You could always tell when they were spraying the neighbor's place. It was so bad the roaches got into the workings of the microwave. yeah. youd see them crawling along on the INSIDE of the LCD screen on the micro. And when you used it (on the very very rare occasion you HAD to...cuz believe me, we ate out A LOT...would you use that kitchen?) you could smell the roaches burning. Why did we stay? We were young and broke. Haven't we all been young and broke? Fuck. Needless to say, NOTHING from that house went with us when we moved. Not like we had much anyway - a hand me down bed, a hand me down couch. The fucking microwave went in the trash along with just about everything else in the kitchen. We washed all the clothes at a laundromat and packed them AT the laundromat, then took them to the new place. Then we had the new place exterminate a few times right off the bat to be safe.
So yeah, im really worried about what he finds...haha...
Lunch.... :)
Friday, July 29, 2005
The Stars Align
Ahhh thats much better. Yesterday was a simply stellar day. All the stars lined up for me yesterday...so today I'm watching out for busses, cuz I'm pretty sure I'm due to get hit!
My husband got a call from his radio station...offered him a full time job (FINALLY!!)!!! Whoooooooo hoooooo thats the first domino to fall in what will hopefully be a chain reaction back to normal life for us :) He starts Monday - which is funny cuz he worked all last weekend, all this week, is working again all weekend...then *starts* Monday...sounds less like a start and more like a continuation only now with $$ and benefits. He's doing evenings 7-12, which is gonna suck because I work 8-5...but...it does free me up pretty much to power sew monday thru friday evenings!! and he might even get a weekend day off *gasp*....which means I might get a weekend day off too *double gasp*...
Of course those weekends are already spent, in advance, just like my damn paycheck. First job, find a new place to live. I need more than 300 square feet. I'd also like a real kitchen and maybe a second ROOM!!! Haha I might even want 3 rooms!! Dare to dream. Then once we have a place to put our shit, we have to go back to the PA house and pack up our shit...and move it to the new place. Then unpack it. Then get the PA house ready to sell, then list it, then sell it.......oy. A lot of busy *free* weekend days. I'd almost rather sew!
But hey, the first domino fell. And I feel good. And I'm going out tonight to celebrate. And I'm gonna eat something fried. And maybe something chocolate. And I'm definitely having a few margaritas...oooh I'm gonna suck out loud tomorrow but all I have to do is laundry and sewing...got two more things to get sewn up before listings on Monday.
Oh and auction end last night...phenomenal. My best night ever. A BIG thank you to those of you who continue to help support me through this monster 8 month financial crisis :) I won't expect another auction to end like last night again real soon...haha...if ever! But that money is currently saving our asses until he gets some paychecks rolling in and we can start getting things back on track again :)
I really am glad I didnt get on the scale yesterday LOL but then again, who knows...the day was so perfect, I might have gotten on and weighed like 110 pounds!! hahahahah.....RIIIIIGHT. That's the next task...get this shit OFF ME. But tonight...party :)
ice cream...i want ice cream...
My husband got a call from his radio station...offered him a full time job (FINALLY!!)!!! Whoooooooo hoooooo thats the first domino to fall in what will hopefully be a chain reaction back to normal life for us :) He starts Monday - which is funny cuz he worked all last weekend, all this week, is working again all weekend...then *starts* Monday...sounds less like a start and more like a continuation only now with $$ and benefits. He's doing evenings 7-12, which is gonna suck because I work 8-5...but...it does free me up pretty much to power sew monday thru friday evenings!! and he might even get a weekend day off *gasp*....which means I might get a weekend day off too *double gasp*...
Of course those weekends are already spent, in advance, just like my damn paycheck. First job, find a new place to live. I need more than 300 square feet. I'd also like a real kitchen and maybe a second ROOM!!! Haha I might even want 3 rooms!! Dare to dream. Then once we have a place to put our shit, we have to go back to the PA house and pack up our shit...and move it to the new place. Then unpack it. Then get the PA house ready to sell, then list it, then sell it.......oy. A lot of busy *free* weekend days. I'd almost rather sew!
But hey, the first domino fell. And I feel good. And I'm going out tonight to celebrate. And I'm gonna eat something fried. And maybe something chocolate. And I'm definitely having a few margaritas...oooh I'm gonna suck out loud tomorrow but all I have to do is laundry and sewing...got two more things to get sewn up before listings on Monday.
Oh and auction end last night...phenomenal. My best night ever. A BIG thank you to those of you who continue to help support me through this monster 8 month financial crisis :) I won't expect another auction to end like last night again real soon...haha...if ever! But that money is currently saving our asses until he gets some paychecks rolling in and we can start getting things back on track again :)
I really am glad I didnt get on the scale yesterday LOL but then again, who knows...the day was so perfect, I might have gotten on and weighed like 110 pounds!! hahahahah.....RIIIIIGHT. That's the next task...get this shit OFF ME. But tonight...party :)
ice cream...i want ice cream...
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The Weirdest Pet Peeve ever
As if it couldnt get hotter and more humid in DC...it got hotter and more humid!! OMG summer is getting harder and harder to take every year (just wait til youre my age and having to deal with this heat...hahahahah). I can't wait til I go to Phoenix in two weeks...will finally be able to get away from this heat...
...see thats a joke, see - its really fucking A hot in Phoenix. I was in Arizona once in July, at Lake Havasu, where the London Bridge is (yes, the one that was *falling down* - apparantly the residents of Lake Havasu decided that they should purchase this bridge, tear it apart *hell it was already falling down hahah*, ship it across the globe, and reassemble it in their fine town). It was over 120 degrees at that damn bridge. I remember we had the A/C on in the car for this road trip on our way to Las Vegas - well, it turns out you shouldn't do that in this kind of heat - and we overheated the car and spent the afternoon at some rest stop in the middle of nowhere Arizona with about 100 other tourists who had done the same damn thing. Hahah what did we know anyway? We were from Colorado - its not hot there!! I can tell you not to ride your brakes down a mountain highway....but had no idea that you shouldn't run your A/C when its fucking A hot out.
Anyhoo, not looking forward to that trip. Last I heard, last week anyway, 18 people had died in AZ from the heat. And of course this is a business trip (although its for IT training, not *business* really) and they have decided (*they* being the bosses 8 levels up from mine) that we are not to wear shorts to this training. Oh but they did send us out an email to remind us to be *prepared* for the heat. ???? Since when does *proper dress protocol* supersede your personal safety??? So I have to wear a fucking pantsuit in 120 degree heat so I look professional?????? How professional will we all look laying dead on the ground, fully dressed in fucking suits, nylons and high fucking heels, in 120 degree deadly heat?
Enough of that rant. I have a feeling that those days we are supposed to *dress professionally* will be days I test the limits of professional dress. I may leave off the chains. ha. Ahhh so many ways to get myself fired, how will I ever choose just one? *May be reopening that customs shop a LOT sooner than I planned...oy*
Oh yeah heres a good one. Didn't go to Ozzfest this year. Yep you read that right. DIDN'T go. No one was looking forward to that more than me. Well, maybe a few people were, but not many!! My husband's radio station...could NOT get tickets??? wha????? huh????? Ok so you're a -RADIO STATION- and you can't get comp tickets? *here is where i make the bugs bunny tweaked face * what sort of radio station IS this? So we debated...drive 2 hours to the venue, pay to park, hope for some scalpers selling lawn tickets, pay for 2 of those tickets, and hope we could jump the gate to get up front for Mudvayne and Iron Maiden. $50 spent on parking and tickets, extra $$ for beer and food, a shirt maybe (that Im keeping and NOT cutting up and selling DIY lol)...and no guarantee of even getting close to the action. *sigh* not worth it. so we stayed home and .... cleaned the apartment! wheeeeeee! I listened to Mudvayne while I cleaned tho :(
I saw the line up schedule for Ozzfest...Mudvanye only had 40 minutes, Iron Maiden an hour...that's my biggest problem with these festivals...not enough time. I remember one year Manson was on, he only had 30 minutes...like 6 songs and gone. I was just getting into it when it ended. I figure Mudvayne will tour their album after Ozzfest ends this fall anyway....I'd rather just see them play for an hour and a half...can get right up front that way :) have fun! And Maiden, well I've already seen them 2234689 times. Don't get me wrong, Id love to see them 3893456 more times. But if I don't I'll live. Hell, 6 years ago we all thought they were gone anyway...never thought I'd see them again and Ive seen them 3 times since Bruce and Adrian came back. They'll be back *crosses fingers* Just saw them....a year and a half ago??? Maybe more...with Motorhead and Dio *makes devil horns* and got a drumstick from Nico to boot *YAY* so I guess I'm spoiled anyway.
I still wanted to go.....
grrrrrr
Pet Peeve: Crinkly plastic or aluminum (doesnt matter) little bags that contain crispy little snacks. The fucking crinkling noise drives me fucking insane. Do me favor. If youre ever gonna eat fucking crispy little snacks in my presence or within my earshot even, pour them out of the bag and eat them. I can't TOLERATE that little crinkly noise that's generated when you dig your little hand in there every eight fucking seconds to drag out the crispy little snack.
so there. thats probably the weirdest pet peeve ever and i dont care :)
...see thats a joke, see - its really fucking A hot in Phoenix. I was in Arizona once in July, at Lake Havasu, where the London Bridge is (yes, the one that was *falling down* - apparantly the residents of Lake Havasu decided that they should purchase this bridge, tear it apart *hell it was already falling down hahah*, ship it across the globe, and reassemble it in their fine town). It was over 120 degrees at that damn bridge. I remember we had the A/C on in the car for this road trip on our way to Las Vegas - well, it turns out you shouldn't do that in this kind of heat - and we overheated the car and spent the afternoon at some rest stop in the middle of nowhere Arizona with about 100 other tourists who had done the same damn thing. Hahah what did we know anyway? We were from Colorado - its not hot there!! I can tell you not to ride your brakes down a mountain highway....but had no idea that you shouldn't run your A/C when its fucking A hot out.
Anyhoo, not looking forward to that trip. Last I heard, last week anyway, 18 people had died in AZ from the heat. And of course this is a business trip (although its for IT training, not *business* really) and they have decided (*they* being the bosses 8 levels up from mine) that we are not to wear shorts to this training. Oh but they did send us out an email to remind us to be *prepared* for the heat. ???? Since when does *proper dress protocol* supersede your personal safety??? So I have to wear a fucking pantsuit in 120 degree heat so I look professional?????? How professional will we all look laying dead on the ground, fully dressed in fucking suits, nylons and high fucking heels, in 120 degree deadly heat?
Enough of that rant. I have a feeling that those days we are supposed to *dress professionally* will be days I test the limits of professional dress. I may leave off the chains. ha. Ahhh so many ways to get myself fired, how will I ever choose just one? *May be reopening that customs shop a LOT sooner than I planned...oy*
Oh yeah heres a good one. Didn't go to Ozzfest this year. Yep you read that right. DIDN'T go. No one was looking forward to that more than me. Well, maybe a few people were, but not many!! My husband's radio station...could NOT get tickets??? wha????? huh????? Ok so you're a -RADIO STATION- and you can't get comp tickets? *here is where i make the bugs bunny tweaked face * what sort of radio station IS this? So we debated...drive 2 hours to the venue, pay to park, hope for some scalpers selling lawn tickets, pay for 2 of those tickets, and hope we could jump the gate to get up front for Mudvayne and Iron Maiden. $50 spent on parking and tickets, extra $$ for beer and food, a shirt maybe (that Im keeping and NOT cutting up and selling DIY lol)...and no guarantee of even getting close to the action. *sigh* not worth it. so we stayed home and .... cleaned the apartment! wheeeeeee! I listened to Mudvayne while I cleaned tho :(
I saw the line up schedule for Ozzfest...Mudvanye only had 40 minutes, Iron Maiden an hour...that's my biggest problem with these festivals...not enough time. I remember one year Manson was on, he only had 30 minutes...like 6 songs and gone. I was just getting into it when it ended. I figure Mudvayne will tour their album after Ozzfest ends this fall anyway....I'd rather just see them play for an hour and a half...can get right up front that way :) have fun! And Maiden, well I've already seen them 2234689 times. Don't get me wrong, Id love to see them 3893456 more times. But if I don't I'll live. Hell, 6 years ago we all thought they were gone anyway...never thought I'd see them again and Ive seen them 3 times since Bruce and Adrian came back. They'll be back *crosses fingers* Just saw them....a year and a half ago??? Maybe more...with Motorhead and Dio *makes devil horns* and got a drumstick from Nico to boot *YAY* so I guess I'm spoiled anyway.
I still wanted to go.....
grrrrrr
Pet Peeve: Crinkly plastic or aluminum (doesnt matter) little bags that contain crispy little snacks. The fucking crinkling noise drives me fucking insane. Do me favor. If youre ever gonna eat fucking crispy little snacks in my presence or within my earshot even, pour them out of the bag and eat them. I can't TOLERATE that little crinkly noise that's generated when you dig your little hand in there every eight fucking seconds to drag out the crispy little snack.
so there. thats probably the weirdest pet peeve ever and i dont care :)
Monday, July 25, 2005
The Scream
Hmmm this was from Monday, July 25th...somehow it didnt get posted. But it got saved. Wow I really am a mess...anyhoo here is the post:
I couldn't sleep this morning. Woke up at 4:30 am with a mild panic attack that just got worse and worse as I lay there wishing I could sleep. By 5 am my brain was SCREAMING at me...like Deep Purple...screaming out pictures of home...only it wasn't pictures of home it was screaming. It was pictures of ruin. In any case, I figured it was useless to lay there and continue to be screamed at so I got up and came in to work early. I was the first one here this morning. The door was locked. Had to wait for someone with a key to come open it for me.
So maybe today I will get to leave early, then I can go home and get some work done.
A few of you may have noticed I took down my public humiliation page. My diet is not going well. After about 6 weeks with little loss, I've kinda gone nuts the past week and a half...I even drank pretty much all weekend...christ. I am a bloated fat mess. For two weeks in a row I only went to the gym twice...I have to remedy that situation asap. I've just been so tired and so ... blah ... that the gym really hasn't appealed to me. In any case, I'm pretty much back up to the 137 pounds I started at when the diet thing began. Pathetic. This time last year I was about 10 pounds lighter.
I really have to do something about this but then hell there's a loooong ass list of things that I have to do something about and its pretty much that list that makes my goddamn head scream at me at 4:30 in the morning.
I couldn't sleep this morning. Woke up at 4:30 am with a mild panic attack that just got worse and worse as I lay there wishing I could sleep. By 5 am my brain was SCREAMING at me...like Deep Purple...screaming out pictures of home...only it wasn't pictures of home it was screaming. It was pictures of ruin. In any case, I figured it was useless to lay there and continue to be screamed at so I got up and came in to work early. I was the first one here this morning. The door was locked. Had to wait for someone with a key to come open it for me.
So maybe today I will get to leave early, then I can go home and get some work done.
A few of you may have noticed I took down my public humiliation page. My diet is not going well. After about 6 weeks with little loss, I've kinda gone nuts the past week and a half...I even drank pretty much all weekend...christ. I am a bloated fat mess. For two weeks in a row I only went to the gym twice...I have to remedy that situation asap. I've just been so tired and so ... blah ... that the gym really hasn't appealed to me. In any case, I'm pretty much back up to the 137 pounds I started at when the diet thing began. Pathetic. This time last year I was about 10 pounds lighter.
I really have to do something about this but then hell there's a loooong ass list of things that I have to do something about and its pretty much that list that makes my goddamn head scream at me at 4:30 in the morning.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
No...seriously...
I'm tired. I'm tired beyond comprehension. I've not been this tired since graduate school, and that was Carnegie fucking Mellon...if my day to day life is as exhausting as THAT school was, I think its time to rethink.
But what is there to rethink. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have not had a vacation...I have not had ONE DAY OFF FROM WORKING in over 6 months. Not one. A few evenings (usually Friday) but thats IT.
Here is my weekly schedule:
wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, shop for fabric, go out to eat, get drunk, go to bed.
Here is my weekend schedule:
wake up, work, go to bed, wake up, work, go to bed.
Anyone who thinks this is an exaggeration can fuck right off and die. How I wish it was a fucking exaggeration. Im so fucking tired I cant see straight. Im actually amazed I can still sew straight. Take a nice close look at the pictures of me on ebay. See the pasty complexion? Thats NOT goth makeup. See the bags under the eyes? Shrinkle doesn't sell makeup that can do that. Its all natural. Its called exhaustion.
It must be nice to be one of those ebay sellers who can rely on their auction earnings for their full income. Ill never be that seller, I've been a full grown adult with waaaay too much credit and waaaay too much income for too many years to be able to survive without a job. I own a house, cars, motorcycles...I've inflated my life and expenses to the point where a full time day job is always going to be a necessity (unless I somehow luck into marrying Johnny Depp...hahah).
But it must also be nice to make enough money from auctions to be able to NOT have to sew every day, to NOT have to have listings running ALL THE TIME, to NOT have to work your ass off all week (after working a day job) at top speed to try to get new listings out, all the while trying to be creative and do new things AND still maintain top quality in your product. I suppose these ebayers get to spend time with their familes, get to spend time with their significant others....get to leave the FUCKING HOUSE??? and go outside in the summer.
But I am not one of those ebayers either...I'm just a girl with a family trying to survive what has to be far and away the WORST financial crisis we have ever faced. Thank god I had the ebay business up and running before our shit hit the fucking fan...or we'd be long sunk by now.
The truth is , the cruise ship already sank. Now I'm slowly killing myself trying to bail the water out of our leaky lifeboat...with a leaky bucket...and both holes are just getting bigger. And there's a big shark circling.
Well at any rate, I will still be listing my leaky buckets...er uh...garments...regardless. Desperate times call for desperate measures. There really isn't any rethinking to be done.
But what is there to rethink. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have not had a vacation...I have not had ONE DAY OFF FROM WORKING in over 6 months. Not one. A few evenings (usually Friday) but thats IT.
Here is my weekly schedule:
wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, work, go to bed, wake up, go to work, work out, come home, shop for fabric, go out to eat, get drunk, go to bed.
Here is my weekend schedule:
wake up, work, go to bed, wake up, work, go to bed.
Anyone who thinks this is an exaggeration can fuck right off and die. How I wish it was a fucking exaggeration. Im so fucking tired I cant see straight. Im actually amazed I can still sew straight. Take a nice close look at the pictures of me on ebay. See the pasty complexion? Thats NOT goth makeup. See the bags under the eyes? Shrinkle doesn't sell makeup that can do that. Its all natural. Its called exhaustion.
It must be nice to be one of those ebay sellers who can rely on their auction earnings for their full income. Ill never be that seller, I've been a full grown adult with waaaay too much credit and waaaay too much income for too many years to be able to survive without a job. I own a house, cars, motorcycles...I've inflated my life and expenses to the point where a full time day job is always going to be a necessity (unless I somehow luck into marrying Johnny Depp...hahah).
But it must also be nice to make enough money from auctions to be able to NOT have to sew every day, to NOT have to have listings running ALL THE TIME, to NOT have to work your ass off all week (after working a day job) at top speed to try to get new listings out, all the while trying to be creative and do new things AND still maintain top quality in your product. I suppose these ebayers get to spend time with their familes, get to spend time with their significant others....get to leave the FUCKING HOUSE??? and go outside in the summer.
But I am not one of those ebayers either...I'm just a girl with a family trying to survive what has to be far and away the WORST financial crisis we have ever faced. Thank god I had the ebay business up and running before our shit hit the fucking fan...or we'd be long sunk by now.
The truth is , the cruise ship already sank. Now I'm slowly killing myself trying to bail the water out of our leaky lifeboat...with a leaky bucket...and both holes are just getting bigger. And there's a big shark circling.
Well at any rate, I will still be listing my leaky buckets...er uh...garments...regardless. Desperate times call for desperate measures. There really isn't any rethinking to be done.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Can't Think of a Title
Oh my god. I worked so hard this weekend. I worked so hard and for so long that when I got to the real life job this morning, it felt like I hadn't been here in forever. And I was here on Friday. Wild. I was up before 9 am both mornings, and didnt stop sewing til after midnight both nights. Needless to say, I was good and sober...LOL no time for drinking. No money for it either...although it seems a good alcoholic can always find money to drink. I must be letting down. In any case, I am WORN the hell OUT. I wonder how much longer I can keep working 7 days a week, nonstop, until I just drop dead???
Maybe I should find out? Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop...how long can one girl work nonstop before everything just...stops? Let's see, I'm on about month 6 now...I guess a girl can keep up for a good long time, eh? heh.
Fixin to head to Phoenix for a week with work, the second week of August. Training. In PHOENIX. In AUGUST....WTF were they thinking??? You can guarantee I'm not leaving the hotel unless its in an air conditioned car...and going to an air conditioned location. I am still trying to figure out how to get a sewing machine and serger on a plane. 7 days without working would make me so unbelievably stressed out, I don't think I'd survive. I figure I can precut 3 or 4 corsets, take my POS cheap sewing machine, and precount out the supplies I need, and boom...mobile seamstress! Hmm. We shall see. Problem is the whooooole office is going to be there...hundred of us or so. And they drink. A lot. I have to take work to do in the evenings, if I don't, I will be in the bar. For a solid week. I will come back fat, bloated, in pain, and with a WICKED setback in my desire to be alcohol free in life (or at the very least alcohol reduced). Cuz once I start drinking, once I get the taste of it every night, its hard for me to stop.
On a brighter note, one of my angrylittle clients who lives in Phoenix may come out to the hotel for a little binge party action :) hahah Ill go out drinking one night...thats ok...if she comes, we will have an interesting time for sure. Two freaks in arizona...sweating their asses off hahah...gotta love it ;) Oddly enough, she and I have a lot of the same clothes...if I really like something I duplicate it for myself, and she seems to have similar tastes to mine, cuz I got a few duplicates heheh....gotta make sure I take different clothes! How funny to be wearing the same damn *unique* DIY thing...hah!
Well, the bosses have just informed me that its lunch time. When the bosses say lunch, you say how high. Or something like that....???? Mmmmm food. I miss food.
Maybe I should find out? Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop...how long can one girl work nonstop before everything just...stops? Let's see, I'm on about month 6 now...I guess a girl can keep up for a good long time, eh? heh.
Fixin to head to Phoenix for a week with work, the second week of August. Training. In PHOENIX. In AUGUST....WTF were they thinking??? You can guarantee I'm not leaving the hotel unless its in an air conditioned car...and going to an air conditioned location. I am still trying to figure out how to get a sewing machine and serger on a plane. 7 days without working would make me so unbelievably stressed out, I don't think I'd survive. I figure I can precut 3 or 4 corsets, take my POS cheap sewing machine, and precount out the supplies I need, and boom...mobile seamstress! Hmm. We shall see. Problem is the whooooole office is going to be there...hundred of us or so. And they drink. A lot. I have to take work to do in the evenings, if I don't, I will be in the bar. For a solid week. I will come back fat, bloated, in pain, and with a WICKED setback in my desire to be alcohol free in life (or at the very least alcohol reduced). Cuz once I start drinking, once I get the taste of it every night, its hard for me to stop.
On a brighter note, one of my angrylittle clients who lives in Phoenix may come out to the hotel for a little binge party action :) hahah Ill go out drinking one night...thats ok...if she comes, we will have an interesting time for sure. Two freaks in arizona...sweating their asses off hahah...gotta love it ;) Oddly enough, she and I have a lot of the same clothes...if I really like something I duplicate it for myself, and she seems to have similar tastes to mine, cuz I got a few duplicates heheh....gotta make sure I take different clothes! How funny to be wearing the same damn *unique* DIY thing...hah!
Well, the bosses have just informed me that its lunch time. When the bosses say lunch, you say how high. Or something like that....???? Mmmmm food. I miss food.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Powerful Anal Probes????
Yeah yeah...I modeled a corset. Hooray for me. Now I suppose I have to do that all the time...*imagines what little free time left now spent sifting painfully through 100 pictures of self in corsets - UGH*
Haven't been on here in a while. It's not because my brain has finally shut the hell up and left me alone, that's for sure. I've just been so out of control busy. Some days I don't know if I'm coming or going. My head spins like a top...its like, I go to the computer to do something and 4 minutes later I'm still at the computer, doing something...but not what I set out to do...and then I remember that I never did that first thing. I am totally distracted. I'm suprised I can focus enough to complete anything. There is just SO MUCH to be done (I sound like Willy Wonka here...so much to do, must keep moving). As I'm sitting here now I realize I came to the computer to pay the bills. Have I done that yet? Nope. Got distracted. I was actually gonna set them up three days ago. Talk about distraction.
Things are just so strange. I had a panic attack before bed last night. For no apparant reason that I can discern. The auctions ended well...so that wasn't it. I had a corset nearly done that I was working on, I'd actually played Xbox for an hour or so as the auctions ended (Kill all Humans ~ big fun! Nothing like giving those deserving humans an anal probe so powerful that it spits their brains out the other end...hahahaha) Anyway, there I was, getting ready to go to bed and all of a sudden I can't breathe any more. My chest tightened up, I started to feel all whack. Like I said, I wasn't even thinking about all the megapiles of shit I have to think about in my life. I was thinking about powerful anal probes LOL...holy shit, maybe my brains were fixin' to spit out the other end...ack. Well, to make a long story longer, this panic attack freaked me out pretty good. Kept me up a bit later than I cared to be up, cuz I didn't want to go to bed when I couldnt breathe. And I haven't been sleeping for shit lately anyway...so what I needed was LESS sleep, ya know.
I feel like there's a mixmaster in my brain. Usually I have everything WELL under control. Not any more. I'm just flying through all this at about 1000 miles an hour hoping I don't smack into anything as I go. I haven't had a vacation since Christmas...time is now reeling headlong at top speed into August. Maybe I need a vacation. Hahah its not like I'm actually going to REST if I do that. I'll do just like I did at Christmas - sit and sew. Work work work. I don't think I have any other setting any more. Except powerful anal probe. Don't really have a choice tho, eh? The bills won't pay themselves.
Oh shit...the bills...
I'm betting those still won't get paid...
Haven't been on here in a while. It's not because my brain has finally shut the hell up and left me alone, that's for sure. I've just been so out of control busy. Some days I don't know if I'm coming or going. My head spins like a top...its like, I go to the computer to do something and 4 minutes later I'm still at the computer, doing something...but not what I set out to do...and then I remember that I never did that first thing. I am totally distracted. I'm suprised I can focus enough to complete anything. There is just SO MUCH to be done (I sound like Willy Wonka here...so much to do, must keep moving). As I'm sitting here now I realize I came to the computer to pay the bills. Have I done that yet? Nope. Got distracted. I was actually gonna set them up three days ago. Talk about distraction.
Things are just so strange. I had a panic attack before bed last night. For no apparant reason that I can discern. The auctions ended well...so that wasn't it. I had a corset nearly done that I was working on, I'd actually played Xbox for an hour or so as the auctions ended (Kill all Humans ~ big fun! Nothing like giving those deserving humans an anal probe so powerful that it spits their brains out the other end...hahahaha) Anyway, there I was, getting ready to go to bed and all of a sudden I can't breathe any more. My chest tightened up, I started to feel all whack. Like I said, I wasn't even thinking about all the megapiles of shit I have to think about in my life. I was thinking about powerful anal probes LOL...holy shit, maybe my brains were fixin' to spit out the other end...ack. Well, to make a long story longer, this panic attack freaked me out pretty good. Kept me up a bit later than I cared to be up, cuz I didn't want to go to bed when I couldnt breathe. And I haven't been sleeping for shit lately anyway...so what I needed was LESS sleep, ya know.
I feel like there's a mixmaster in my brain. Usually I have everything WELL under control. Not any more. I'm just flying through all this at about 1000 miles an hour hoping I don't smack into anything as I go. I haven't had a vacation since Christmas...time is now reeling headlong at top speed into August. Maybe I need a vacation. Hahah its not like I'm actually going to REST if I do that. I'll do just like I did at Christmas - sit and sew. Work work work. I don't think I have any other setting any more. Except powerful anal probe. Don't really have a choice tho, eh? The bills won't pay themselves.
Oh shit...the bills...
I'm betting those still won't get paid...
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Ms. Potatohead
I dunno. I guess I give up on my dream of modeling my corsets?? Well, maybe not just yet, but soon. It seems I can't lose another pound of weight no matter how hard I try, unless I just give up eating. And starving yourself to death just hurts too damn much. And I couldn't maintain it anyway. *sigh* I guess I'm chubby for life. great. grand. fanfreakingtastic.
I don't know what else is to be done. 4-5 workouts a week, eat right...deny myself everything. No change. Well, a little change. But not enough change.
And as I surf ebay more and more sellers are dropping the mannequins and finding real people to model their clothes on. I can't do it. I am literally all alone here in DC, the only other people I know are my husband and my cat (she thinks shes people, so she counts). No one wants to see my husband in a corset. My cat won't play along. So its me or nobody. And me refuses to cooperate.
*curses body she was born with*
So yeah, I'm just about to give up on the idea that I could model my corsets. Maybe if I sewed up a little *corset extender* LOL...a strip of material with grommets on each side, make each one like a double lace-up, a few more inches of room...nah...the room isnt the problem. its my shape. my fucking short torso...most of my corsets are 13 to 14 inches long...waaay too long for me to wear. and its my lovely potato shape. we have the waify and curveless boy-like shape, we have the perfect hourglass shape, and then we have the potato. Congratulations cindy, you are a potato. No amount of lifting or running or dieting will change your potato to a waif. You may make a smaller potato, but its still just a potato.
Why do I have this overwhelming urge for french fries?
When there's a four inch difference in your bust, waist and hip measurements, youre a potato. You're freakin Ms. Idaho.
So I guess I stick with the mannequin. And watch my sales suffer. It would only be worse with me in them ~ look at this gorgeous corset...so perfectly well made, a work of art...and you too could look like a potato in it, just like me!! *sigh*
I don't know what else is to be done. 4-5 workouts a week, eat right...deny myself everything. No change. Well, a little change. But not enough change.
And as I surf ebay more and more sellers are dropping the mannequins and finding real people to model their clothes on. I can't do it. I am literally all alone here in DC, the only other people I know are my husband and my cat (she thinks shes people, so she counts). No one wants to see my husband in a corset. My cat won't play along. So its me or nobody. And me refuses to cooperate.
*curses body she was born with*
So yeah, I'm just about to give up on the idea that I could model my corsets. Maybe if I sewed up a little *corset extender* LOL...a strip of material with grommets on each side, make each one like a double lace-up, a few more inches of room...nah...the room isnt the problem. its my shape. my fucking short torso...most of my corsets are 13 to 14 inches long...waaay too long for me to wear. and its my lovely potato shape. we have the waify and curveless boy-like shape, we have the perfect hourglass shape, and then we have the potato. Congratulations cindy, you are a potato. No amount of lifting or running or dieting will change your potato to a waif. You may make a smaller potato, but its still just a potato.
Why do I have this overwhelming urge for french fries?
When there's a four inch difference in your bust, waist and hip measurements, youre a potato. You're freakin Ms. Idaho.
So I guess I stick with the mannequin. And watch my sales suffer. It would only be worse with me in them ~ look at this gorgeous corset...so perfectly well made, a work of art...and you too could look like a potato in it, just like me!! *sigh*
Thursday, June 30, 2005
OMG!
My website, angrylittledeadgirl.com, is finally...finished!! I feel a big void in my life...hahah...what am I gonna do with all this spare time I have now???
My husband always says my blogs are so negative. So this one will be positive.
I'm positive I'm losing my mind :) but I have decided on a great *new* direction for my aNGrYGiRL Gear line. Anyone reading who might give a shit hahah...don't worry nothing is changing...things are just going to get bigger and better. And maybe kill me in the process :) But I'm really positive about it!!! Look at all the smileys :) :) :)
Positivity gives me a fucking headache :) But look how happy I am!
The big *event* is tentatively scheduled for August 1, 2005. There's a lot to be done, and its gonna take about every spare second of my time to get to where I need to be by then. That's why its tentative.
Look how positive I am! Positively insane :) :) :) :) :)
Sick of my shit yet? Don't answer that!!! :)
My husband always says my blogs are so negative. So this one will be positive.
I'm positive I'm losing my mind :) but I have decided on a great *new* direction for my aNGrYGiRL Gear line. Anyone reading who might give a shit hahah...don't worry nothing is changing...things are just going to get bigger and better. And maybe kill me in the process :) But I'm really positive about it!!! Look at all the smileys :) :) :)
Positivity gives me a fucking headache :) But look how happy I am!
The big *event* is tentatively scheduled for August 1, 2005. There's a lot to be done, and its gonna take about every spare second of my time to get to where I need to be by then. That's why its tentative.
Look how positive I am! Positively insane :) :) :) :) :)
Sick of my shit yet? Don't answer that!!! :)
Monday, June 27, 2005
I Guess I have to Stop Running...
So I was just watching TV...the news...ugh...while I was running on the treadmill. Yes. Running. Treadmill. Miles. Miles. Hehehe I goddamn nearly kill myself working out and I'm gonna brag about it...thats right. I RUN!!
hahah reminds me of Kid Rock ~ It ain't braggin motherfucker if you back it up.
ANYHOO...watching news...and they come on to say gas prices (currently at $2.45 a gallon for regular unleaded...not the fancy shit either) are going UP! They say that by the fourth of July, gas prices should be at...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
The story went on to say that the fourth of July has now almost taken over Thanksgiving as the biggest travel holiday ever. They also estimate that nearly 600,000 DC residents will be leaving the District this weekend for the holiday (lucky bastards...I'll be here home alone sewing while the man spins rock n roll). Turns out this number is...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
Does anyone here see this correlation? Of course we all do. Its common knowledge that the oil industry and our own government like to fuck us hard at busy travel times. Because we all work so hard all year for our pittance salaries, we deserve a vacation where we get fucked on the cost of that well deserved rest.
That notwithstanding. The report goes on to interview the common *man on the street* to get his opinion of the gas prices and if this news will affect his travel plans. Here is what the common *man on the street* had to say (and this is just before I fell off my treadmill)...
*You know, we are going to put the price of gas in abeyance and travel anyway. They can do what they want with gas prices, we are still going to do what we want to do*
HEY FUCKTARD. THATS WHY THEY KEEP DOING IT TO US.
its just me, isnt it? *sigh* i was shocked he even KNEW how to use the word 'abeyance' correctly. the idiot. i guess i have to stop running...bad for my mental health.
hahah reminds me of Kid Rock ~ It ain't braggin motherfucker if you back it up.
ANYHOO...watching news...and they come on to say gas prices (currently at $2.45 a gallon for regular unleaded...not the fancy shit either) are going UP! They say that by the fourth of July, gas prices should be at...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
The story went on to say that the fourth of July has now almost taken over Thanksgiving as the biggest travel holiday ever. They also estimate that nearly 600,000 DC residents will be leaving the District this weekend for the holiday (lucky bastards...I'll be here home alone sewing while the man spins rock n roll). Turns out this number is...get this
AN ALL TIME HIGH.
all time high. ALL TIME. Thats all time...ever.
Does anyone here see this correlation? Of course we all do. Its common knowledge that the oil industry and our own government like to fuck us hard at busy travel times. Because we all work so hard all year for our pittance salaries, we deserve a vacation where we get fucked on the cost of that well deserved rest.
That notwithstanding. The report goes on to interview the common *man on the street* to get his opinion of the gas prices and if this news will affect his travel plans. Here is what the common *man on the street* had to say (and this is just before I fell off my treadmill)...
*You know, we are going to put the price of gas in abeyance and travel anyway. They can do what they want with gas prices, we are still going to do what we want to do*
HEY FUCKTARD. THATS WHY THEY KEEP DOING IT TO US.
its just me, isnt it? *sigh* i was shocked he even KNEW how to use the word 'abeyance' correctly. the idiot. i guess i have to stop running...bad for my mental health.
What ain't Broke
What's that old saying? Don't mess with it if it ain't broke? Something like that. LOL you can all mess with me then, cuz I'm broke! Hahahah...anyway...I'm toying with the idea of changing the whole format of my Ebay auctions. I'd like to get away from the auction style format and go with a store format with Buy it Now instead. I don't mind the auction format...well, I think the prices get a BIT out of hand sometimes...it IS exciting to sell something for $200 tho, lol...but, it is NOT exciting to sell something that you worked just as hard on for $30 at auction, either. And that's one of my main issues: consistency. I like consistent auction prices. Something around $65 a corset (which is just below my average per-item sale right now) is perfect...I think my corsets are an excellent buy at $65, and for me, that constitutes an excellent sale. So mutual benefit for all, right?
Well, not necessarily. Here is where I get really scared. I really can't produce more product than I am doing right now. I am maxed out on my time and potential. If I didn't have a day job, I could certainly produce more product, but I can't *as I have reiterated 10000 times or so* replace my salary with DIY....so I'm stuck with this being the best I can do. Say I open a store, with 6 corsets, BIN at $65....and in 2 days, they are all bought?? Well, I certainly could NOT complain if that miracle happened...a good deal all around...however...I now have NO stock displayed. What about miss newbie ebayer who is dying for some high quality DIY....surfs over to my store for the first time ever, and finds it empty. and empty for the next five days. I just lost a potential client. She may have LOOOOVED angrygirl gear and would have been a loyal, wonderful, superfreakyfast paying customer. But she surfed on over to someone else's site, someone who HAD some stock to display, and now she's hooked over there. Bah.
What to do what to do what to do. I could say take a week or two off from ebay, sew my little ass *hahahahahah I mean LARGE ass* off and make maybe 15 items or so, as initial stock for the store, replace item by item as things are sold. And from that point on, immediately list everything i make as i complete it. so it would be like, i would list something new every night or so...
i cant afford to take two weeks off right now, maybe soon. maybe im just nuts and trying to fuck around with what aint broke. But id sure like to have a fixed value for my product...just like in a real store, instead of sitting there, biting my nails every week, wondering if its gonna be a winner week or a loser week. cuz thats just stressful, especially when rent is due in four days and you're a few hundred bucks from making it. not to mention the stress of trying to get listings up every week. A store sounds like Nirvana to me right now (the happy afterlife nirvana, not the depressed suicidal seattle nirvana).
i guess i should think about it :)
Any comments on the matter will certainly be appreciated and will be taken into full consideration :) HELP ME HERE IM DROWNING IN INDECISION!!!
Well, not necessarily. Here is where I get really scared. I really can't produce more product than I am doing right now. I am maxed out on my time and potential. If I didn't have a day job, I could certainly produce more product, but I can't *as I have reiterated 10000 times or so* replace my salary with DIY....so I'm stuck with this being the best I can do. Say I open a store, with 6 corsets, BIN at $65....and in 2 days, they are all bought?? Well, I certainly could NOT complain if that miracle happened...a good deal all around...however...I now have NO stock displayed. What about miss newbie ebayer who is dying for some high quality DIY....surfs over to my store for the first time ever, and finds it empty. and empty for the next five days. I just lost a potential client. She may have LOOOOVED angrygirl gear and would have been a loyal, wonderful, superfreakyfast paying customer. But she surfed on over to someone else's site, someone who HAD some stock to display, and now she's hooked over there. Bah.
What to do what to do what to do. I could say take a week or two off from ebay, sew my little ass *hahahahahah I mean LARGE ass* off and make maybe 15 items or so, as initial stock for the store, replace item by item as things are sold. And from that point on, immediately list everything i make as i complete it. so it would be like, i would list something new every night or so...
i cant afford to take two weeks off right now, maybe soon. maybe im just nuts and trying to fuck around with what aint broke. But id sure like to have a fixed value for my product...just like in a real store, instead of sitting there, biting my nails every week, wondering if its gonna be a winner week or a loser week. cuz thats just stressful, especially when rent is due in four days and you're a few hundred bucks from making it. not to mention the stress of trying to get listings up every week. A store sounds like Nirvana to me right now (the happy afterlife nirvana, not the depressed suicidal seattle nirvana).
i guess i should think about it :)
Any comments on the matter will certainly be appreciated and will be taken into full consideration :) HELP ME HERE IM DROWNING IN INDECISION!!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Guilt
Ya know, I've done some pretty horrible things in my life. Very few things. But the few were really really REALLY bad. And you know I am totally overwhelmed with guilt...not for those horrible doings...but because I ate a snack bag of Funions last night. And a sugar cookie. One. And drank three beers. Wtf is wrong with me that I can't for once in a month enjoy a little snack food without having to drag around this lead coat of guilt for every damn morsel I put in my mouth? Sometimes...and this is scaring me...sometimes I have to resist the urge to go purge it all after I eat. I know that will eventually kill me if I start that habit (thats also why I stay away from the heroin) but I am SOOOO tempted. so tempted.
It is easier to NOT eat than to live with the guilt of actually having eaten.
For those of you who are naturally thin, or can eat whatever you want and not gain weight, or who have never had a weight problem: Fuck you. No offense *hahahah that sounds contradictory as hell* but live a day in my shoes. Fuck. You.
*ok ok...probably too harsh*
*reels self in*
Its just so frustrating. It's always been so frustrating. I've struggled with this for my ENTIRE LIFE. Well ever since the day I was about 10 and the constant media brainwashing finally convinced me that I was fat and ugly and would never find a man and that I had to go on a diet *for life* and lose 10 more pounds and....and...and... You know. Since then. And it really helps that I make clothing that, while I CAN wear it, does not look exceptionally flattering on me. I can't model what I create. I have to use a mannequin. If I modeled it, no one would buy it. They'd be all like....I don't want to go out looking like a chubbass! OH to be 5'10 and a 100 pound anorexic with no curves, so that I could make my shit look good. If I ever find that genie in a bottle, thats one of the three wishes. The other two wishes are 1) Bill Gates' money and 2) hair that is always long and perpetually braided and always looks good.
But until I find that genie....I get guilt.
It is easier to NOT eat than to live with the guilt of actually having eaten.
For those of you who are naturally thin, or can eat whatever you want and not gain weight, or who have never had a weight problem: Fuck you. No offense *hahahah that sounds contradictory as hell* but live a day in my shoes. Fuck. You.
*ok ok...probably too harsh*
*reels self in*
Its just so frustrating. It's always been so frustrating. I've struggled with this for my ENTIRE LIFE. Well ever since the day I was about 10 and the constant media brainwashing finally convinced me that I was fat and ugly and would never find a man and that I had to go on a diet *for life* and lose 10 more pounds and....and...and... You know. Since then. And it really helps that I make clothing that, while I CAN wear it, does not look exceptionally flattering on me. I can't model what I create. I have to use a mannequin. If I modeled it, no one would buy it. They'd be all like....I don't want to go out looking like a chubbass! OH to be 5'10 and a 100 pound anorexic with no curves, so that I could make my shit look good. If I ever find that genie in a bottle, thats one of the three wishes. The other two wishes are 1) Bill Gates' money and 2) hair that is always long and perpetually braided and always looks good.
But until I find that genie....I get guilt.
Friday, June 17, 2005
I'm just sooo.....
Frustrated. Mad, angry...upset...frustrated. Its been four weeks now of extra workouts, eating right, denying all my cravings...for a three pound loss!! Three measley little pounds. Ok, I'll admit I'd rather not have the three pounds back. But three?? In a month? If only you could come crawl into my world for a second and see how good I've been. You'd know I deserve better from my body than this. I've been fucking golden girl. In the last month I've had ONE sugar cookie. A month ago, that would have been considered a feat for a DAY, not a month. In the last month, I've been out drinking...*counts*...four times. And I've kept my consumption to a really reasonable level. Four drinking nights would have been a holiday weekend a month ago. And I've upped my gym time from 3 times a week to 5 (and my legs huuuurt for it too). I've gone from 30 minutes of cardio per gym visit to 45 - 50 minutes on a few days.
All for three pounds. Three little rat bastard pounds. And I bet they came from my boobs too, and not my ass. *grumble*
Ok enough complaining. I guess I'm gonna keep on with this business a little longer. No sense in returning to bad habits. Christ. This time last year I was 127 pounds. ARGH. What the jesus tap dancing christ is wrong with my body??
What was that I said about enough complaining?
Thank god I found my hair yesterday. The place I went to for rebraiding jacked it up so bad I thought I was gonna die. One side of my hair was 2 to 2 1/2 inches longer than the other side! It sloped down my back at an angle *sigh*. And it was so short I was like...where is the hair???
So I went back yesterday and said, *we got a problem* and showed them the difference in length...and the owner said *yep we got a problem* *oy* so they took out the curl from the bottom (boom hair came back nice and long) and cut it straight. Now its down almost to my waist (where it should be and not all the way up to my breasts) and looks about 10000 times freakier. I was worried there for a bit. Really really worried. I always get nervous when I hear the people behind me using scissors...ack!!
Back to work....
hahahah
All for three pounds. Three little rat bastard pounds. And I bet they came from my boobs too, and not my ass. *grumble*
Ok enough complaining. I guess I'm gonna keep on with this business a little longer. No sense in returning to bad habits. Christ. This time last year I was 127 pounds. ARGH. What the jesus tap dancing christ is wrong with my body??
What was that I said about enough complaining?
Thank god I found my hair yesterday. The place I went to for rebraiding jacked it up so bad I thought I was gonna die. One side of my hair was 2 to 2 1/2 inches longer than the other side! It sloped down my back at an angle *sigh*. And it was so short I was like...where is the hair???
So I went back yesterday and said, *we got a problem* and showed them the difference in length...and the owner said *yep we got a problem* *oy* so they took out the curl from the bottom (boom hair came back nice and long) and cut it straight. Now its down almost to my waist (where it should be and not all the way up to my breasts) and looks about 10000 times freakier. I was worried there for a bit. Really really worried. I always get nervous when I hear the people behind me using scissors...ack!!
Back to work....
hahahah
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Wheeee its Ebullying on Ebay!
Ya know, I thought about it even more *this blog further references the Death of Professionalism blog below, so read it too heh*. It's not just a lack of professionalism going on here. Its also bullying, pure and simple.
Pushing little children
With their fully automatics
They like to push the weak around
Why do I say that? Well, first off, as I mentioned in the previous post, the *big name* powerseller DIYers *at least believe* that they have some influence in the DIY community (do they or dont they is purely up to supposition, I guess. For example, if you read someting Shrinkle posts on her About Me page, and it causes you to feel or behave in a certain way, then that's influence). So by posting a message on an About Me page that basically says *do not buy from anyone whose work even remotely resembles mine* sellers are using their influence, either perceived or actual, to cause a potential buyer to stay away from another seller.
Why would anyone purposely try to hurt the sales of another DIY seller? What is the gain in that? The existence of other sellers doesnt HURT any other seller. In fact, it helps the market. Competition brings variety, which brings more interest from buyers - many of whom may not have even known DIY clothing was available on ebay...which brings more potential customers. And more sales. Additionally, for most DIY sellers, this is all they do for a living. This is a full time job. So we have powersellers (btw that means theyre already successful...they're making $$, they have an established client base) who are using their influence to steer buyers away from sellers who are trying to get established in the market, who are not yet so successful, who have not yet built up a client base. Beyond unprofessional, beyond bullying...thats just plain irresponsible and, well, petty.
As I said before, if you're successful, you're going to see your work mirrored in the work of others...its a pitfall of success...
I mean, if you're lucky in this game too...
there's gonna be another cat comin' out, looking like you, sounding like you next year, I know this.
There'll be a flipside to what you did, somebody else trying to spin off like some series...
That's what happens. That's what happens with success....that's life. Get over it. Or IGNORE it. And move on. Do your thing, try to improve on your thing. Make your thing better. Stay ahead of them...push yourself to do something new and better rather than stagnating and complaining that everyone else is doing the same thing you are. Push your boundaries past them, rather than trying to defend the boundaries you *claim* as yours.
See, I was just surfing ebay and came across more of these petty little *im being copied* rants...
And every time I see one...I just want to throw something or strangle someone...wanting so bad to knock some sense into some twenty-something-year-old ego-absorbed little girls. But instead I think I'm gonna just ignore it from now on. I think. Maybe I'll go surf Overstock.com or something...geebus.
Ok, maybe I'm done with this topic, maybe not. But for now I'm going to over to my sewing machine and take my own advice :) Gonna go see if I can push my boundaries and stay ahead of MY competition *oy*
Pushing little children
With their fully automatics
They like to push the weak around
Why do I say that? Well, first off, as I mentioned in the previous post, the *big name* powerseller DIYers *at least believe* that they have some influence in the DIY community (do they or dont they is purely up to supposition, I guess. For example, if you read someting Shrinkle posts on her About Me page, and it causes you to feel or behave in a certain way, then that's influence). So by posting a message on an About Me page that basically says *do not buy from anyone whose work even remotely resembles mine* sellers are using their influence, either perceived or actual, to cause a potential buyer to stay away from another seller.
Why would anyone purposely try to hurt the sales of another DIY seller? What is the gain in that? The existence of other sellers doesnt HURT any other seller. In fact, it helps the market. Competition brings variety, which brings more interest from buyers - many of whom may not have even known DIY clothing was available on ebay...which brings more potential customers. And more sales. Additionally, for most DIY sellers, this is all they do for a living. This is a full time job. So we have powersellers (btw that means theyre already successful...they're making $$, they have an established client base) who are using their influence to steer buyers away from sellers who are trying to get established in the market, who are not yet so successful, who have not yet built up a client base. Beyond unprofessional, beyond bullying...thats just plain irresponsible and, well, petty.
As I said before, if you're successful, you're going to see your work mirrored in the work of others...its a pitfall of success...
I mean, if you're lucky in this game too...
there's gonna be another cat comin' out, looking like you, sounding like you next year, I know this.
There'll be a flipside to what you did, somebody else trying to spin off like some series...
That's what happens. That's what happens with success....that's life. Get over it. Or IGNORE it. And move on. Do your thing, try to improve on your thing. Make your thing better. Stay ahead of them...push yourself to do something new and better rather than stagnating and complaining that everyone else is doing the same thing you are. Push your boundaries past them, rather than trying to defend the boundaries you *claim* as yours.
See, I was just surfing ebay and came across more of these petty little *im being copied* rants...
And every time I see one...I just want to throw something or strangle someone...wanting so bad to knock some sense into some twenty-something-year-old ego-absorbed little girls. But instead I think I'm gonna just ignore it from now on. I think. Maybe I'll go surf Overstock.com or something...geebus.
Ok, maybe I'm done with this topic, maybe not. But for now I'm going to over to my sewing machine and take my own advice :) Gonna go see if I can push my boundaries and stay ahead of MY competition *oy*
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