I'm Not Really in the Mood

Its 10:30 on a Friday night, and I'm home alone, sober, and bored out of my mind. I could be working, in fact, I have a massive volume of orders to work on, and ebay listings right now are waaaaay out of the question, yet here I sit. I've sewn nonstop every day for I think the last 20 or 25 days, and I DID do some work tonight...I had to alter a corset for someone, took a few hours...packed up some orders to ship....but I'm not really in the mood....

It's ok to take a little time off every once in a while, right? sure.

I think I might turn on Everquest II for a bit and go kill some evil shit. Oh wait, my character is an evil shit, so maybe I should go kill good things...hmmmm....

It would certainly relieve the boredom. Wow, I bet you're bored just reading this. I mean for once I'm not pissed as hell about something (well I am, I always have a good rant in me, but tonight im not really in the mood), I haven't caused any major controversy *yet* - although I did just join a new forum as angrylittledeadgirl...another geek forum...and oh yeah, they did something that pissed me off and I had to write a small nastygram to the forum owner...LOL damn, my husband is right, I really AM a bitch...hahah..but right now, I'm not really in the mood...

My job has been keeping me pretty busy. That's been kinda nice, cuz boredom such as this usually makes the day go longer.

Maybe I should just go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of wine....

*slaps alcoholic down*

Ehhh...that's ok, actually, I'm not really in the mood. Think I'm just gonna sit here and stare...

What the hell kind of blog entry is this anyway? I guess I'm just not really....oh fuck it nm :)

I am a Husky Hypocrite!!

oooh no space limit today...haha...maybe you might wanna go get a snack or something and come back to this. Cuz today I'm really upset at gym clothing manufacturers. Yeah you read that right. And maybe the whole garment industry in general (looks around, halo on head)...

So I wanted some UnderArmor to work out in. Its a brand of athletic clothing - you know, *Protect this House* or some shit.... Anyway, I went to the local sporting goods store, gobs of money in hand, ready to purchase their overpriced clothing. I got to the rack. I really need some shorts - the ones I have I bought at a place called Ames for like $4 a pair - Ames is now pretty much out of business, but they are one of those places like Walmart or KMart, only they make Walmart look like Sachs fucking 5th Avenue... Anyway, searching through the shorts for my size...small, no...medium, no...large, well probably not...oooh extra large!!

...and pulled out a pair of shorts... EXTRA LARGE... that would not fit on my cat. Seriously. Grabbing each end of the top of these shorts with both hands...my hands could not have been 8 inches apart... Now, they ARE that stretchy lycra shit, so I said hmmm...maybe... and tried to stretch out one of the legs. Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING on my body would fit through that hole, fully stretched.

Need I say it again...extra large...there I said it again. extra. fucking. large. I was in a foul mood to begin with, because I was shopping instead of at home in my cave in front of the computer, and I pretty much lost it right there in the store. I was ready to march right up to... well, some damn teenager making minium wage and wishing they were home and not at that store working... to have them explain to me how in god's green acres these shorts were an extra large. I wanted them to explain to me why clothing manufacturers think women... curvaceous beautiful women... should fucking look like malnourished stick figures. Extra large!! What the fuck is the girl in the size small supposed to weigh or look like????? OMFG if you fit into the small, you're already 3/4 dead, on a respirator, and being fed intraveinously.

So you say, well, these are gym clothes. Obviously any woman in a gym is a size one. She works out. BING. You're wrong. Yeah there are a few stick figures walking around my gym. Then there are a lot of girls working on what they view as their shortcomings - their curves - and they need gym clothes too, and they aren't getting them from this manufacturer, let me tell you. Then there are girls like me (well just a few unfortunate ones) who have that weird body style (mesomorphic...a nice synonym I found in the thesaurus is HUSKY...THANKS) where we work out and gain muscle mass, not as bad as a man...but close. Yeah, I am one buff & bulky bitch....*husky*...again, thanks for that. Always have been. I have HUGE quads and hamstrings from my years of acrobatics, track, cross country, and mountain bike racing. I have a huge butt from same (and from genetics... thanks mom and grandma). I spend hours upon hours upon hours in the gym...and I will NEVER ever ever ever ever ever ever fit into those extra large workout shorts. Never. Even at my thinnest, when I was mountain biking my ass off every day, I wouldn't have fit into those shorts. I'd have still split them up the middle.

*sigh* I wish women designed workout clothes. Seriously. Men just want the stick figure with the tiny little round ass and the perfect little stick legs... and even if thats NOT what they want, they figure thats the only kind of girl they want to actually see running around in lycra shorts at their gym. Girls like me...no thanks, they'd rather vomit...so they arent going to design shit for me. Please buy that husky girl some baggy sweat pants so we dont have to see THAT.

Women come in all fucking shapes and fucking sizes...unless you work for UnderArmor. Then women only come in puny. Good for them. I went and looked at their workout tops too...I wont EVEN tell how well they will NOT fit over my fucking husky arms.... Back to the Ames for me!!!

Yeah I just went and looked at the sizes of corsets I make. The hypcrisy is not lost on me. Then again, I never said I didn't suck. I suck. *sigh*

The first day of spring! Yay! Right now I'm standing on the platform waiting for my *once again* late train...in less than 20 degree temperatures...waiting oh so impatiently for this so-called *spring* bullshit to actually spring. Supposed to snow several inches this afternoon, too...

Haha blogging on the train platform out in the freezing cold. Technology is a hell of a thing. Pretty soon I'll be able to give live updates to this blog right as shit happens...

Aw hell just hit the space limit-NO FAIR!!

Update...angrylittledeadgirl Given Reprieve on blackberryforums.com...

Please see blog posted below if you're lost :)

Results of *case* for angrylittledeadgirl presented to site owner:

The owner says you should stay on. We all did not realize you had a business around this name. While some are offended many are not and we would like you to stay around. I have enclosed a tips doc for you. We are sorry if we upset you.

Hell of a welcome wagon committee. I still don't understand the problem, or how my having a business named angrylittledeadgirl makes the problem ok.

I know I live in an alternate universe. But I don't think I'm THAT far gone...seriously...is there something offensive about angrylittledeadgirl that I'm missing??? Am I THAT far out of the loop of reality???

Let me know....

angrylittledeadgirl Banned from blackberryforums.com!!

I got a blackberry (gonna call it BB so I don't have to type that 100 times) last week. I really need to be in contact at all times with my email and my internet business, so it made logical sense, when our cell phone contracts expired, to get a BB. Its a neat little device, I must say, but not too user friendly sometimes.

Well, I had the BB for one whole day and, as we all do, I wanted to personalize it by downloading some cool desktop wallpapers. My husband has this .gif on his new phone, it actually looks like a concert is going on...and it made me think of a cute .gif I saw on a myspace profile...a little line-drawn kitten jumping and batting away at a little moth. I still had it saved, so I got on the BB, downloaded it, and was all set to make it my desktop...

...and as soon as I opened the pictures file, the BB crashed. Shut off...died. Ooops. Somehow that .gif file was not a good one to use, for it did not play nice with the BB. I tried again...went to open the picture file...and crashed again. So the logical explanation is to delete the .gif file, right? Sure. Can't do it in BB unless...drum roll please...you can get the damn pictures file open!! *sigh*

Now unlike your home PC and some phones (like my husband's), you can't hook your BB up to a PC and *explore it* - like open folders up, find the bad .gif and remove it. So I was kind of stuck. I did a google search and came up with blackberryforums.com. I went there to check it out, the forum was alive and seemed to be pretty helpful, so I registered with the forum, username what???

yep, angrylittledeadgirl

and posted my problem. Got a lot of good suggestions, especially since I'm still new at BB...

Then I got a *private email*....eh oh. From a moderator asking me to change my user name before the other moderators got together and decided it HAD to be changed. Why?? dunno. I ignored it and went on with life, because there is nothing AT ALL wrong with the username angrylittledeadgirl. Its not offensive...so wtf??

Of course, now I get this email:

The moderators agree that they would like to change your account name. I guess a moderator has to do that. Please suggest something and I will ask that it get done.

*sigh* and here is my response, sent back to our moderator friend with all speed:

Personally, I don't see what the problem is with my username. Thats the user name Ive used for 1000 years on just about every forum Ive ever been on, it is my business account name on ebay, it is even my BUSINESS WEBSITE url, for christs sake. There are no offensive words of a sexual, racist, religious, or derogatory nature in that ID, so I don't see the problem.

My posts may help other BB users solve what was a rather tricky and difficult little problem. I think downloading a corrupt file is a pretty common occurence, and BB is not too user friendly in allowing access to those files. But if you want to delete a post that could possibly help future users, that is your business. I refuse to change my user name simply because someone sees it as *weird* - for that must be the case, as there is no other explanation for your decision.

You may delete my account in full from your forum, for I have no interest in dealing with closed-minded individuals.

Have a good day.

I know my response pretty much sums it up so I have little to add, but I must still ask, WTF? What the FUCK is wrong with the user name angrylittledeadgirl??? Fucking closed minded techogeek fucking idiots....

Yes, I did get my BB up and running again. In a moment of clarity I realized if I renamed a *safe* .gif file to the same name as the corrupted file, uploaded it and overwrote the bad file, I'd be all good to go again. I even posted my solution on the forum for the world to see. Trying to pay it forward and help others. That's what I get for that.

I'm off now to register as angrylittledeadgirl in EVERY forum I can find...

An Ebay Feedback Primer

See Jane run. Run, Jane, run. See Jane buy stuff on eBay. Bid, Jane, bid! See Jane get awesome DIY item in mail. Wow, Jane! You look tough in that! See Jane leave feedback....

Err uh something like that. I feel like being a bitch today and complaining about things that I suppose I don't really need to be complaining about. But damn it, the feedback on eBay...when I actually RECEIVE it...can be really really really and I do mean REALLY lame...

As a foreward to this primer, allow me to educate Jane on that spectacular DIY item she just won from me....lets call it a corset just to make it easy. That corset didn't come from a store. That corset didn't magically come out of my ass when I twiddled my nose, either. See Cindy shit a corset... hahah...fuck...anyway... That corset was the product of about eight hours of actual human effort, otherwise known as work. MY actual human effort, a.k.a work, to be exact. I sat in front of a hot (yes, they get HOT) sewing machine for that entire duration of time, cutting material, sewing it together, designing and redesigning....measuring, designing again, retooling, cursing, screaming, repairing the machine, redesigning some more.... you get the picture.

I put a lot of care and effort in my work. I strive for a professional level of quality at all times. I strive for perfection at all times. I seriously sweat the little details, I go to lengths to make sure that the design is wearable, comfortable, and might be something that Jane will actually be able to use, and continue to use for a long time to come...

...and Jane gets her corset. Jane likes it a lot. And Jane leaves feedback for her corset:

Great Seller. An asset to ebay. Superfast shipping. A+++. Just as Described.

*sigh*

Yeah its positive feedback. And its all great stuff. These are things that you'd love to have in your seller profile...if you were selling STORE merchandise ~ you know, stuff that's mass manufactured that you can buy anywhere. Like say its a Mudvayne CD that you could buy just about anywhere. It's to a seller's benefit in this case to be speedy, etc because there are so many different choices available to the Mudvayne CD buyer...you have to have something special to offer the buyer to get them to buy from you.

Its different with DIY. The goals are different because the desires of the buyer are different. What I have to offer thats special is NOT my speedy delivery. It's not that I'm an honest seller, and an asset to ebay ~ while all these things are true, its NOT why Jane bought from me. Jane bought from me because she saw something unique and different that she's not gonna find anywhere else ever. And the reason she's going to come back to me when she wants more DIY is because now that she has my lovely handcrafted item in her hand, she can see the qualities that make my items something that buyers would desire over other similar items:

...these qualities she sees are NOT my speedy shipping, or my reputation as a great ebayer...

These qualities are the precision stitching, the nice straight seams, the quality of the design elements themselves, the obvious care and attention to detail put into this garment. She can tell this garment is going to last her more than 5 minutes. She can tell this garment is even of a higher quality than the stuff she buys at the mall...

This is what other buyers NEED TO HEAR about Jane's DIY buying experience. Not the generic *great ebayer fast shipping* bullshit, because those are not the qualities that distinguish good DIY from bad.

Yep, I'm being bitchy today. But, as I like to say, its MY blog. I can say what I want...

1. Please stop telling me I ship fast. I ship fast because I myself am an instant gratification girl and its nearly impossible for me to wait 3 days for my purchased items. I don't want my buyers to wait, especially when I hate to wait. I've actually considered delaying shipping by three or four days just so I never EVER EVER have to see SUPERFAST SHIPPING on my feedback again. The space could be put to much better use.

2. What the fuck is the A++++++++++++++++++ shit all about anyway? I can see giving a grade, say A+. But then we have what, 15 spaces left and nothing more to say, so we all just decide to fill in with an asspile of pluses? Why can't we think of something more to say...? Maybe something about quality...?? Its a start.

3. What is a *great ebayer* ??? Define that for me. If you do, you will realize you already said it in the rest of the feedback. A great ebayer is someone who ships fast, describes accurately...blah blah...all that shit you just said in the remaining body of your feedback.

4. Stuck for ideas for what to write in feedback? Write down the first words you uttered when you opened your package. Mention something about the quality of your item. Tell other potential buyers how you feel about your new DIY item. If some aspect of the item is outstanding - the design, the feel of the material, the stitching quality, the fit - mention it!

And of course, if your DIY experience sucked out loud, feel free to tell potential buyers that shipping was slow, it was not at all as described, seller is a rotten ebayer, F-----------------------------------------.

*sigh*

It just hurts my feelings a bit, that's all...so fucking much exhaustive work, so much detail work, soooo so so so so SO MUCH WORK...but I ship fast :S

REPOST THIS OR DIE!!!!

It's just one of those days, damn it. I am absolutely bored stiff. I'm checking my email every four seconds to see if someone, ANYONE, has written me anything that I can read to entertain myself for four seconds. I'm so desperate I'm like, "YAY SPAM" and even reading stuff out of my junk mail folder. Its kind of a good thing I'm doing that...one of the emails in my folder is from this Prince in Nigeria. Apparantly he has 30 million dollars that belonged to an American couple that died in a fiery car crash there. Why they had their 30 million with them while visiting Nigeria, I will never know, but apparantly they left no heirs. So he needs my help transferring the 30 mil out of his country and if I let him use my bank account, he will give me 10% of the money!!!

To think I'd have missed that offer, had I not been bored to tears and reading my junk email! I will have to remember to respond to that one...

10% of 30 mil is like, what $300 right? Hell, I wouldn't pass on that opportunity.... :)

Boredom tends to make me silly. I'm also surfing MySpace looking for ANY sign of life....have I no friends that are online right now??? None??? What the fuck? I guess they must all think they have *lives* or something...pish... So I'm running around leaving assinine comments on everyone's page. Things they wouldn't want their mother's to read... so you know, I post them in a public forum for the world to view. I thought I might also post a few bulletins...you know, something like *repost this or you will have bad luck in love for 27 years* or *if you dont repost in one minute, the ghost of Lucy Furr will come to your window and smile at you*, something like that. One of my favorites was a warning that if you didnt repost in one minute, your father would die. I didn't repost. Then waited by the phone. Like he'd call me as he was dying to say, *I'm dying...why the FUCK didn't you repost, you asshole?* The phone didn't ever ring, but then again, I haven't heard from him since, so who knows how that went down...

Before you get all panicky, I'm pretty sure he's still alive. So don't worry. Unless you got that bulletin, too, and didn't repost...cuz then you might wanna start worrying ;)

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been so sick, soooo sick. I haven't been to the gym all week. I haven't eaten much except chocolate (I love comfort food when I'm sick, and have no will power at all). My coworker just got back from San Fran last week, where it appears they have the best chocolate EVER (I must say it IS good) so we have been chowing down here in the computer lab. Eat a bar of chocolate, do a little work. Eat a bar of chocolate, do a little work. Hack, cough, sneeze, wipe wipe wipe repeat as necessary. I did get back to sewing two nights ago...I hope I can get some good shit ready to list for Monday. I feel naked without listings.

Speaking of naked....

Moxie, climb out of the gutter....

...eh, never mind. You can stay in the gutter. I could use the company down here ;)

As an aside, I promised Moxie I'd wear pink if she pitched a few home runs for me...of course if she did that, I wouldn't be wearing the pink shit for long...one or two minutes (seconds?) tops....*sigh*

And to those of you whose minds I just boggled, oh well. She got the joke because I can see the milk spewing out her nose from here... I need to go sew now. So go sew now.

I'm a Biohazard

I've been sick. Oh so very sick. But I'm thinking I'm on the downhill side of this mess, fixin to get better. I haven't sewn a thing in a week. Its really hard to sew when your nose is dripping, and you're coughing, hacking, sneezing...etc etc.

I got to see SugarKitty again this last weekend! YAY! Of course, since we don't get to Pittsburgh often, my husband had to turn it into a *we have to see everyone we know TONIGHT* kind of thing, so I'm shuffling her and her husband around to see every goddamn person we know in Pittsburgh... its really hard to try to converse with poeople when there are only 10 or 15 other people around trying to converse with you, too. We gotta just start focusing on one or two people at a time. Crowds scare me. Even crowds of my own friends. And I was sick too, really sick.... I did my best to hold myself together and have fun for the weekend. I really could have used a handfull of drugs, a warm comfy bed, a blankie and a purry kitty.... hehehe.... but we had fun, and got to get away from work, even if for just one evening.

My Dell came Friday night. I was so sick, I just took it out of the box, set it up, installed Everquest 2 and stared at it. While dripping snot all over the place. Its really nice when you get a brand new 19 inch widescreen flat panel monitor, and fucking SNEEZE all over it within 10 seconds of removing it from the box. I'm so brilliant, I didn't even try to cover the sneeze. I was simply NOT using my brain, I had to sneeze and let it go...three times...right at the monitor...

I ought to have to wear a sign....

So this morning I'm on the train, and I always sit in the very last car because its the *quiet* car - which means I don't have to spend my 30 minute ride into the heart of the DC cesspool listening to 5 or 6 fucks chatting away on their fucking cell fucking phones - and we pull in to the station so far back that the door to our car is blocked by this fence - about 3 feet high... Well, if the door isnt accessible, that means we have to wait to go out via the door of one of the cars in front of us. Have you ever been on an airplane? You know what its like waiting for everyone to get off the airplane at the end of the flight? Well, trains are the same way. And if you have to wait for 2 cars to unload AHEAD of you before you can even get to the door, you're gonna be 15 minutes or more late to work.

So I looked out our door and saw the fence. Turned to the old guy next to me and said, "We could jump that fence." He looked at the fence, stuck his head out the door and looked for the conductor, then threw his bag over the fence and climbed it!! HAHAH!! An old guy, even! Well, not one to sit and wait 15 to 20 minutes for a train to unload my own self, and certainly not one to be outdone by an old guy, I tossed my bag over the fence, followed by my fat ass, and joined him! We looked behind us and not one of the other 100 chickenshits on that car followed us. hehehe.... I was already at work and I bet they were still waiting to detrain...

My goofy story for the day.

Yes, I take any opportunity to buck authority. As the Biohazard song goes, fuck the rules :)

Haven't got much more to talk about that doesn't involve sneezing, snot, coughing, hacking, mucus, phlegm, headaches, stomach troubles, or lack of sleep, so I think I'm gonna sign off and get back to that.... hahah...

Blah Blah Yadda Yadda...

Yeah so I bought a computer the other day. DUDE, I'm getting a DELL...hahah. Blech. Actually it is a Dell, a top of the line gaming computer....*drools* I won't bore with the tech specs, although they ARE impressive, because like only me and three other people care. But it is a sick, SICK machine....hehehe....

And someone must now tell me where I'm gonna find the $3500 to pay off this computer in one year. Thirty five MOTHERFUCKING hundered dollars....thats a LOT of corsets....I guess I better get to sewing.

You know what I hate? This is my blog so I can write all about it if I want, right? I hate people who don't return emails. I really hate that. See, lots of times I'll be surfing ebay trying to find something to satiate my buying appetite...and Ill stumble on something a DIYer made that will just astound me in some way or another. And I will send that person a compliment. *WOW great stuff* *These (fill in blank) are totally awesome!* Stuff like that. It's one of the few positive things I do. And it ain't much. But you know, I never hear back from like 50% of the sellers I send those emails to....

Now if someone sends me a compliment like that, I take 4 seconds out of my busy day and write them back a thank you...nothing huge usually, just a *Hey thanks for the nice words* and maybe a funny story that goes along with the item in question...for it seems I have a never ending supply of funny stories to go along with items....but anyway.... I would never ever ever let a compliment go unanswered. When I don't hear back from people that I write to, I start to feel like perhaps they are too good to respond. Like they read the email and said to themselves, *Yep, those (fill in the blank) really ARE totally awesome. I rule the planet* and then they delete it and move on to the next email.

Says a lot about their character...or mabe it says a lot about their email service provider...hahah...who knows...but I hate it nonetheless.

You know what else I don't understand? Drama over men. Ladies....lets face the truth. Men will do or say whatever they can to get down as many pair of panties as they can. They are not even that selective, ok? They don't care. So thinking that you won some prize by sleeping with some guy...and then rubbing it in his ex-girlfriend's face? No prize, babe. Quite sad, really. Oh I could go on and on here...but the whole story is none of my business, I'm only told about it peripherally, I only read the blogs these girls choose to post... I will actually take the high road for once and leave the really harsh comments to myself....

Damn it I'm going to explode. But I won't do it. I won't.

You know what else I hate? Going to the gym every fucking day only to gain weight. I really hate that. But its time for me to go once again. Torture my old ass so that I can only gain 3 pounds this week instead of 5....YAY!!!!

Ok...ok...maybe this guy IS a prize for the level of trailer trash this girl is...I mean, how good of a catch to you expect to haul in when you already have four kids with god knows how many babydaddies ? (4 max, im betting)....

...

I NEED TO SPEND DAMNIT

I want to buy something. I am spend-needy. I hate it when I get like this. I can't spend enough money, and of course the things you buy give you like 4 seconds of gratification, then you want to buy something else...

...must be close to that time of month again *checks calendar...fuck...yep*

Actually, I really do need to purchase a computer. And my husband is on board with the idea, pretty much, so you'd think I'd have bought one, wouldn't you? Our main computer is four years old...which sounds really bad except that when I bought it, it was SICK...totally beyond the cutting edge of technology. I had it custom built :) Today, its not a monster any more, but its as good as the new stuff you can buy from Dell or Gateway for $600.... My laptop is just as old, and doesn't perform well except to get on the internet any more. My husband's laptop is so sad it runs Windows 98...hahah...and it does get on the internet and stuff just fine...

But I have a spendy need...and a need for speed....and a need for a new SICK machine...

Dell has a nice new laptop thats not *sick* but its as powerful as a workstation...I bought two of them for my computer lab (typing on it now) and they are really nice. They will run my graphics programs and games (most importantly games) just fine. But then I found alienware, and for a mere $5000 (!!!!!!) I can have a top of the line, fucking SICK gaming computer - laptop or desktop really, my choice...

Eh. If only I had $5000. Sure I can finance it. At 1000000000% interest over 30 years...Ugh.

So yeah, I've not yet purchased a computer. Can't afford what I want, and once I saw the alienware computers, my interest in all other systems pretty much took a dive.

I also want some new clothes. More DIY. I'm bored with everything I have now :) so I've returned to scouring the DIY market for acceptable clothing. Ugh again. Hard to find good stuff to choose from. I'm so tired of Tshirt altered items I could just die. I can't even bring msyelf to make hoodies and jackets right now from T-shirts...the inspiration for that has totally left me :S So I'm left with the few places where I can buy handmade items...and from that selection, I have to weed out the crap, and from that selection, I have to weed out the styles I dont like...and from what's left, I have to weed out the expensive shit...and from there, I'm left with three choices....

So I really haven't been buying DIY. But I sooooo have the need to...

And I want to buy computer games. But I never have time to play. I've put in about 100 bids on World of Warcraft games...don't want to pay $50 for it retail since I will never have time to play it anyway, so I've been looking for the eBay bargain. And I always get outbid by some idiot who doesnt realize that his bid plus shipping is MORE than the $50 you could pay at Best Buy and get it TODAY. Fuckheads. I don't even know what they're thinking when they do that....

So I really haven't bought any new computer games....

Jeff wants a new Xbox 360. No one has gone to the store to buy it. We have gift cards from Christmas that would pay about half of it...

I did buy some new underwear last week...hahah...I was walking through the train station (they have a mall-ish area therein) and saw a Victorias Secret and immediately rushed in to take advantage of the 5 pair for $20 deal on black cotton bikinis ;)....too much information???

I NEED TO BUY SOMETHING. sooooomething. sooooooooomething..... just to make the urge subside for 4 seconds ;) I've been buying material and trims and all that kind of stuff for work, but it doesn't even help for 4 seconds anymore...justifiable spending doesn't really kill the urge. I need superfluous expenditures here...

omfg I hate this time of the month.....what the fuck goes wrong with the hormones anyway???

Maybe I should just cash out my Paypal account in $1 bills and go to the top of the US Capitol building and just scatter them to the wind...*hmmmm*....

I Hope Punxatawny Phil Gets Eaten by a Bear

It's been a while since I've written here...and its starting to show. My brain is getting noisy again and won't shut the fuck up. I think I need to make it a point to write something down here every day...or every other day. Even if its just mundane *I got up before dawn, went to work, went the fuck home, and sewed* stuff. Cuz I'm feeling really cluttered upstairs...

Is it just me, or has it been FUCKING A COLD for far too long? For like MONTHS now its been frigid goddamn cold here. One day I went out and DIDN'T see my breath when I exhaled and I was like, wtf...am I dying? I'm so used to seeing it. It makes me want to die every time I open my front door and head for the train platform. I am absolutely chilled to the bone. And then there's that goddamn rat, Punxatawny Poophead, or whatever, who sees his shadow, and based on that, decides we have 6 more weeks of this to endure. I hate that rat. And he's about the best thing Pennsylvania has to contribute to the world, except, I guess...the Steelers...

My freaking diet is NOT working out well. See, I go in cycles...fat then thin then fat then thin...its like my body decides what its gonna be and thats that, no matter what I try to do otherwise. Back in grad school, I lost 80 pounds in one year, for no reason. I started school at 205 pounds (ouch...) and graduated at 125... I did nothing different. I sat in front of a professor or in front of a computer for a year and a half. Didn't watch what I ate, in fact I was infamous for my peanut M&M addiction (YUMMM), and didn't go to the gym. Now...I watch what I eat, I'm spending 8 plus hours in the gym a week...and I'm gaining. Cuz my body has decided now that I'm going to be fat. No matter what I try to do to counteract it. Motherfuck me. Seriously. I would have to stop eating, stop drinking, and essentially stop working, cuz I'd have to spend 100000 hours in the gym a day...to lose a fucking pound.

But I'm not giving in to it. Fuck it. I've given in before when its been obvious my body is not looking out for my best interests, and thats how I got to 205 pounds the last time. No, this time will be different. It won't win. I defy it to fuck with me. I'll start doing 2-a-days in the gym before I gain another goddamn pound. I WILL stop eating. I dont mind throwing up, so bulemia is never out of the question. I don't care. I'm too old to be going back around the fat cycle...I refuse to give up.

So I guess I keep up the tasty Lean Cuisine dinners. YUM!

In other news, I finally got my *promotion* at the day job. Yeah, I've written about this before...human resources fucked me soundly when I started here, offered me a job at one level which I accepted, then two weeks later, after I told other job prospects that I had accepted another position, they call me back and say...oh, because of the graduate scholarship program you were on, we can only bring you in at this MUCH lower level. Well, what do you do then? You have no job, and well, maybe they're right...your scholarship program says you can't be hired on at that level, and you just got a free Master's degree, so you say, ok, no problem, I'll still be there Monday to start...

...then a year later they bring on two more people from your same scholarship program...at the original level they said you couldn't have...?...and essentially you have two brand new hires making $10,000 a year more than you are and who have seniority over you. BUT, since you're experienced, YOU get to lead the team projects with these people, supervise their activites, and are expected to perform at a higher level than them...for $10,000 less and oh, btw everyone knows youre the lowest ranking person in the office. Not to mention the SEVERAL achievement awards you got your first year working there for developing new methods of computer forensic discovery...

WELL, that rant aside...I got my *promotion* this week. I am now officially making what I should have made two years ago when I started this shitpile job. So I'm two years in the hole as far as promotions and raises. It sucks, but its better than being four years in the hole, which is what I was before this week.

And that is why I get up before dawn every morning and brave the fuck ass frigid temperatures to stand on the train platform awaiting my 40 minute commute into the human fucking cesspool we call our Nation's capital. So I can be appreciated for what I do.

Ahhhhhhhh.....

See, blogging is good. I feel so much better now. :)

The Best Policy is to Splatter Yourself On Sunday Night

I have a problem with the *T* on this laptop...almost every time I hit the key, it types a *T* then sends the cursor off to some other area of my text, and then continues typing from there. So if anything I type looks I did it when I was drunk, that's the explanation right there.

Started Public Humiliation 2006 today. Hoooray. If you want to check it out, its on my Live Journal...there's a handy link to it on the top of my eBay About Me page. Basically, same thing as last year. Posting my weight in the hopes that the pure embarrassment of it will make me stop misbehaving and lose the weight. So far, half a pound gone. YAY. Got to start somewhere I suppose :)

I'm very serious about losing this weight this time. Not only because I'm getting OLD and the weight just keeps creeping up on me...but I really need to be modeling my damn clothes. I know I know I've said it 1000 times before. Here is 1001. And goddamn it, I'm gonna do it this time even if I DO have to develop an eating disorder...

Been really busy so far this year. Got in touch with a few old friends recently - one from college and one from...get this...junior high school (!!!) - so I've actually been *kinda* social. As much as I can be. Also been cleaning out the house in Pittsburgh - trying to get up there every other or every third week. The place is pretty much empty now... hoping to get it on the market here in February and see if we can't get it sold so we can move on with our lives. And I'm still working full time, and commuting 15+ hours a week...and still finding time to list a few DIY items on ebay. And I'm not even close to dropping dead *yet*...

This sounds like that evil form letter you get in some Christmas cards, doesn't it? Hey! Haven't talked to you in a while...life is good...kids are good...Bob got a promotion, we bought a new car...blah blah blah. I guess I don't have a good rant in me today, although it seems I really should. Commutes have been MISERABLE lately - some idiot decided to commit suicide Friday during afternoon rush hour by putting himself in front of a freight train. Of course they had to close down the entire line for hours so they could spray off the tracks and investigate. It took me 5 hours to get home. Had to go an hour and a half away by bus to Virginia to a coworkers house, so she could drive me the hour and a half back to Maryland so I could get my Jeep from the train station parking lot. I was sure it was gonna be blood spattered (the accident happened right at my train station) but it turns out it wasn't. No gore. No nothing. Ahhh well.

Some days I think it might be me in front of that freight train. Although I would have the common courtesy to splatter myself at some other time than rush hour on Friday afternoon so that the 10,000 or so people who relied on the train line to get home...could get there. Yeah, I'd splatter myself on Saturday or something...maybe Sunday night when I get the *fuck I gotta go back to work tomorrow* depression...

Meh. I wanna sew a new thing...dunno what yet...but I wanna. I'm bored.

Is it too late for New Year's Resolutions???

I'm just curious. Because I've been soooo busy putting my new site/about me page/listing template/business partnership/clothing items together that I totally forgot we got a New Year, and with it a hefty set of resolutions....

Well lets see, where do I start. Oh yeah. The big one. The most popular resolution of all time:

1. I resolve to finally drop this 15 pounds that's been nagging me for the last year and a half. What? It was 8 pounds before Christmas hit? Shhhhhhh....christ. I'm trying to be positive here. I'd resolve to lose it by like say...oh...next week...but even with bulemia, laxatives and a herion addiction, I don't think I could do it. Let's say spring...spring is nice.

Second resolution...another popular one...with a twist:

2. I resolve to get my lazy ass in the gym FOUR days a week, not THREE. And on that fourth day, I'm working out my lower body. Cuz see, on the top, I'm like a freakin' brick shit house, and on the bottom, I'm like a giant dollop of marshmallow cream fluff. With dimples. And worse. Ok. that should be easier than the bulemia, laxatives, and herion addiction I'd need to lose 15 pounds...we can almost cross that off now, right??

Ummmm what else?

3. I resolve to work less and play more. At least on Saturday night. And drink less and be sober more...except on Saturday night. Don't send me an email on Saturday night, cuz I WILL respond, and I won't remember what I said...and it will probably not make sense, and I'm certain I will reveal all manner of embarassing secrets...

actually that sounds like the most interesting time to email me, doesn't it?

4. I resolve to cause less trouble in airports...*snarf*...as if that were up to me. I ought to resolve to just never go BACK to the fucking place. You know whats funny is that if you actually WENT there naked, they'd arrest you, too. You can't win. Might as well show up in handcuffs. But then they'd confiscate them. And bomb test your underwear.

5. I resolve to take the first seat I find on a busy bus or train that has someone's FUCKING bag or purse sitting in it. The first one I see - every time. I don't care where it's at or who it's next to. Your bag does NOT NEED A SEAT OF ITS OWN, especially on a busy bus or train during rush hour in motherfreaking Washington, DC.

mmm passive aggressive behavior...

6. I resolve to be less passive aggressive...

7. I resolve to call her up, a thousand times a day, and ask her if she'll marry me, in some old fashioned way.....

Sorry went off on a tangent there.

Well, I guess it is too late for New Years resolutions anyway, cuz looking back on it, I already broke like...5 of em...

heh.

I Ain't Sayin' its Censorship, but She Ain't Messin' With no Broke...Broke?

Whew. Thank God that's over. I don't know if you're like me, but I am sooo glad the holidays are over. I hate having to do that *dance* every year...christ, its all so phony it makes me want to wretch. Its a tired, choreographed, retail-driven, bloated nightmare.

I'm finally done with every goddamn person in the world ...and *theirs*... wishing me ...and *mine*... a safe and happy holiday season...

Big changes coming to aNGrYGiRL Gear on January 9th. Big Changes. Big fun :) Just thought I'd mention that because I'm working 24/7 to get these changes in effect...it's worth it, though. Whatever it takes to make this thing a success, I'm willing to give it a go :)

Hah...I never thought I'd say this but me and Mariah Carey have something in common! We both got fat! hahahahah....

I had a lot more to say today, but the venom kinda left me. Which is a good thing methinks. I'm sure it will be back soon. So no worries.

Godd@#mMoth%#$ucking AIRPORTS!

If you haven't read about my hijinks two weeks ago at the Atlanta airport, refer to the post titled *When the Cops Come All I Hear is whoo whoo whoo* post about 3 below this one....

Everyone out there had better FEAR ME. I'm wanted...

Ok...this time its Baltimore/Washington DC airport on Monday - fixin' to fly out for a week's training in Dallas ~ still here btw...yo, y'all :) ~ and this time, this time damnit, I'm not gonna do anything to get myself suspected. Its amazing what I have to do to get through airport security without being detained:

Step One: I dressed *reasonably* normally for my trip to the airport ~ in other words, I left that damn D-ringed shirt that caused me so much trouble in Atlanta at home (so sad that freedom of personal expression = POSSIBLE TERRORIST THREAT but fuck us Americans anyway). Not much I can do about my hair...and I DID have on my New Rock boots - now I'm not an idiot, I know these boots are LOADED with metal (christ are they ever...*drool*) but I figure, hey...have to take off the boots anyway so they can go through the X-Ray, so I'm good. They don't ding the dingy that way, and I'm golden.

Step Two: I didn't take any sewing equipment. Got tired of explaining the function of a serger to illiterate morons, and I have sewn SOOOO much the last few weeks that I figured I could use a few days off. So, no funky looking machines to arouse their suspicion. I'm golden there, too.

Step Three: I was warned by a friend that when you check in, if the ticketing agent thinks you're acting suspicious, they will code your boarding pass so that you get harassed the whole way though the airport. So to solve that problem, I brought no baggage to check, and I checked in at the self-service machine. No ticketing agent even had a chance to look at my suspicious self and therefore code my boarding pass. I'm feeling really golden here.

Step Four: I used my goddamn government issued LAW ENFORCEMENT BADGE AND ID at all ID checkpoints instead of my driver's license. Yes, I am in law enforcement, for the federal government, and I carry a badge (cool huh? lol...not really). Figured this way, I'm better than golden...I'm the fucking cops!!

Well, what the hell do you suppose happens? Of course we get to checkpoint charlie and we have to completely disrobe to go through the machines. My boots went in alone, followed by my laptop (all alone in the tub...god forfuckingbid you have ANYTHING over it...because while the XRay machines can see through your luggage, they apparantly cannot see through laptop cases), my coat, and my suitcase. Well there is so much shit to go through this machine that my stuff gets backed up behind my coworker's stuff...so Im waiting behind to push all our tubs onto the conveyor belt. Well...I stood there a while waiting because the conveyor belt had stopped...

Why you ask? My fucking boots. They could not tell, in the xray, that these were BOOTS. They werent in anything...just their plastic tub...two boots in a tub. One of the security guards grabs my boots and starts yelling *WHOSE BOOTS ARE THESE?* *WHOSE BOOTS ARE THESE?* and he's handling them like they're fucking explosive. And thats just what he thinks they are. He runs off with my $250 pair of imported fucking bull leather boots to do a BOMB TEST ON THEM. yeah, a bomb test....for reals...

They handle probably 5,000+ passengers a day at that airport. Every day. And this is the first pair of New Rock Boots they'd ever seen? Yeah right. My ass. They either know that people who usually wear those kinds of boots are freaks, and they're ... I dunno, you cant say *racially profiling* because freaks are not a race ... but its something like that. Either that or they are TOTAL MOUTHBREATHING FUCKING IDIOTS. Now while I was wondering If I was ever gonna get my expensive ass boots(to a poor girl like me anyway ~ I'm sure lots of people have more expensive boots than mine), the conveyor belt stops again.

Another idiot starts screaming out *WHOSE SUITCASE IS THIS?* Gee can ya guess whose?

Sooo my suitcase gets torn open again.... everything that was nicely folded and packed in the fashion of the overly obsessive compulsive and anal... is ransacked. A search reveals...a pair of scissors. My good dressmaking shears. Why do I have scissors? Well, most people use a comb to groom their hair...I use scissors. The ransacking plunderer informed me that I couldnt take these scissors on the plane.

Anyway, as of the day I flew back from Atlanta two weeks ago, the FAA had made it legal to bring sharp objects on to your carry on bags. Tools too. Scissors were included as OK items to bring. I checked. So, of course I told the ransacking plunderer that. Then some big, fat, loud.....you know....security guard bitch comes up behind me and says *WE aren't allowing them until this Thursday. * Huh? The FAA says its ok but you're waiting til....Thursday? Why Thursday? Why nearly three weeks after the FAA changed the law? And who the fuck are you to decide this?

I was beside myself at that point. I still didnt have my boots back, and now I can't take the scissors that the law says I actually CAN take. So I said, *Fine, take my good pair of dressmakers shears*. The fatass bitch came up behind me, grabbed them from me and said *I will*. My only response...*Gee, thanks*. I wanted to add *fatass loud....you know....bitch...* but I didn't want to go to jail. At this point I was absolutely beside myself with a blinding fucking red hot rage. No idea how I kept my mouth shut. No idea. Haven't been this angry since...well...two weeks ago at the Atlanta airport.

Finally got the boots back, got handed my ransacked luggage, and off I was sent, minus a very expensive pair of shears...that I was ALLOWED to take, you know, by federal law, but not by the law of that big fat loud bitch. See cuz Monday, I'd have used those scissors to hijack the plane, but come Thursday, I'd have just been using them to cut the pokeys out of my braids. Its all a matter of four days.

Thank god that security guard was there to save the world from my evil tyranny. I fly out of Dallas Thursday. I swear if they give me one SHIT INCH of grief, I'm done traveling. My job can shove it right up their ass. With the metal tip of my New Rock boot.

Guess what I'm getting for Xmas now...

new shears...

:(

OMFG the Conspiracy Theorists were RIGHT! *you might wanna read this*

So you all heard about the bankruptcy laws changing in October, right?? Well, these new laws make it nearly impossible for American citizens to file bankruptcy out from under their debt. Isn't that a great law? FUCKERS. Anyway....after this law passed I started hearing rumors from my husband and some other whackjob conspiracy theorists (the ones that see a cop firing a gun behind every grassy knoll) that credit card companies, now empowered with this law, were going to up their minimum payments to nearly double what they were before. Why not drag more money out of us? We can't get out from under debt now, so there's nothing we can do about it...we have to take it, once again, in the ass...

Well, I dismissed this...as you can plainly see...as conspiratorial bullcrap, much like the cop behind the grassy knoll theory... No way that's gonna happen, right? Credit card companies can't be that stupid and coldhearted, considering what gas and heating oil is currently costing us...

Right.

Got my credit card bill today. Normally $159 minimum payment (yeah I'm in debt up to my eyeballs...its called surviving grad school...so what of it...like I give a fuck). Minimum payment as of today is.... $217! I looked on the bill, interest rate had not changed (that is this particular company's favorite trick, second only to lowering your credit limit to exactly $100 under what your current balance is, then charging you for being overlimit and demanding the overage immediately. DONT GET AN AT&T UNIVERSAL CARD).

I called the credit card company, and politely asked why my minimum payment went up 50% over last month. I knew what was up as soon as the helpful representative (who spoke clear and concise English...thank you very much) mentioned that the laws had changed in October...

I stopped her right there, didn't even let her finish because I knew where this was going... and my politeness had already run away and hid in a fucking closet. I said, *So, you're telling me that since I can no longer file bankruptcy out from under this debt, you've taken the opportunity to screw me by increasing my minimum payment by 50% each month?* Well, she explained, that was not the case, they were instead doing this as a *service* to their customers, as they are concerned that it takes too many years to pay off credit card debt.

Mandatory minimum payment increases are now a SERVICE to me? Great. As a service to my eBay bidders, my auctions will now start at a minimum price of $40. Doesn't sound like customer fucking SERVICE, does it? *Dont worry, Im not raising my starting prices for real haha*

Well, I knew about all this beforehand, having talked, as I said, with my husband and the various *there's a cop shooting from the grassy knoll* people. I heard from these types that credit card companies were the major lobbying force behind the bankruptcy law changes, and that as a concession to congress to get them to pass the laws, they had to do *something* to make it take less than 40 years to pay off a $10,000 credit card debt. Their answer? Require us to pay more! GENIUS! Again I blew this all off as bs, like I said...how could anyone allow the credit card companies to lobby to take away our rights of debt forgiveness...its just not right, so there's no way that happened...

Well, omfg...the conspiracy theorists were right. And now I wanna know who the fuck that cop is I see shooting from the grassy knoll...

*as a post-comment, how to fix this problem if you run into it: Credit card companies are required to have you agree to certain terms and conditions if you want to have a credit card. Your minimum payment is defined in those terms and CANNOT BE CHANGED until your card expires, without your agreement. When they get ready to raise your minimum payment, the credit card company MUST present you with new terms and conditions. Most people figure that there is nothing they can do about it, and ignore it. WRONG! Your terms and conditions are like a lease, when they change your minimum payment, its like your leasing agent coming up to you and saying, well, rent was $400, now we decided its $600. You'd never let that happen because you have a lease, right? Same with the terms. They will send you the terms and conditions. If you don't respond to the terms within a set period of time, this constitutes your AGREEMENT to the new terms. If you get a new terms and conditions specifying a raised minimum payment, or a raised interest rate, or anything you dont like...call them and DECLINE THE TERMS IMMEDIATELY. What happens then? Well, nothing until your credit card expires. They can't change anything until then, just like in a lease. So they can't raise your minimum. The down side? Once your card expires, the account is closed (like moving out of your apartment at the end of a lease), you can no longer use the card, and you have to continue to pay off the account balance...but here is the good part...according to the terms you agreed to. Remember, as long as you owe them money, they are gonna keep trying to trick you by sending you new terms and conditions...read them! Or pay attention to your bill.

Fuck them, fuck George W. Bush, fuck gas companies, fuck heating oil companies, fuck everyone who tries to hang a bucket everyfuckingwhere I leak. I'm tired of all of you.

I Feel Like a Sellout and a Whore...

But I have to do it.

I joined LiveJournal, and also kinda *did something* with my otherwise unused MySpace account. I advertised my new auctions last night....UGH.... retched hell...in some DIY/auction/goth communities that I found. I am also doing some research and find even more communities to whore my clothing in. Again, everyone else in DIY does this. And having no choice but to do something that follows *the crowd* leaves me feeling really...uck. Just...uck.

But I did it. Had to be done. That's how business has to run, at least for me. I have GOT to get the word out that I'm here... there are those sellers that don't have to do JACK SHIT to get great business...again, as it seems with all things, I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE SELLERS. So yeah... I'm an LJ whore... a MySpace whore... and now I'm just like everyone else. Begging you...begging...begging...you to please please please please bid on my items.

I feel like I could vomit. I feel so... well, I have some other feelings on the matter but I'm going to keep them to myself for a change, before I offend. But I had no choice. Not if I want to take this to the next level...

Get used to seeing me around. Oh by the way... buy my product... There's a link on the right, I think. If not, there soon will be :S

It's Like a Spiral, only not so much....

Okay then, I've been sitting here staring at this blog editor for about 10 minutes. I have a lot on my mind today, and I have a lot of things inside me that really need to come out. But here I sit staring at this blog editor. Why? Oh I guess there are a lot of reasons. Am I gonna say what those reasons are? Probably not. Because I'm just sitting here staring at this blog editor.

Rode the train in the morning, was sitting thinking of corset ideas (my life is sooo interesting...can you tell?) and just staring out the window, watching the world go by. The train is a nice ride. Very relaxing usually. Today I sat up front near the engine, usually I sit in the back in the *quiet car* - no talking, no cell phones, no noise, you get the idea. I think after today that I'm going back to the quiet car. I hate sitting listening to people talk on cell phones, and these days, thats all you get, so to block out the cell phone chatter this morning on the train I went ahead and plugged in to the MP3 player and cranked some Lamb of God at maximum volume...(and really, who the FUCK are these people talking to on their cell phones at 7am???? If someone called me at 7am, there better have been a death in the family, because if not, I can guarantee you there's fixin' to be one). Ironic that to get the quiet I needed, I had to play Lamb of God at full volume....maybe its not so much the quiet I crave...I just don't want my space (even my aural space) to be invaded by other people.

In any case, I was sitting on the train, enveloped in the turmoil generated by Randy Blythe screaming in my head ~ ahhh the serenity :) ~ thinking about corset ideas. And about how great it would be to NOT be on that train but rather at home, working for myself as my own boss...hahahah yeah right. Pipe dreaming I believe is what they call that. It really depresses me. It depresses me to read the bios of others who do full time as I do in my spare time...how do they do it? How does anyone generate any acutual, palpable, respectable income working from home? Especially in DIY. Christ. My best ever sales months, BEST EVER, didn't equal up to one paycheck that I make sitting in this cubicle hell. And right now, I'm not even having a string of really great sales months. I'm just squeaking out powerseller status by a hope and prayer right now, I'm on the cusp of getting the dreaded *your account no longer meets bronze powerseller status* email... Of course some of it is my fault ~ I've been travelling sooooooo much with work, my commute time has doubled since I've moved to the suburbs ~ I don't have the TIME to put into my gear that I would love to have. I get maybe 4 hours a night of free time, 5 nights a week. 20 hours a week is not enough for me to make even 2 items. Not even close. So yeah, my time is rapidly constricting on me. And if you can't put out product, you can't sell it. Duh. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out how I can solve this problem short of not eating or sleeping any more, but I am fresh out of solutions. The only real solution is to quit my day job and jump into sewing full time...

The pause was me stopping to wipe my eyes...I tend to tear up when I laugh that hard...

*sigh* its the proverbial rock and a hard place. You want something different for your life than what you have, but your life is structured in such a way as to prohibit any deviance from the course you have already set. This is why so many of us end up alcoholics, or worse yet, statistics....

I also wonder why so many DIY bidders/buyers avoid me like the plague...if any of you reading this fit this description (which would be kind of odd that you'd be reading this, but stranger things have happened...) drop me an email explaining this phenomenon. Seriously. I want to know what the hell I'm doing wrong. Drop me a line at freak@angrylittledeadgirl.com. Be honest. I can take it, believe me.

I have a lot of spare time at work (which could be put to soooo much better use...) so I watch a lot of ebay...I watch A LOT. I see just about everything that goes on. And I see a lot of bidders who just go nuts on other auctions...but I've never seen them on my auctions. Yeah, I know, my gear doesn't appeal to everyone, but there are other sellers out there whose tastes and styles are very similar to mine, and these bidders, who go nuts on those seller's items (I can explain the *go nuts* thing in a minute, if i remember to) seem to not even know I exist. I mean it's strange...they bid (and bid high, which kind of = *going nuts*) on the work of these other DIY sellers but somehow manage to completely miss me. Hmmm. Maybe I've overexaggerated my presence in the market. I see a lot of sellers getting 1000 + hits on their auctions on a 7 day auction. I am lucky to get 350 hits in 7 days. Why is that? Why am I not being seen? Or worse yet, if I'm being seen, why am I being passed over? I just don't know...

I need to take aNGrYGiRL Gear to the next level. But I have no idea how to accomplish that given my time constraints and my apparent lack of market presence. I wonder, do people lack confidence in my sewing ability? Haha maybe I gotta add something in my about me page about how I've been *sewing since I was a little girl* or how *my grandma taught me to sew* or *I started sewing by making barbie clothes*....bah... I just hate that shit. It's so...I dunno, everyone just does it and the simple fact that everyone does it makes it absolutely repellent to me. I'd just love to scream out *I can fucking sew!!* .... hey wait this is MY fucking blog....

I CAN FUCKING SEW!!

Grand, now the three people who read this, and who already knew that, know it even louder than before...heh. No really, I have a sick innate talent for sewing. I guess I'm THAT anal and THAT much of a perfectionist and SOOOO left-brained that it fits my given abilities perfectly. I can also make any computer my bitch ;) And do math. Its all the same sort of thing. It's just something I can do, and do well, and do right. There's not much more that I CAN do well and do right, so I gotta take ownership of the few talents I have :)

Yeah so I'm kinda really down. I don't know what more to do to take this beyond...to ratchet this shit up a notch or two so that maybe, maybe...maybe....MAYBE...if I devoted myself to it full time, that I could possibly eek out half a semblance of an income at it. I guess I'm just going to have to work harder to A) convince people that I'm for real...that my work is worthy of a bid, and worthy of someone's hard earned money B) get some FUCKING ATTENTION. HELLO I'M HERE WHY AREN'T YOU SEEING ME??...that sort of thing. Not just attention in general, LOL. I draw enough of that just walking down the street and C) find the time somehow, somewhere, some way...to get out more product without sacrificing even a fucking TIDBIT of quality...

Just like I said...a pipe dream. The kind I will continue to have every Monday thru Friday morning, sitting on the train, watching the world pass by.

When the Cops Come All I Hear Is *whoo whoo whoo*

Please don't think I listen to that kind of music...it's just one of the songs that my husband's Xbox plays a LOT...hahah

Yeah I've been a bit of a rabble rouser lately. Dunno what the fuck my problem is. Almost got arrested at the Atlanta airport...the security guard lady apparantly told some another guard that I was a *psycho*...of course not in front of me (because I'm a psycho) but I was there with about 6 other coworkers and they heard her say it. It all started because I had D-rings on my shirt, and suspicious looking luggage (its called a SERGER...ugh I get tired of explaining it at airports). Well the serger set them off...then I dinged when I walked through the metal detector (I know better than to wear that damn shirt, I was having an off moment). Then the next thing you know I'm hustled into a clear plastic hallway with some clear plastic door and I'm not allowed to touch my luggage (they had special people bring it over CAREFULLY so that it could be searched). Well to make a long story short, I've never been treated like a TERRORIST at an airport before, so when they started shouting their instructions at me, in garbled fucking ebonics no less, I had NO idea what the hell they were asking me to do. I couldnt understand a fucking word so I was trying to figure it out ~ I happen to speak very clear and concise ENGLISH...wish all americans did ~ so I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going on...they are literally restraining me from grabbing my luggage ~ they asked something like is anyone traveling with you who can watch your luggage...or something??? I don't really know...I pointed at a coworker and said she's with me but she can't carry all that ~ a serger and a sewing machine AND a carry on bag ~ too much stuff ~ so I went to grab one to help out and that's when all hell broke loose. Like I said, I've always been treated like a whitebread american citizen in the airports before, especially because I carry a badge...lol...so I didnt know I couldnt touch my luggage once I was a terrorist suspect....

Anyway they whisk me off to an area...three people carrying my luggage in tow...and I swear...the security guard did NOT speak english...she points at a mat on the ground with foot marks on it...mumbles something about standing on the mat, so I do, presuming my feet should go where the feets marks are on the mat...well, one foot was half off the foot mark and the guard yells...GET YOUR FOOT ON THE MATCHING SPOT ON THE MAT...I was like OOOOOKAY christ. Then there were mumblings about put your arms up...So I did. Apparantly you're supposed to turn your palms up when you do this, which was not expressed to me, so the bitch HITS ME in the arm with her little metal detector palm and yelled....PALMS UP. Yeah, hits me. Because I'm a psycho. I don't know at what level of this retardation I became the psycho...maybe they pegged me as such before I ever went through the machine because they were busy judging books by their covers...but whatever... I got the full pat down, everything. I'm suprised I didn't get a cavity search.... and I got to spend another 10 minutes explaining the functionality of a serger...

See because I am a terrorist. With a serger. Fly this plane to Cuba or I'll....sew you all fucking jackets!!! Nooooooo....

I find it ironic because that day was the first day you were allowed to start carrying sharp objects in your carry on bags again. The FAA has decided that sharp objects do not represent the biggest threat to air travel. At this point I take the wayback machine to the past....and seem to recall that the 9/11 planes were hijacked with....boxcutters??? Are those not small sharp objects? Now, shoes and laptops...those are the BIGGEST dangers to air travel. One asshole one time tries *and fails* to light some bomb or firecracker or something lodged in his shoe...and shoes are suddenly the biggest threat to air travel. I'm suprised they don't make us fly nude. You cant wear your shoes or jacket through the metal detector any more...

Well, anyway, I made it home. And didn't come up on any federal charges for obstruction of justice or terrorism...or failure to understand ebonics, or anything like that.

And then on Saturday, I went to Best Buy. I was looking for a processor fan for my computer....it was running too hot and kept shutting down and I looked and lo and behold...the fan is not turning...duh... So yeah, I went to Best Buy, and they didnt have it (its socket A, its practically legacy equipment) but they referred me to a geek store that might have it. I had to make a right out of this huge strip mall parking lot. and as I'm driving down the parking lot, parallel to the road I need to get on, I see NO opportunity to turn right. No exits. None. So I get all the way to end of the strip mall (there are like 10 major stores all in a row at this thing...so its like half a mile long with NO right turns out of it) and I see a light to the left that I can turn right on. Go to make the left out of the parking lot to go to the light and...NO LEFT TURN? What the fuck? Like they KNOW you need to turn right at that light and are gonna do everything possible to ensure you never ever ever leave their lot. So I looked around real good, didn't see any of our fine law enforcement officials, and went left anyway.

When the cops come, all I hear is *whoo whoo whoo*

Fucker was in an unmarked, regular person car... *sigh* Officer came to the window - an african american lady who... guess what... spoke in clear and concise english THANK YOU VERY MUCH...and she comes to the window and starts her spiel and all I say is, * I know, I know*. No argument from me, you caught me.

Oh and did you know you can get a ticket for not immediately presenting your license and registration information? I mean IMMEDIATELY. Like they come to the window and you shove it in their face right then because if you waste 10 seconds of their time looking for it (like I did...) you get a ticket. I was lucky and got a warning on the 10 seconds of her life I wasted. But I didn't get so lucky on the left turn. $80!! Jeebus H!! I got caught speeding last year (90 in a 55...heh) and only paid $170! $80 for a left turn! I asked the nice, clear speaking officer why exactly it was that I couldnt turn right anywhere onto the street I needed. Her answer: People were turning right out of the parking lot and not going fast enough and getting T-boned by oncoming traffic. She said they had a wreck out of that parking lot every day til they closed it off.

People, if you can't turn right out of a freaking parking lot onto a busy road without getting hit.... you deserve a T-boning. Its called natural selection. If you are that inept, do us all a favor and put your car in the garage and walk. Seriously.

So how do you get out of the Best Buy parking lot? You have to go behind the buildings to a residential area that's nice and safe with no chance of being T-boned and apparantly at some point it spits you out onto the street you wanted.... but I bet you still have to make a right turn there somewhere....

I'm a psycho....heh

bitches.

Atlanta

Atlanta is like my own personal little hell.

And its not Atlanta's fault. Anywhere my supervisor's had decided to hold this staff meeting - short of, oh say in WASHINGTON DC where we fucking live - would have been my new personal little hell. I'm staying downtown in a really nice and expensive hotel (your tax dollars at work) and I've just discovered that it costs $10 a day for the internet use, and $7 a day to use their on-site fitness facility (*gym*). $7 a day for an onsite gym? I mean, I've been to hotels before that don't have gyms and they cut a deal with the local Golds or Ballys or whatever and hotel guests can go to the gym for like $7 a visit or some such. But never ever have I had to pay to use a hotel's own onsite equipment. But now I have to pay $17 a day for 5 days to have access to the things I already have *and am paying for as well* back in Laurel...all because the bosses want to get away from their wives and kids...

So yeah to make a long story short I don't have that kind of cash. I'm fucking broke and no matter how much I tell work that, they can't seem to get me that promotion and raise that I've been screwed out of twice now....red tape bureaucratic bullshit....the new people coming in to the job - who have the same education I do and LESS experience....are making $10,000 a year more than I am because human resources fucked up my paperwork when I started (seriously) and since its a federal job, once you accept the position it CANNOT BE CHANGED EVER(seriously). They've been trying to find work arounds to fix this problem for almost a year now. Every work around has failed. Meanwhile I really enjoy having these brand new coworkers start at a higher grade and salary than I'm making. They're buying clothes and new cars....and I'm sinking under my creditors. I REALLY enjoy that. It REALLY makes me want to come to fucking work every morning. Really.

So yeah to make a long story long....I don't have the kind of cash to spend $100 on the hotel amenities that are COMMONPLACE in my home. And work will not reimburse for them. Because they are not necessary for my job function. So tonight I don't work out...and I just get fatter, and I'm borrowing - yes borrowing - my co-worker's internet login while she sleeps so that I can at least WATCH my auctions end and answer any last minute questions.

And here is something else that my workplace REFUSES to understand. When I'm not at work, I am on MY time. I have a LOOOOOT of shit to get done on MY time, including running MY business. When they make me travel constantly....they are taking away MY time. Oh, they will say, we aren't making you do any work after regular work hours. Your evenings are still free just like every other day. You sit on your ass at home and watch TV every night right? Well, you can do that here too. No harm done.

Yeah, well sure...but im in ATLANTA, NOT HOME. And being asked to finance amenities that I have in my home already. Oh and where is my industrial sewing machine right now? Not here. I can't drag it out of my HOME and bring it here. And what about cleaning my house? And the 100 errands I have to run? Oh yeah. Maybe I'll just hop in my car and ... what? No car? Well, then fuck it. Maybe I will just use MY time to go cuddle up with my husband and sleep...oh wait....

This is an absolute infringment on MY time. And most likely a waste of YOUR tax dollars as an added bonus. And it really really sucks. Oh shit...got to run....she needs her internet back :S Will write more later....maybe some actual happy positive stuff ... heheh riiiiight.